SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

D-day was 6 months ago yesterday. Hard to believe that half a year has already gone by since the day I was caught cheating. I have been divorced for almost 4 of those months. It feels like much longer.

In the early days, as many of you undoubtedly remember, I didn't think I'd ever be able to get up off the floor. I went to work in a fog every day. I cried when I saw XH and seethed with rage when I saw XOM. I spent hours on the phone with my mom and my one remaining girlfriend, rehashing the affair, the end of my M, my numerous issues, and what it all meant for my present and my future.

I am relieved to say that most of that awfulness has passed. I still miss my XH...every single day. I still cry for what I did to him and I still kick myself for being so stupid as to throw away what most women would kill to have. But I have detached (mostly) from "what was" and I'm moving forward with "what IS"---and that is, like it or not, a life without my XH.

It is not what I would have chosen, neither after D-day nor during the affair had I not been so blinded by selfishness and self-entitlement. If I could do it all over again, I never would have sent that text message on 9/19/09 that spelled the beginning of the end of my marriage.

That said, I have begun to find happiness again. I have new people in my life who care about me. I have people who were already in my life who still have my back. I have my FOO's love and am earning back their respect. I tell the truth. I respect MYSELF. I am back doing what I love with my free time and I am thriving at it.

I am scarred. I am forever changed. (All by my own hand.) And I know I still have a lot of work to do and a lot of miles to walk. But I am learning, I am growing, I am improving, I am working...and I have hope.

(Many thanks to all here on SI and in real life who reached into the pit and hauled me out---I couldn't have climbed out alone. )

(((heartbroken0903)))

I remember your beginning on SI. And I have seen your contribution here. We all have potential for growth even when we think we have it figured out. I think it is okay to still hurt too.

Thanks for being here.

Thanks for posting! Your story helped me see reality!

Your post brought tears to my eyes! I'm sorry you had to learn your lesson with the loss of your marriage. I have a good feeling that you are in for something really great in the future. Bless you and I'm very proud of you for taking responsibility!

(((((heartbroken0903)))))

HB,

I am so happy that you are rising above the ashes!

You don't know how much your posts on SI have helped me in my journey.

You deserve to be happy!

You are a strong woman. I am amazed by you. I don't know if I could have pulled through what you have and not give up. It was so sad.

You are also so thoughtful posting on everyone's threads.

I am glad you have good people to support you. People who love you and who you can be honest with.

((((heartbroken0903))))