SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

First, this has nothing to do with H (I guess ex) and I. This just comes from a conversation I had with a friend. I know this may not be the best place to ask, but I'm curious.

What is everyones opinion on threesomes? In a situation where the man wants one, but wants the woman to choose the partner, so it wouldn't be like he came home after meeting someone that he wanted to screw and suggested it. Someone who wouldn't be a part of the couples lives after the act was over.

I would never be okay with it b/c it's not something that has ever appealed to me or evrn something I agree with, but people do it and are okay with it.

You would need boundaries in place BEFORE you start something like that.

So is the friend doing this to keep patner happy? If so, sounds like a bad idea to me. What's next when that doesn't 'do it' for the partner, you know?

If both partners had a general intestest in it and are down...go for it.

I agree....sounds like a bad idea to me.

It almost seems like the "man" in the situation gets to cheat, but have his wife/partner watch and participate.

YUCK.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 10:24 AM, March 28th (Monday)]

She's curious I guess. Still fairly young and their relationship is quite new. I think more so the reason for doing it is so that she gets to be try being with a girl, and he gets to watch... but also join in as well.

I'm on the fence about it in this type of situation.

Someone who wouldn't be a part of the couples lives after the act was over.

There is absolutely no way to guarantee this.

Also, the man in this scenario gets to fulfill his cheating fantasy with his partners consent and assistance. Once that selfish fantasy is fufilled what is it going to take to top that excitement? I think if that scenario appeals to someone they might want to look at possible underlying issues.

How would friend's partner/H feel if she chose a male partner for the threesome? My guess is your friend's partner/H may not like that option as much.

Someone who wouldn't be a part of the couples lives after the act was over.

There is absolutely no way to guarantee this.

You're right. I think it's more along the lines of someone they aren't friends with, and isn't a part of their life normally.

I do not get the appeal.

I only have sexual desire for my husband, and the thought of watching him have sex with another woman makes me want to vomit.

I think that threesomes have no place in committed, monogamous relationships.

Personally not my thing but if if floats someone else's boat.....

I have a friend who WAS sexually adventurous in her younger days. She tried it once and said it was a disaster.

It almost seems like the "man" in the situation gets to cheat, but have his wife/partner watch and participate.

I couldn't agree more with this statement. I honestly would feel as though my H wants to be able to screw around but in plain view of me so I can't say he was cheating. When we were dating and did not have children I may have thought on it and maybe have even participated, but if he were to bring it up now I wouldn't entertain the idea, even for a second.

[This message edited by ButterflyWings at 11:09 AM, March 28th (Monday)]

I am with Textbook Case on this one. Maybe if the 3 individuals had no vested interest in the emotional well being of any of the others.... maybe. Highly unlikely any good could come from this otherwise. Just ask yourself how many fantasies actually turned out exactly how you thought they would.

Color me crazy, but I fantasize about my wife NOT being with someone else.

Honestly, considering the common past everyone here on SI shares, I can't imagine any of us can give a truely unbiased opinion, if you know what I mean.

Prior to all this, I would say yeah, if both partners were up to it, go for it but after all this crap, I can't imagine that that option would ever appeal to most of us here on SI>

JMO!

Notice how the men always want the 3rd to be a woman? What if it was another man? Would they be as into it?

What if it was another man? Would they be as into it?

Of course not. I also hate it when people talk about Big Love and Sisterwives like they are ok because the polygamy is consensual.

Polygamy is misogynistic. Polyamory is democratic. If men can have more than one wife, then women should be able to have more than one husband. I disagree with both, but what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Basta, Finito.

I think monogamy is the only practical and healthy form of union for the good of society and children.

Um not to be gross but all of us BS's on here who have a WS who had a PA were kinda in a threesome without knowing it! Just because we weren't there when they were boinking the op doesn't mean we weren't involved. KWIM? Sorry but just calling a spade a spade. FWIW I've always thought that I am enough of a woman to satisfy. I don't need help from a third party in the bedroom like some ows do! (Yea ow2 did that for WH along with many other degrading sexcapades )

I have a former friend who was into threesomes and group sex with her H.

One situation was the couple they were best friends with, they switched and after awhile my friend was sneaking off with the other H because her H was getting worried she was too into it, so she snuck, because she was. (who knows, maybe he was sneaking off with the other wife, that's the point)

The other scenario was a threesome with a plumber who worked on their house. Again, H said no more, she didn't want to stop so she started sneaking.

There are no guarantees of both partners wanting the same thing afterwards or during, once it's started. RECIPE FOR DISASTER imo.

Someone who wouldn't be a part of the couples lives after the act was over

Just remember, you cannot unopen pandora's box once the lid is taken off.

I think many couples go in with that plan but rarely does it end up that way.

This is a big "to each their own" situation. In a Two-guys-one-girl or Two-girls-one-guy threesome, neither participant is cheating. Cheating is cheating (lies and betrayal). It's not cheating if everyone is in the loop.

The big caveat is that all participants have to be comfortable. It's not okay for guilt trip your wife/husband into it doing it.

Notice how the men always want the 3rd to be a woman?

Not always.

I personally don't see an issue if all are fully willing participants. I don't believe I could do it because I have enough mind movies to deal with due to the A.

Prior to A I did toy with the idea but it would have had to have been in a far away place with someone that WE would NEVER see again. We had discussed it in a joking sort of way as women seem to hit on me even when I am with my H. So I guess he has one more consequence from the A...no threesomes.