SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Yep, I have done and said some pretty crazy things since d-day 14 mos. ago. I didn't think any of them were funny back then, but thinking about them now.... .

So, one of the funniest things I did.....I was driving WH and I home from dropping off our daughter at work when WH said something that was a MAJOR trigger and just nasty. I was so pissed!! As always, he immediately tuned me out, so I hit the "play" button for my Eagles CD and played the song "Lying Eyes" at full volume over and over and over again....all of the way home for 25 minutes. The volume was so high that the dashboard was shaking. For the grand finale, I played "Already Gone" and sang along. He was trapped in the car, so there was nothing he could do but listen. Our ears were ringing by the time that we pulled into the driveway!!

What crazy/funny things did you do??

I took some of his clothes..namely a shirt that he wore in one of his half naked pics that he sent out..and a nice Carhart jacket that,a few months after d-day..I found a craigslist email address written on a piece of paper in the pocket("it was a winter coat..a good hiding place")....and took them out to the garage and set fire to them. I had given him the shirt for Christmas,and I hated the coat. I handed him the burned remains and told him "well you wont be hiding anything in the pockets again,will you?"

It was VERY satisfying watching them burn.

I threw away his Pink Floyd CD. I HATE them,he loves them. Now I dont have to listen to them anymore.

He threatened to call the police on me for destroying his things. i told him to go ahead..and when they get here I'll explain why I did what I did..and ask them if they wanted a blo&go from my husband while they're here.

Im sure there were alot more crazy things that I did,but these 2 came to mind right away.

[This message edited by confused615 at 6:40 PM, August 31st (Friday)]

He woke me up one night a few months ago with a yell- he was yelling because I had punched him in the face while I was sleeping He didn't think it was funny.

[This message edited by ciaobaby at 6:52 PM, August 31st (Friday)]

I drove 35 miles at 10 pm to his work to scream at him because Whoreible had texted me that I was an abusive bitch and deserved what happened to me. I was planning to have him call her to come there so we could have it out in the parking lot, but thought better of it.

His boss came outside before he did and I told him he needed to send JM down to talk to me. He looked scared of me. I'm sure I looked pretty frightening. I'm about twice as big as his boss and I was PISSED.

Not long after I moved into my post-S place, the bunch was at ex-assaht's and I found one of ex-asshat's shirts in my unpacking. I decided to have a little BBQ in the backyard with it and was totally busted by the neighbor kid. He was up on his jungle gym, watching the whole thing. "Hey, what are you doing? Huh? Are you burning a shirt? Why are you doing that? Huh? Why?"

Needless to say, that sort of took the wind out of my sails.

My X was obsessive about keeping his hunting and camping gear scent-free. I was left to pack up our house after it was sold and threw all his crap in a heap in the extra bedroom. I got a bottle of my youngest DD's perfume (teeny bopper stinky stuff) and sprayed the entire bottle all over his hunting and camping gear. That room reeked for weeks.

I know it pissed him off but he never said a word. It's kind of lame and now I really, really, really wish I had piled it on the lawn and burned it. Or hid a few shrimp shells. Missed opportunity.

I swished his toothbrush in the toilet EVERY day after he left for work so that it would be dry by the time he got back. And I don't feel the least bit guilty about it either.

When the keylogger showed me that he kept googling how people poison their spouses with food or whatever, I started making whatever food he had read about. Since the keylogger showed exactly how much time he spent on each page, I knew which ones he read in detail. It was hysterical. He even quit eating anything that I fixed him, he wouldn't drink any coffee I made, he wouldn't even eat a frozen dinner that I warmed up. A few friends knew what I was doing and we laughed our asses off about it when we'd listen to the VARs.

I swished his toothbrush in the toilet EVERY day after he left for work so that it would be dry by the time he got back. And I don't feel the least bit guilty about it either.

When the keylogger showed me that he kept googling how people poison their spouses with food or whatever, I started making whatever food he had read about. Since the keylogger showed exactly how much time he spent on each page, I knew which ones he read in detail. It was hysterical. He even quit eating anything that I fixed him, he wouldn't drink any coffee I made, he wouldn't even eat a frozen dinner that I warmed up. A few friends knew what I was doing and we laughed our asses off about it when we'd listen to the VARs.

That is seriously, some of the funniest stuff I have read here...ever! Love it!

After my October Massacre, I took everything that I still had and either sold it at garage sale, donated it or set in on fire. This included his beloved custom-made poker table that he apparently thought I was going to store for free while he fucked Troutface. The one happy thing I can reflect on during false R this spring, was when he came over and said 'Where is my poker table?'

I said 'Did you see a sign in front of my house that said 'Free Traitor Storage?'

Um. No.

[This message edited by NoTriangles at 8:48 PM, August 31st (Friday)]

Yep! I too would run his toothbrush around the rim of the toilet. Extra funny since he's a germophobe. I would also spit in his ice tea, food, whatever was available. Just my little way of sticking it to the man.

OMG! I needed this post! Thank you for making me crack up!

I neatly folded his clothes and put them in boxes in the garage. My mom told me to burn all the diplomas he was about to hang in his office, and I couldn't do it. The only thing I did was break one of his old name plates from a previous job. Today, I refused to fold his laundry and just piled it on top of the washing machine. I. Am. A. Wuss.

I had discovered on a thurs but just kept quiet and watching him in awe. A few days after DD MY Dd16 had a BF that dumped her for someone else, she was devastated, crying, the whole bit. I was cooking dinner with DD16 when ws comes in the kitchen. He hugs her and asks what's wrong. I say bf was cheating and broke up with her. I tell DD16 that boys lie, they tell you they love you but if someone else catches their eyes, they will dump you. I said even ppl that are married 25 yrs can go through it. A husband will tell his wife he loves her but sometimes they are like a dog and jump on the first bitch they can hold down. The funny part was after each sentence I would look at ws and say, rights? Tell DD how it is and how you have to be careful who you give your heart to and how you have to make sure they are a real man with integrity and not a heartless horny manboy. He had th most puzzled but guilty look on his face. The best part was actually hearing him tell her, yes baby some boys will break your heart and don't deserve someone like you. Bingo!!!

I caught a possum in a Hav-A-Heart trap, that was trying to get in the feed room of my barn.

The next day I put it in his truck. Evidently it made quite a mess. I feel bad about the possum now.

A month or so after d-day I was in a fine rage marched out to his car (I hadn't been in it since d-day) and wrote the C*&^ word in permanant marker on the seat back, and "sloppy seconds" on the seat itself... then sent him off to the auto dealership to trade the slut-mobile in... I was giggling for hours, he was - uhmmm... let's say "mortified"

BEST. THREAD. EVER. And let me say, I have been to CRAAAAZY town.

I had found the number in our phone bill, so when I left her a surprise voicemail (This is Mr PBJ's pregnant SOON TO BE EX fiance, I just found out and I think you should face me). I knew the first person she'd call would be him, not me.

So I started off by logging into his google contacts (which syncronizes with his Android phone). I changed her contact name to "Gutter C**t" (he had bitterly changed it to HOMEWRECKER and then erased it altogether.)

Then I gave Gutter C*nt's Gmail contact its own profile picture...... that inexplicable, ugly, naked bathroom pic she sent to his phone, which I saved to my computer. Seriously, it's just a butt. Not sexy, not bending over. Just random and standing there, like someone standing in their shower. Or in line at the DMV. Um, cyberfail.

So she called him soon after my voicemail...and obviously when she did, his phone rang and the screen lit up with "Gutter C*nt" is calling, and instead of someone's face for the profie picture, it was her weird, clammy gray dumpy butt and her ugly grungy bathroom in the background. He had no idea how google works (how you control your contacts from your gmail account, not your phone). He should have thought before dating someone smarter than him. Ass.

I also changed the business banking login (his business had to be in my name because he had outstanding discharged debts. The new login "recognition" verification image was the OW's gray, clammy, boring butt. with the toilet in the background. Why put those two images together? Why show your boring butt, not in a sexy way....with the TOILET in the background?

I heard she was moving to Seattle to be with the boyfriend she cheated on...apparently to start fresh. I waited until I saw her pathetic (foreclosing) condo get one pending offer on their local real estate site. Then I forwarded her OW text and her butt picture to her boyfriends email telling him I was sorry, and hoped he ddn't make any big decisions with her before knowing what she does. Hope he enjoyed the juicy shot, and that he dumped her right as she pulled into his city with all her stuff...no job, no condo, no friends, and now no boyfriend.

Sigh.

I got shitfaced at the huge annual bash for his business. There was a lot of pressure on me and my family to help, for some weird entitled reason (so I was already annoyed). This was also the first day I had to go back to work after my maternity leave. Talk about fragile. His interns made me "the first lady" of the event, some special drink. And several others. I ended up making up a story about kissing someone at the party and "confessing" it to my SO to make him feel cheated on. It wasn't even true. When he asked who it was, I couldn't make something up in time. Talk about rock bottom...

[This message edited by pbjkiki at 10:44 PM, August 31st (Friday)]

Pbj...you are my hero..love this!!!

Pbj...you are my hero..love this!!!

Hmmm, I was just bad. I took a hammer to his fancy-schmancy new phone that he was texting howorker with. Took a hammer to his pristine motorcycle that he took howorker for rides on. Took a knife and scratched the word "pig" into most of his guitars, including the really expensive rare ones, because I think the only thing he's ever truly loved is his guitars, and I knew that would hurt. Told him he better get out before I got really crazy.

I'm feeling much better, now.

This is the funniest thread. I laughed and laughed. Thanks for the bright moment!

Ohhhh his perfect guitars....violated...just like your marriage!

Poor baby... awwwww....