Along with the other insightful comments, I add this food for thought.
Whle it may not necessarily be true in all cases, in ours & many others, the more the love then the deeper the agony from a DDay hit. I loved my WS with all my being pre-DDay & I was beyond disgusted with what he did, him, myself & the while situation.
And while it is also not true in all situations, it is a gift to be able to get full truth, which is often pretty dang ugly after DDay. Just the sight of my BS was a horrible, horrible trigger.
I meant it when I told my WS that he made me feel like I need to rub my skin raw with Clorox just thinking or talking about what had happened. Sometimes, I vomited, others I had to run to the shower where I cried. It was almost literally unbearable. On our one month DDay anti-versary after DDay, I made a serious suicide attempt.
If while attempting reconciliation, your BS is telling you how he feels, it can be indicative that he wants it to be a team effort to work on making things better TOGETHER. Otherwise, as you say, why be there?
It is also common for the BS not to be able to be extremely articulate or talkative about it all, espeically if they weren't one to be very communicative prior to DDay. That alone, doesn't make one better automatically able to express emotions or even be able to identify them. And there is often quite a bit of confusion & a ton of contradictory feelings that result from the betrayal trauma.
None of that means that you are not worth anything, that is a lie. And one that if you dig into will just create even more harm to you, to your BS & to your relationship. Your challenge is to put into actions proof of the opposite, because what is true is that you are worth a lot, as is your BS & the relationship. Showing that you are learning to better value yourself, your BS & the relationship is a very healing & worthwhile journey.
What helped me a lot was to have my BS validate my ugly feelings by indicating that he understood why I felt disgusted, verbally or not, & that he was there for me. Sometimes he would apologize yet again for putting me thru that mess. Sometimes, it would just be a gentle squeeze of my hand, a hug or he would write me something that I could hold on to that showed he was doing what he could to aid me in dealing with the damage. My WS being able to be understanding, patient & loving during that time made all the difference.
It also helps to talk out what your BS wants / needs when he starts to get overwhelmed with those feelings, when he is able to do so. Or write to each other about it, because communicating in whatever ways work for you two is what matters most.
Sometimes, the BS may be wanting to be left alone for a bit or the opposite, to have you nearby. And what is needed / wanted can dramatically change literally second to second.
One second I would not want to even see or hear my BS, yet a few minutes later, I would want to have him sit next to me.
It's terribly confusing not just to the WS but the BS too. A tsunami of horrible, conflicting emotions in a non-ending attack was what it felt like to me.
Sometimes there was simply nothing my WS could do to make it better, as the past can't be changed. But the present & future can & often is.
During those dark days, weeks, months & years, it was often hard to believe we could survive it together or that we should stay together. Yet, ten years later, we are still together & wouldn't have it any other way. While being together isn't the only option, its the best one for us, & we appreciate the gift it is for us individually & jointly.
The infidelty is an extremely long, ugly chapter in the our journey together, but it's not the whole story by any means. It left its scars & impact, but it simply couldn't erase or deny the beauty of what did have prior to the truth being put on the table, what we can & do create together or the fun in doing so.
Unlike Hurricane Sandy, which was a storm of epic proportions which could not be deterred or controlled, the DDay trauma is easily avoidable. Like any major storm, people act in certain ways which have certain consequences not just on them, but those that love them, who may lose them or seeing them badly hurt or worse. I was deeply saddened & distressed at what WS did to himself by his betrayals of him, me & "us". I didn't know if he would keep self-destructing with bad choices or be able to see what needed to be done to best protect himself, me & "us".
When a disaster is about to happen, such as a hurricane with which a warning that all hell may break lose, people have to decide what to do, sometimes very quickly. It is similar to infidelity in that a person has many steps to take, consciously or not, that will have a significant impact not just on themselves but those to whom they matter as well.
Some people decide they will not put themselves in harm's way early on so they prepared to get away & stay away. Just as some people draw a very rigid line with their boundaries toward the opposite sex or any form of betrayal.
Others took longer to acknowledge the real danger or failed to make the right choices quick enough, so trying to protect what they valued became much harder to stay safe. Because those that did clearly see the right choices, immmediately left or gotten what they needed to bunker down in order to stay safe together. By the time some decide what they need to do & finally take action, the choices they had before simply may not be available to them any longer. There are many shades of infidelity as well, flowing from inappropriate boundaries causing inappropriate sexual banter to one night stands to long term affairs.
Others refused to acknowledge the coming devastation; thought there was no reason they shouldn't make poor decisions while denying what they were really subjecting themselves & their loved one to. That mindset did not change the obvious great harms that were possible & probable, even as they refused or were unable to fully accept the warnings of what they were going to be in for if they didn't take proper heed of the chance they had to get themselves out of harm's way in the best way possible.
Likewise, some WS's convince themselves that what they are doing doesn't really matter for a variety of reasons. For example, that "the OP never meant anything to me, it was just sex" excuse. So they allow themselves to keep crossing lines they shouldn't, when it will be extremely hurtful & disgusting to the BS when they find out.
Betrayal is very similar in that some people stay far, far away from being hit by the infidelity storm, others think they can flirt & delay taking a stand early on. There is always a number of people that think or convince themselves that their betrayals won't really matter when the BS discovers its been going on. They mistakenly think is something they can & want to do with the false belief that it will be a mere inconvenience at most, but are willing to risk it all on staying someplace mentally / physically that they should & could have avoided subjecting themselves & their loved ones to enduring. And they are truly shocked thier partner reacts as they do when the storm finally hits full blast.
Just as the BS is often truly shocked that their partner could do such a thing. Infidelity brings up an immense amount of ugly truths & feelings. Disgust is very frequently part of that, unfortunately.
Like with all sorts of major storms or other trauma, some will get thru it, some will have done permanent damage to themselves and/or have a a loved one lost forever. Not all relationships survive once DDay hits with its great fury & great harm but many do, just as people weather other storms too.
All who are were caught up in a storm, whether one of nature's making or by infidelty have to make choices on what its impact will ultimately have. Some have few or little choices afterward as to whether or not rebuilding, repairing, or improving is possible, by sorting thru the million steps it will take to do that in a good way.
It is impossible to do alone if in a partnership with unilateral decisions, just like with the betrayal impact on a relationship or partner. The fact that you are seeking out knowledge & advice to help you better understand your BS, indicates that you do desire to help him "weather the storm" in your lives right now. That's a giant step in the right direction!
Also, in your case L, it is still very early for you guys -- so what is going on today isn't indicative of what you can have by this time next year.
Creating something solid & worthwhile to protect, is not an overnight, automatic process in a lot of things. Certainly, the betrayal trauma & creating a loving, healthy & deeply connected partnership isn't.
Some people that are suffering from the impact of Hurricane Sandy will take the opportunity to assess what they had & what is best for them to create from the rubble. Same for any relationship equally impacted by its own storms. There is a lot of needed effort that will have to take place in order to make a good recovery in any sort of storm. Trying to deal head on with your BS's disgust is one of those efforts which can have great rewards for both of you, & your relationship.
Feeling they are not worthy of having something beautiful, fulfilling, solid & well cherished will slow the process to achieve what can be down considerably, or even permanently prevent it from taking place at all.
Your user name indicates how horribly you feel about the storm you let into your home, hearts & lives. Making poor choices isn't at all indicative of your true worth. Or the possibilites of wonderful things being deserved by you in the journey of the entire story of your life either, if you don't want it to be.
My WS made his poor choices in some part due to his lack of love for himself or feeling worthy of a relationship worth having in which he mattered. It was a disasterous mindset that nearly destroyed him, me & "us". He still struggles with it, after decades of abuse prior to meeting me. It is a demon that may always wait to pounce on him, but I hope that ultimately he can not just move past that but to be able to fully conquer that personal hell.
What he did with his betrayals, to me, is indicative of his lack of character, value, morals & priorities ONLY at that time. A lot of factors played into that. One of the most important was not facing his feelings, fears, insecurities or issues as he has worked on since. Another important factor was his not communicating or being fully honest even with himself but instead taking lots of steps of disconnection / contamination away from our relationship while not being able to see or understand the horrible impact on our relationship as a result.
People stay together for a lot of reasons, some good or not. Just like your disasterous actions need to be placed in proper context of your entire relationship history, so do your BS's. His horrible feelings now are a piece of the puzzle of his relationship with you & himself. But even if your relationship prior to the betrayals had serious issues, that is not indicative that you guys are limited only to what dynamics played out between you before anyway.
Life is static, there is always room for improvement & now is certainly the time to work on having a healthy, loving, passionate partnership together. It can be done, with or without the betrayal trauma impact, with the tons of resources available, commitment & willingness to make that a valued priority.
I suggest if you haven't checked out the wonderful Retrouvaille yet, to do so. There is a link in healing library. It can be an awesome jumpstart to creating & maintaining a close, healthy partnership that is a joy filled one. We have benefited from that, as have many here in the SI family. 
[This message edited by unicornsearcher at 11:15 AM, November 4th (Sunday)]
