SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just found out my WW gave me Herpes Simplex 1. First std test 3 weeks from her having sex with OM showed negative for everything. Next std test 3 months from her having sex with OM and I have HSV1. Doctor said yes she most probably gave it to me but says 80% of people have it so its no big deal. It only causes cold sores on mouth. But I didn't have it until my WW fucked some guy to get attention when she was getting plenty of my attention and we were in MC. So it is a big deal to me! She is devestated that she gave me this. I know most people get HSV1 in childhood and never know it but I didn't have it until she had a PA. Should I feel so angry and violated if its not that serious? It's not HSV2 so why am I so done with all this shit?

It is a huge deal.

I FEEL filthy, dirty and now officially on paper - diseased.

I hear you and can relate.

My WH - said the same thing as your doctor - that so many people have it....that is soooo irrelevant in this situation.

It is a big deal - don't let anyone tell you different.

Take care of yourself...

It's unfortunate and completely unfair.

Just found out today that I have HPV after not testing positive for over 8 years. I took the opportunity to accuse my fWH of giving it to me from her. Works for me.

I was infected the same way. fWW feels terrible. You are correct, most people have it but I have had two cold sores since getting infected. We are just as careful as we can not to pass it on to our kids.

Beyondbetrayal,

If you'd like this to be a venting thread, please let me know if you want me to move it to General.

AN

Sorry, didn't mean this to be a vent. I guess I want to know whether anyone else who is trying to R had an STD ruin R.

If you want to keep the thread R focused, it's fine to leave it. I want to keep it where you feel you will get the most support and answer to your questions.

I don't feel that finding out he gave me HPV has ruined our R, just another of the negative consequences of his A.

It certainly doesn't help - I tested + for HPV and I just had my retest come back + again this morning - I can definately say it's not helping me want to R at the moment.

Ugh. I am sorry. I do think it's a big deal even through it's a common problem that many have.

Your feelings are valid, Beyondbetrayal. Probably everyone who contracted an STD from their wayward feels that way initially - and rightly so. It adds yet another difficult and un-asked for dimension for you to get through/heal from/reminder of, etc.

Studies DO show that around 80% of the population is HSV-1 positive. Not all of them will have symptoms (breakouts).

This new "issue" CAN be overcome and forgiven with time, communication, learning all you can about HSV-1, etc. Know, understand and accept that your WW didn't purposely set out to give you (or herself) an STD; they just don't *think*.

In time, the feelings of being "dirty" or "infected" or "violated" DO subside, and, since your post is in the "R" forum, you CAN get to a place of forgiveness about this with your WS.

I contracted HSV-2 from my fWH. I am WAY past the feelings of disgust, anger, self-loathing, etc. that I initially experienced for many, many months. You will, too. I only really think about it now when I have a breakout, and even then, it's more thoughts of it being a nuisance than of his past unfaithfulness.

Another possibility to look at is the level of stress infidelity brings.

I have had cold sores off and on since having chicken pox as a teenager. This is where it comes from.

After D-day and the subsequent d-days, I fought cold sores almost constantly.

A flare can be brought on by too much sun, fever, irritation, sickness, and above all, stress and sleep deprivation.

It is entirely possible that the HSV1 has been lying dormant for years, but triggered by the immense amount of stress.

I am sorry. :-(

I got HSV-2 from my H - though not due to cheating (after he confessed I tested & found out I had it, but he had not touched me sine the ONS. We BOTH were carrying it & did not know. But since I had never had unprotected sex with anyone but him, and he was a manwhore when single, well, it was him).

It sucks to pay the price of someone else's irresponsible behavior. Whether it is a "big deal" STD or not.

t/j - google "lysine." It really helps with cold sore outbreaks.

Hopefully what your doctor was doing was trying to reassure you that from a medical point of view, as std's go it is minor and you should not feel embarrassed at having it.

From any other view I'd feel angry and voilated too. I feel dirty and unclean a lot when I think about what my WS did. Anything physical passed onto me because of what he did no matter how "minor" would just add to that revulsion.

Medically it's minor - every other way it's huge.

Has anyone already posted that there's a thread in the ICR forum that may help - http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=435571

Bb, This is an awful extra burden. You can choose to accept it and R, or not accept and D. Both routes are honorable. Both are terribly painful.

(((Bb)))

((((Beyondbetrayal)))))

It is just as likely you picked up HSV1 from your own children (who usually pick it up at school) or getting change from a clerk in a store as it is you got it from your WW and her OM.

HSV1 is so easy to spread and the few people who DONT get it, probably escape because of some genetic resistance to it.

But just because you may or may not have gotten HSV1 from them, doesn't mean you have no right to be hurt and angry. You do.

The reason you feel angry and violated is because your WW risked your health. End of story. You don't have to end up with a STD to be violated by that action. Just being exposed is bad.

There is injury in the lack of value our waywards put on our lives when they exposed us to all the potential diseases their APs carried.

My WH gave me his MOWs bacterial vagionsis. I am lucky it was treatable and it's gone.

What's not gone, nor ever will be is the knowledge that keeping his skype porn source secret was more important than my health and potentially my life. Ouch.

ladybug and Knowing

I also had HPV from my spouse. Please pay close attention. I had to have a hysterectomy because it turned into CANCER! I saved my own life my OB/GYN said she had never seen anything like my case. Please please make sure you have a pap every 6 months.

Please love yourself and be happy and live life. Have children asap if you want them HPV can destroy your chances of having childen. Not meang to put a downer on anything.

I never told the OW she gave it to me she can live with it on her side.

Hugs...

Had an herpes outbreak down below.. So I thought for sure I would test positive for HSV2! I was in tears & felt grossed out by my own body! My results & WH came back, positive for HSV1, yes the more common one that usually is oral.... But here's the kicker.... It's also transmitted to your genitalia! So I have genital HSV1 herpes down below on what was once a clean cookie! The gift that keeps on giving w/no cure!!! Now after doing my own research, I CAN shed the virus both orally & sexual enter course!! Yuck 👎😕 it is A BIG DEAL!!! STILL HERPES now on suppressive thearpy 500mg daily... FOR FOREVER!!!!

BS-me 38

wH-39

OW-33 year old delivery girl at wrk

DDay 11/12/12

2kids, 16&19

Working on R... With a dash of VALTREX!!!

[This message edited by notwarmorfuzzy at 1:40 PM, January 20th (Sunday)]

Why is it some people just don't take precautions. What if she'd gotten something worse like HIV?

Consider your self lucky that it's just HPV1.

Thank you everyone for your support and advice. I am very thankful that it is only HSV1 not HIV. And I know my WW had no thoughts for the consequences of her A. This is yet more fallout. Do any of them ever think about the consequences? No. Because if they did then they would never have had an A in the first place. This is another hurdle in the road. Thanks for sharing everyone!

Do they actually classify HSV-1 as an STD?

I've had cold sores since I was probably 4 yrs old. I will get them when my immunity runs down (stress, illness) because at those times my body can't fight them off.

But there's no way it's an STD? Confused.