SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Had a discussion about Ashley Madison and whether signing up there and having an A with someone you meet online (i.e., OP is a stranger) is somehow "worse" than where the A is with a friend or co-worker where the relationship started as friends but then fell down the slippery slope(i.e., OP is a friend).

Or does it not really matter? An A is an A is an A...

FWW's A was with her running buddy (a friend she had known for close to 2 years). For what it's worth, she was not trying to minimize her A.

To me an affair is an affair... when it is a stranger hook-up through a site like AM it means they purposely set out to seek an A.... however, when it is with a friend they both set out to deceive and hurt you..... in the end it really doesn't matter...... your spouse/ significant other is the person who is supposed to be loyal to you and the relationship. Betrayal, no matter how it happens is still betrayal and it hurts... it's only different hurt.

My H had both - 2 online hookups from AFF and 3 EA/PA's with former gf's (one of whom was a family 'friend'). It has been much harder for me to process the 3 with people he knew.

My WH had a ONS with a woman he meant on AFF where he portrayed himself as single. Because he lied to her and has assured me that it didn't matter WHICH woman responded, that he was going to go thru with it with the first person he could get into bed, I really don't have any issues with her per se. However, he tried to get a person that we both know into bed (she said no both times, wish she had told me) and that affected me greatly. For me, knowing the person would have been far worse than the faceless stranger that he had.

My STBX had both kinds. Both are equally disgusting.

I only know the pain that it has caused me. My wife spent 20 months on AM. Knowing that she offered herself up to basically the highest bidder, knowing that she went looking for the hottest man she could pull, knowing that she entertained who knows how many men who all thought that my wife was going fuck them because they were so charming, knowing that she e-mailed, chatted, sexted, called, and whatever multiple men over that entire period with no regard at all for what it would do to me, that is my pain. I would be destroyed just as much if it was any other way, such as a old boyfriend, but this is my reality. And infidelity sucks.

My WW had an A with my ex-BF of 30 years. I listened to her talk about how she had thought she was falling in love with him at the start. What crossed my mind was that at least she wasn't a "slut", just looking to get laid. The let their frendship slid down the slippery slope behind my back until they crossed the line.

On the other hand, if they had just done it once and realized their mistake it wouldn't have been so bad as them continuing on for 4 months because they thought they had feelings for each other.

Not sure if that helps.

I know, I don't know where I stand on this either. One of our friend's husband was an AM "user."

On the one hand, that shows a deliberateness to have sex outside the marriage. But there was no emotion. It was purely sexual.

FWW, on the other hand, had ans EA that became PA, which, at least to me, was so much worse. Knowing that she had sex with OM was bad. But knowing that she said ILY to him (even if, in retrospect, it wasn't really love -- still hard to hear) may have been worse.

So I guess it's six in one hand, half dozen in the other. The deliberateness of looking for sex versus the greater likelihood of sex plus ILY.

Either way it sucks.

To me, it's all bad. My WH had PAs with different ow, he had LTAs with 4 different ow ( one for 37yrs) . He also frequented escorts at least 2 to 3 times a month. ( he had some favorites that he saw often).

However, the ones that hurt the most are the LTAs. I hardly think or care about the escorts( just about the money spent and believe me it was alot.) whatever or whoever its all the same.

2 OW who were/are friends with people in our circle of friends.

People I have met.

People who knew he was married to me.

People who had conversations with me as if there was nothing they were hiding.

People who have interacted with our kids.

I am positive that he could have found one person that I wouldn't ever have to run into again to have a pity party with and let it turn into an A. Of course it wasn't planned and it "didn't start off that way" even though both escalated within a week. But now there will be events we either do not show up for or that I will have to feel completely uncomfortable at. And my friends house is a trigger because thats how I know these sluts. Completely f**cked up if you ask me.

Betrayal is betrayal period. However, I would rather my husband had used COW as a masturbatrial vessel than give her his "love" and adoration. Now many A's are emotional and physical. That would suck. But if I had a choice between giving her his heart or his dick - id choose dick every time.

An A is an A is an A...

Period!