SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I could do with a bit of a pick me up.

I have lots to be happy about- baby on the way- puppy at home- kids amazing- wife trying really hard and battling her own shit- I'm supporting her and looking after the puppy- got a great new client at work so going to get some cash- it's even a beautiful sunny day...

All would be perfect if I could stop having mind movies- I had them falling asleep last night- had a bad dream- pushed through this morning- trying to get them out my head but here they are fresh as a effing daisy.

I've been thinking about how her face looks when she's drunk and high- even though she hasn't been for ages- that makes me feel anxious inside- then I think of what she did/said/felt with them guys- how she behaved- leading them off- unbuckling- it's really awful and I don't want to think about it. I want to think about how she looked beautiful this morning and how she was all cuddly and sweet last night and probably most importantly how 'with it' she's been for a while now even though it's made her feel so poorly.

Why can't I just think of the nice things?! I know, I know, time.

I feel a bit better after typing it out though- sorry peeps- I'll stop grumbling!!

Grumble on, dude. By all outward appearances, I should be happy now too: Nice apartment; work is picking up; great time with my kids every weekend; great time with my music every week; friends have circled the wagons around me; family is supportive.

But I can't stop thinking about my wife banging this new guy. I used to have sole access to her smoking hot body, and now I have to go through each day knowing that this other guy is experiencing her in the way that only I was supposed to for the rest of my life.

It sucks, and you are allowed to wallow in the bad feelings for a while. Try to move past them, for sure, but don't think there is anything wrong with you for feeling them!

I'm with you. I wish I could have my memory erased. I am glad I finally found out, but I wish I never knew. I miss the person I used to be. I don't know how to get rid of the mind movies. I HATE the triggers. Some days I feel great. I have actually felt happy, truly happy. But then...you know. I get so overwhelmed with knowing that my husband betrayed me like he did and I just cannot stop crying. I desperately want to stop feeling like this.