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sodamnlost (original poster member #37190) posted at 12:58 PM on Monday, September 9th, 2013
I filed last week, WH is still living here though, working on a plan for him to leave. My kids know nothing. We had to get through the weekend since it was my one DD's Bday. Today or tomorrow we will start the process. We will tell them about the affairs and I will move into my daughters room. Once he has a solid plan as to when he will move - we will then tell them about the divorce.
I do not want to do this. I do not want my girls, who adore him, to have their hearts broken. To know he isn't the man I always said he was. To know just how easily he threw us away for some cheap thrills. 
Me - BS original Dday 10-2012, separated June 2014, divorce Fall 2016
Grief, loss and pain taunt her - "you will never be the same." Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, she rises and spreads her new wings as she brushes off the ashes an
MovingUpward ( member #14866) posted at 1:21 PM on Monday, September 9th, 2013
This will be tough on all. Sending prayers to you and your DD's
MissMoneypenny ( new member #34714) posted at 1:42 PM on Monday, September 9th, 2013
Sending you hugs and prayers !!
" The only thing I have in common with OW is our birthday "
lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 2:16 PM on Monday, September 9th, 2013
Sending prayers and mojo!
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.
sunsetslost ( member #39885) posted at 3:22 PM on Monday, September 9th, 2013
Love, strength and prayers to you.
Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.
anv5 ( member #39217) posted at 7:02 PM on Monday, September 9th, 2013
((((sodamnlost))))))
I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. Sending prayers & good thoughts!!!!!
BS(me)30
WH 29
1 Child
Married 11 yrs
D-Day: 4/9/13 he cheated in '08 & now + trickle truth & tons of lies 6/27 Found more, swears I really do have the whole truth now.
2/2/14 found out more...it seems the TT never ends.
Trying to R
Ashland13 ( member #38378) posted at 7:13 PM on Monday, September 9th, 2013
Prayers and peace to you.
So many changes.
But an end in sight.
FWIW to share, I didn't want our divorce, but it was me that ended up filing because his passive self would have just let us flounder in the breeze of it all. A ways out, 9 months, the grief is still here but the pain is different-it's steady and getting duller, rather than the heady, anxiety ridden days of worry over another discovery or what type of mood will he be in, now? What will we fight over today? That's all gone now and I can choose to shut him off like a light switch if I happen to hear from him, which is rare.
Anyway...also, our daughter is like yours, he was her KISA and still is in some ways, but kids are smart. I think sometimes a kid is smarter or stronger than given credit for and she tells me sometimes the good things about now and the bad things about now.
I never wanted her to finish growing up without a father in our home, but she even notices that there is more peace and sanity and she said she is starting to feel a little safer with my trying to keep to routine.
I wish you well and a speedy road to peace and just wanted to share some of our experience because there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's gradual and not always recognizable that positive change is happening, but is there.
And I share your sentiments about being thrown away.
Ashland 13
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
-George Washington
Phoenix1 ( member #38928) posted at 7:27 PM on Monday, September 9th, 2013
I never wanted her to finish growing up without a father in our home, but she even notices that there is more peace and sanity
^^^this^^^ As tough as this is to go through, your kids are likely already trying to figure out what is going on, and they are creating their own scenarios in their minds. By telling them you will actually be helping them to understand what they already know intuitively.
This is so hard, and no parent wants to break their children's hearts, but when he is out of the house there will be a noticeable decrease in tension overall. They will feel it, and appreciate it. Constantly having to walk on eggshells is not good or healthy for anyone.
Talk to them as soon as possible once you move into your daughter's room because their imaginations about what is really going on will really ramp up and stress them.
Sending strength and mojo to get through this!
fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!
You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~
Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 10:15 PM on Monday, September 9th, 2013
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
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