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SerJR (original poster member #14993) posted at 10:14 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2013
Sometimes it’s all you can do to not feel like giving up. I’m not talking about walking away from pain or letting go of a rope that’s dragging you down. I’m talking about being so scared... so hurt... our core shaken so hard... that you’re even giving up on you. On who you are... on what you believe in. In your right to even exist in the face of the dragons that haunts us and whisper coward. On giving up hope in yourself, and letting the creeping darkness win.
Well then... come along...
Let me tell you a story.
Because I have been around the block... and I have seen a thing or two.
I have seen the most remarkable things, from the most unremarkable beginnings. I have stared into the dark abyss - I have been to the edge and beyond, and I have come back again. I have been where up is down and light meets dark. I have seen good men fall, and fallen men rise. I have seen the broken redeemed, I have seen the beaten stand, and I have seen the generosity of the damned. I have seen the weak find strength and I have seen the lost find solace. I have seen where the tiny sapling stands upon the ruins of broken hills. I have seen things more important than our fears! And I have seen how dragons fly, when the coward roars.
I have found the wisdom in the mad and I have watched love triumph against all odds. I have seen beauty through strained tears. I have heard singing in absolute silence. I have seen hope give light in absolute darkness. I have witnessed the world dissolving before me very eyes until time stood still... and I have seen the world built back and time move on. I have understood things not to be believed, and I have believed things not to be understood.
I have seen so much...
But giving up?
I’m sorry...
But I can’t see that.
Because for everything I have seen, there is even more that I have not. Because with every moment of every day we are free to make a choice. And each choice breeds limitless other paths to walk. A whole future which has never happened awaits. And I have seen, that even I, don’t know what we are capable of. That is an infinity of potential on an exponential scale. And that is too much of you, working in your favour, to dismiss.
So wake now, little warrior...
It is time to find your remarkable.
Wake now, little warrior...
There is work to be done.
Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.
iwillNOT ( member #40605) posted at 11:26 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2013
Thank you for your words, they have touched me. I long to hear the singing in this silence. I cry for even a hint of the possibility of possibility...for me to someday feel the truth of your words inside my heart, seems so foreign, so inconceivable; will there ever be anything but this grey?
I will keep going, keep turning my face towards the light, and deep within my heart I will nurture the tiny ember of hope.
Me: BS, 46
Him: WH, 47
Together 24 years
4 amazing kids
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Choosing myself daily and R almost every
Hope2B ( member #40474) posted at 11:36 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2013
Beautifully written, SerJR.
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013Trickle Truth/DDays: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
jjct ( member #17484) posted at 3:15 AM on Saturday, October 19th, 2013
I have heard singing in absolute silence.
Someday, I think we'll hear again, just this song. This time, I think, we'll remember the words. When I do, I'll write them, I'd be happy to become a copyist, because against them, trying to remember them, there is only so-called poet, howling as it turns out. Not perfected, not fully descriptive, not remembering the words or the tune, just,,,trying.
Beautiful Ser!
isadora ( member #29130) posted at 3:48 AM on Saturday, October 19th, 2013
As always Ser, inspiring.
Me: BW Him: who cares
Divorced: 4/2015
2 DDs and 2DSs
Who knows how many affairs at this point
Multiple D-Days
I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.
NoTriangles ( member #35985) posted at 4:13 AM on Saturday, October 19th, 2013
Me: Finding my SunlightHim: Traitor in my FoxholeLet go or get dragged.
Laura28 ( member #28997) posted at 4:17 AM on Saturday, October 19th, 2013
Married 42yrs Me BW 68Yrs Him F?WH 70yrs OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted. Dday May 28 2010. OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years). OW2 2002(8yrs PA). OW3 2009(1Yr PA). Others?? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck 'em"
Completelybroken ( member #40051) posted at 6:19 AM on Saturday, October 19th, 2013
As always- something to think on for a few days.
Thank you SerJR
Me-BS 35
Him-FWH 40
Dday-7-6-13
EA-1yr
PA sex 3-4times over three months during the EA
doggiediva ( member #33806) posted at 6:55 AM on Saturday, October 19th, 2013
(((SerJR)))
Thank you for these beautiful words..Are you the author? Very thought provoking and inspiring post!
I feel that many of us have days, months, even years that find us walking in the valley of the shadows...As long as we don't lose our hope for a better existence we are free..
Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite
63 years young..
SerJR (original poster member #14993) posted at 3:26 PM on Saturday, October 19th, 2013
doggiediva - yes, I wrote that after viewing an episode of Dr. Who. Within it, he talks about what he has seen and it got me reflecting on my own story and what I have (and haven't) seen. Not sure if you've ever watched it, but I heartily recommend the series.
Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.
Drowninginitall ( member #40968) posted at 3:31 PM on Saturday, October 19th, 2013
Ser, thank you for this. Perfect for today.
BW 44
DDay 10/2013, 4/2014, 6/2014
With a whole lot of TT, lies, gas lighting and false R in between.
3 DC
DIVORCED 5/16
Take2 ( member #23890) posted at 3:44 PM on Saturday, October 19th, 2013
Great episode! Great adaptation! Thanks SerJR.
"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?
Raven96 ( member #40298) posted at 5:13 PM on Saturday, October 19th, 2013
Awesome! Again...I wish I had known about this site when my world crashed, but I am so much stronger now because of it. I appreciate everyone here so much, and it's posts like this, SerJR, that put everything in perspective. Thank you so much for this!!
Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?
Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 2:33 AM on Monday, October 21st, 2013
Because with every moment of every day we are free to make a choice. And each choice breeds limitless other paths to walk.
THIS is the key. This is the path out of infidelity. This is what we old-timers tend to preach.
I truly believe that in each and every situation we have choices. These choices create change. This change creates new choices, giving us new options. OK – I fully acknowledge that when dealing with infidelity the choices aren’t exciting. It’s no walk in the park making the decision to divorce or to work at forgiving this most treacherous of acts. But we come here to SI because we don’t want to be where we are. We can change that by looking at our options and then acting on the option most likely to help us survive infidelity.
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
Snowy ( member #14028) posted at 2:57 AM on Monday, October 21st, 2013
Because with every moment of every day we are free to make a choice
I agree, this is the key. When you lose sight ogf this, this is when you have given.
As Bigger sayes, the choices may not be great,but at least there is the choice of walking away and starting a fresh.
NotCoping ( new member #40797) posted at 3:01 AM on Monday, October 21st, 2013
Me: BW. 30 years old.
He: WH. 42 Years old. E/A with sex chat. Arranged to meet in a hotel with AP.
Us: long distance, online lovers. Now married and NOT seeking divorce.
Gr8Lady ( member #36307) posted at 3:42 AM on Monday, October 21st, 2013
Powererful words, expressed by someone with the grace to share hope.
Thank you
BS: Me (70yo)FWH: HIM (72 yo)) serial infidelities over past 35 years
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2013
friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over a
year a year. Now his health is declining,
among the lack of communication.
SerJR (original poster member #14993) posted at 11:04 PM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2013
Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.
somanyyears ( member #26970) posted at 2:27 PM on Thursday, November 7th, 2013
..for some reason, after reading your post, I connected it to the approach of Remembrance Day and the devastation left on the battlefields of Europe.. the destruction and hopelessness and death all around as the brave men and women forged on thru the darkness of those horrific times..
..there was 'no giving up' then.. the hopes for peace and better times emerged.. and won!
..the same fears, pain and suffering after 9-11 in the hearts and minds of a world pitched into that darkness, only to rise up again into that light you speak of.. that rebuilding of hope for a new and better world.
..we all must never lose sight of that "infinity of potential" you speak of, that we all 'have work to be done' and we all 'must never give up'
..i continue to search for my own path on this unexpected journey, to find a light out of my darkness.
Posts like yours give me that hope i so desperately need; that peace of mind that so far, has elluded me.
I will not give up the search, i will not remain in this darkness forever!
I will survive.
May we all survive this battle, this war, this brutal attack of the heart.
smy
thanks SerJR.
trust no other human- love only your pets. Reconciled I think! Me 77 Her 74 Married 52 yrs. 18 yr LTA with bff/lawyer. Little fucker died at 57.Brain tumour!
Gumdropped ( member #40798) posted at 2:37 PM on Thursday, November 7th, 2013
Beautiful words. I will return to read that post again and again. It was the first one I read this morning and it gave me HOPE. I remember my mother telling me many years ago that you can take everything else away from mankind and they will survive, but take away hope and most likely all is lost. I hope that you can post that wonderful post in the healing library!
Me: 63 Him 67 finally kicked him out Dec 2021
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