SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Not sure if this belongs here or in o.t.. Frustrated. Neex to get it out or I will start crying (I am just tired).

Work has been hard since summer. Long days. One boss a sort of boss. He is gone. New one is good just training. I leave my house 530am and at the earliest return 530pm. 6 days a week.

I dont know everything. Guy that just left left some stuff undone and I am trying to figure out how to clean that up while new guy is trained.

So what I am saying is work wise, I am losing my mind

As of two weeks ago I became the alarm clock for wh who cant get up with his alarm. I have to stop what I am doing and call til he answers. Today I missed the alarm because I was, omg!, working and now he is late getting up the kids.

Why am I the alarm? So my kids get to school and he doesnt yell at me again because he is late getting up

Why cant he behave like an adult?

I am total burnt out.

Does your husband work outside the home? Does he have somewhere he needs to be?

If no, then maybe he doesn't care about getting the kids to school, and he doesn't have anywhere to be anyway.

Either way, it won't kill your kids to just be late or even miss school for a couple of days.

Are any of your kids old enough to use an alarlm themselves? Let them get up and then start making all kinds of noise and get him up.

If not, I would encourage you to let him sleep. He is an adult. He can surely get himself up in the morning. Maybe he is not taking responsibility for that because he knows you will do it. Just let the kids miss school. It won't be the end of the world. Sometimes we need to let "natural consequences" happen. This should "wake him up" figuratively and literally.

Of course, this would not work if he doesn't care if they get to school.

Sorry that you are the only grown up in your home.

HUGS

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 6:52 AM, November 6th (Wednesday)]

How about one of those old fashioned alarm clocks that would wake the dead? It might be loud and annoying enough to get his attention..

Seriously though, how old are your kiddos? My oldest is 6 and if needed can get up to an alarm. Id try to see if they could get themselves up then dump water on your WH to get him up..

Getting up is part of showing up. Showing up in 80% of success.

I trained my children to do it before they were high schoolers. I did this by allowing them to enjoy the consequences of not getting up.

How old is your WH?

Unacceptable on his part. If you were to D him for his actions, he would have to manage or lose any weekly overnights during school due to the negative effect it would have on the childrens schooling. I get annoyed I have to get my WH up when we are both home in the morning, so I would be very fed up doing what you are doing.

Sully, stop enabling. Just stop.

He's a big boy. It's just one more way for him to control you.

He is in his mid 40's.

Let the poor thing sleep in? He is at wk for 8 hrs, drives 20 minutes to home. Then watches tv from 11 to 2/3am. When I get an odd day off from work, I have to get up with the kids so he can sleep in because he works very hard. Poor thing has a rough life.

My kids are almost 6 and almost 8. No I will most definitely not allow them to be late or miss school bc wh cant get up. What does that teach them? I responsibility. Add to that this district, and esp this school's strict attendance policy. Not happening.

Get the kids an alarm clock? Good idea. Sad that the kids have to behave like adults.

My male coworker did suggest the alarm clock then wake wh up by punching him in the kahona's. A good idea if there would be no reprocussions to the kids.

Enabeling?More like he knows what is important to me and passively agressively goes after me that way. He knows the kids being in this school is important to me for many reasons. He complains at the cost but a) he isnt paying b) he helps pay his 16 yr old sons tuition. He just sabatoges because its me. When I have confronted him about his behavior, he plays victim and also says what I think is in my head or sick head. He learned very well how to act the nice guy and play passive aggressive.

He is wearing me out.

So I will buy the kids a clock so they can be more responsible than wh.

A bit of a t/j: so last weekend we went to eat out. As usual he was telling the owner (from his same country) of his responsibilities. He mentioned paying for his 16 yr olds tuition to private school....when he told me 2 wks ago his other boy didnt go to private school (when I snapped at him "your kids can go to private school, but my kids cannot?" In response to his complaining). Later in the convo person asks where my kids go and I replied also telling the person I am paying all on my own. I did not intend it to be a smack to wh, but obviously it was indeed a smack.

Thanks for letting me vent. Im tired and stressed. When this happens I have little tolerance and everything gets to me.

[This message edited by sullymeishadomi at 11:48 AM, November 6th (Wednesday)]

I assume these are his kids too. Why does all the stress and responsibility lay at your feet alone? Wow, just wow.

Sully that is BS. He is a grown ass man. Part of being married is working as a team, and him getting the kids wether they are yours, his, or both or yours to school is his responsiblity. If he can't get it done, then maybe you need to look into hiring a teen or someone to do it for you. But warn him the next time he needs something from you, it aint' gonna happen.

Your kids are not too young for alarm clocks. It instills the good habits for being successful. They will most likely enjoy being allowed to have some responsiblity for themselves as well. Mine sure did.

In all honesty it sounds like you need a Mental health day. You know a day where you call in sick, and spend it all alone doing nice things for you. I used to fantasize about going to a nice hotel, and checking in and just sleeping for a whole day. Never did it, but that was the old me. If I were as stressed and sleep deprived now as I was then, I am positive I would do that.

sully, he gets you to do these things because he knows you will. It stops when you stop it.

You are taking on all of the consequences. He will continue ignoring the alarm if you let him.

I had to tell WH that I was no longer responsible for him getting up and that I would no longer be his actual alarm clock after he ignored the other one. He got a new alarm clock and y pays attention to it. And I let him oversleep. Worked like a charm. I'm not his mother.

I try not to get too involved with him regarding times he is a jerk. Its what someone once said of me "poking the bear" and honestly, its tiring

.

SO I just got off the phone with him. During his check in I ask if his alarm was fixed. He said yes it was fixed. He only didnt turn it on because I said I would call him and wake him up

.

I took a deep breath and bit my lip.

Truth: after missing his alarm for the second time, he called me, yelling at me. I was 20 mins away at work. It was my fault he awoke late and I had to from that point forward call him and wake him up. I am shaking my head

He probably knows about this post. He probably has someone else calling to wake him up. Yep, chronologically, he is an adult but one who knows how to make others do what he wants. As it was said on this thread, its a control issue. Pretty standard with this group of people. Bully and manipulate the other person to do what you want. And if you have two females fighting over you, you sit back and watch them tripping over themselves to do your bidding, thus supposedly winning your favor I am not playing that game. What did he just say to me regarding his job situation: "Same shit, different toilet".

Anyone have suggestions on what kind of alarm clock that would be easy for kids to turn off?

I don't think I know any adult over 25 that has had a job, that can't wake themselves. That's crazy and even crazier is he blames you, when you have to stop working to call a grown man. Maybe you need am alarm that punches him in the face after the first snooze is reset. If your kids are in school though, they could have their own alarm.

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 10:52 AM, November 7th (Thursday)]

-edited for typos-

My WH was the same for yrs. He'd sleep through his alarm and phone alarm on the loudest settings. My parents even commented that maybe he had some medical issue as it was so ridiculous. We talked about him going to a sleep clinic.

Nope, it was him waking up and then deciding to go back to sleep, without turning any of the alarms off. So then I'd have to physically wake him and he'd be so angry.

If I didn't, he'd be late for work, i'd have to hear that I knew he has a problem waking up and it was my responsibility as his wife to ensure he was awake. He'd literally say "it's your job to wake me up" and I was so damn co dependent that even though I thought it was crazy, I did it. I didn't want him to lose his job, that was my justification.

Now that we're on the road to D, he hasn't been fired, so I guess he's figuring it out somehow.

It's controlling childish behavior.

I just saw some kids alarm clocks at target in crazy neon colors with large buttons to distinguish on/off and snooze. I don't have children, but perhaps that would be "fun" for them.

[This message edited by Iamacrab at 7:04 AM, November 7th (Thursday)]

I certainly didn't mean "let the poor man sleep in". I said that it wouldn't be the end of the world to have him be responsible for the kids missing school once or twice. They are 6 and 8 years old. Its not like they will be missing brain surgery.

I'm sorry you have to worry about this on top of everything else!

Walmart has a nice selction of alarm clocks as well.

I got my kids their first ones from there, and Santa brought them. I am an evil mother ....