SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Fair warning, this is a bit graphic, so if sex talk isn't your thing right now, it may be best to skip this thread.

I've been having a problem as of late. Since about a couple of months prior to Dday#2, I have been having uncomfortable pain. Basically, when anything is inserted into my vagina, IT HURTS. And I literally mean anything. Even fingers and tampons hurt.

I feel so bad. After looking up "love languages", I have determined my BBF is a speaks physically. Things like sex are what he needs right now, as well as lots of affection.

But it just hurts really badly. Sometimes after the initial insertion, it becomes okay, but at other times, even the smallest thrust wants me jumping off him in pain.

I went to the doctor about this and he had asked me if there was any trouble in my relationship. I froze. Well...yeah, but these symptoms occurred before Dday...did my body subconsciously reject sex prior because of the shame I feel?

We're going to rule out other probabilities, such as the Depo shot. I'm also going to physical therapy to see if it improves anything.

Has anyone else had this problem? I feel horrible about it. I want to oblige with my BBF's requests. I want to feel close to him, given this is both important to us. Should I just grin and bear the pain for his sake until we find out what it is? I don't even know.

the only time I experienced this was when I was pregnant. Then only for a short time period. How about any kind of infection?

It could be. I won't rule it out at least. Besides painful insertion, I never experienced any symptoms of an infection. I do know that if it was an infection, I wouldn't know how I got it. (My A was over 2 years ago.)

Hi - not sure how old you are. As we woman get older, our uterus starts to become thinner - that is one of the reasons women go on hormones.

Also, guilt can do really strange things to a person. Hard to believe, but true.

If you are in your 40's or older, I would think it's probably just your uterus starting to atrophy....fun stuff.

But, I see from your messages you are barely in your 20's....so, I'm thinking guilt. Mind you, you could be one of those rare women who starts menopause early....but, that early, doubtful.

[This message edited by devasted30 at 9:15 AM, November 7th (Thursday)]

Really? your uterus shrinks/atrophys? So, its painful then after 40s? didn't know that.

See if lube will help. Buy a product made for the job, not any old lotion or petroleum jelly.

Does position make a difference? Are you seeing your gyno for this? In addition to stress, infections, you might consider changes in diet, exercise, weight, other health issues you might be dealing with and other medications you are taking (including dietary supplements, vitamins, etc.)

TMI alert -- my experience is that the older I get, the more lube needed, although not all at once. Depending on how long the sexual activity takes, you may need to add more lube as you go along. Make it part of the sex play. Sex does not have to be painful when you get old(er).

BTW, physical affection, physical touch does not have to be sex, and sex does not have to be penis in vagina. Lots of other fun stuff to do!

Have you been tested for STDs? I happen to be a 2-fold victim of my husband's infidelity and got an STD as well. Since then, I have been struggling with yeast infections which I never had before in my entire life and I'm 40. (Probably from the antibiotics to get rid of the STD.) This has made insertion sometimes uncomfortable. I think you should get checked out and get some cultures done to see what's going on down there. At 22 you should have no pain.

Thanks for all the responses. Wow, it sure just exploded in here.

Well, I can safely rule out any STD. With my As, I had sex with #1 once in 2011, and sex with #2 three times in 2012. It's near the end of 2013, so if it was an STD, it'd be strange for it to lie dormant for all this time. All encounters were protected. Still doesn't make it any less gross. I trust in my boyfriend's fidelity, and I'm the only person he has had sex with, so I know it's not him.

RIMC, something about your post did strike me. I'm the type to have constant bladder infections (joy). So I have taken a lot of antibiotics. I guess imagine having to go to the doctor every month to get more pills, it's that bad. However, I've always had this problem since I was little, so I don't know if that's the cause of it.

I do have an OBGYN appointment coming up soon. I don't know the date yet, but I'll ask for an STD test ~just in case~.

As for lube, I use it and abuse it. But regardless of how much line there is, it still hurts. :/

constant bladder infections (joy)

Do they always test that you have an actual infection or just assume it's an infection and give you antibiotics? I ask because sometimes Interstitial Cystitis is misdiagnosed as bladder infections. ...AND IC can cause painful intercourse.

Do you have pain at any other times?

I was once diagnosed with Vaginismus. If something hurts, the body and mind will react to that painful stimuli. But Vaginismus was not the problem, for me at least. There was something causing the actual pain. It was an easy label to slap onto it and for doctors to not do further tests.

Keep searching PONR. Talk to your BBF about what is happening to you.

[This message edited by DixieD at 11:49 AM, November 7th (Thursday)]

That I'm not sure. They say they do test for it, and I've had bacteria cultures done that returned positive. It just seems that antibiotics is the "easy" solution, and they just prescribe me it despite them not working for the past oh say 13 years?

They "work", but in the matter of a week, the infection is back. I got recommended to a urologist, who only gave me some really strong antibiotics and had a cleared bacteria culture. To him, it was like, "okay you're cured go away now."

It's just that every urologist refuses to listen. I'm wondering if I will just have to deal with it.

Are you getting enough foreplay? A woman's body is designed to take some time for the vagina to relax, expand and get ready for intercourse. Are the mind movies getting in the way of everything?

You look like a new member, so I will assume that this is all still very fresh for you. Don't try and force the sex, let it happen as a reaction to good things going on between the two of you.

You mentioned the Depo shot-have you stopped getting it yet? I had this problem while I was on Depo, my doctor thought it was a yeast infection and treated me for it, but it didn't stop, not until I stopped getting the shot. Soon after stopping the shots, the pain went away completely.

But it just hurts really badly. Sometimes after the initial insertion, it becomes okay, but at other times, even the smallest thrust wants me jumping off him in pain.

Thank God you are only 22! You have the knowledge and medical help available to resolve this issue.

From a personal perspective, try having this for over 20 years.

I found intercourse to be extremely painful through my 40s and 50s. I tried doctor recommended lubricants, even HRT during menopause.

Only after DDay 4+ years ago was intercourse FINALLY enjoyable again, and FINALLY experiencing orgasms, with absolutely no need for lubrication.

So it was a long road for me.

I do believe it was the guilt, shame and keeping the truth secret from my H that prevented enjoyable intimacy.

I would still pursue this; there are both physical and psychological reasons for Vaginismus.

Best wishes for healing,

lf

P.S. Even though your vaginal walls lose their elasticity as you age, it really shouldn't interfere too much with sexual pleasure, as long as you have sex on a regular basis. "If you don't use it, you'll lose it."

[This message edited by looking forward at 3:10 PM, November 7th (Thursday)]

OK, more TMI below:

I had an issue with pain on insertion and also with "friction" which I didn't address until after Dday. Turned out to be inflammation of the vestibular glands (those that secrete fluid). My OB/gyn said the pain can be so awful, some women cannot even handle insertion.

The good news: Dramatic improvement with a topical steroid cream used twice weekly. Isn't a total "cure", but sex is very enjoyable for the first time in years.

(And yes, I wish desperately I had addressed this with my doctor PRIOR to the demise of our sex life and my H deciding he should go "elsewhere" for sex since I didn't seem to enjoy it anymore! Disclaimer: not excusing his choice in any way...)

Please get this checked out! The answer might be easier than you imagine!

Best of luck.

Point,

Check out both vulvar vestibulitis and vulvodynia.

Not all gynes and drs are familiar with these.

Do either one of these define your pain? There is overlapping in the symptoms or you could have both.

Hope you can find some relief.

Excellent book you MUST read:

When Sex Hurts: A Woman's Guide to Banishing Sexual Pain by Andrew Goldstein MD, Caroline Pukall PhD, and Irwin Goldstein MD.

Get it from your library, or Amazon has multiple used copies for under 10 bucks.

Urogenital pain is dime-a-dozen in us womenfolk so don't be shy in bringing it to your doctor.

t/j You're too young but since it came up, vaginal atrophy after menopause is very common in women who are not active with penetration either with a partner or solo (a consideration if your masturbation doesn't include penetration - if you plan to have partnered sex that way in the future).

Looking Forward was spot on: if you don't keep it nice and soft and flexible, you will lose the ability and will have to take therapeutic steps to regain it!

end t/j

There are approximately a billion things that can cause vulvar / vaginal discomfort or pain and this book is a great place to start sleuthing for the answer.

No matter your age.