SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Yep - just one more month til the anniversary of DDay... sigh....

I'm trying really hard, we both are, I don't know where I'd be without SI - truly I don't. If anyone here has regularly followed my posts you'll know that my WH is a model fWH to be!

I don't know why I'm posting really, just feeling an immense sadness again, like I could cry at anything and at any time. We have a lot to be thankful for, we have hope for the future and exciting times around the corner so why am I so sad again? Can't put my finger on it, it's nothing specific, no triggers (well none more than usual) he's done nothing wrong I'm just sad.... sigh.... Sorry to be a tad sorry for myself... just need a few virtual hugs from the only people in the world who understand...

It hasn't been so long since your DDAY so it's understandable. I was panicking at the 11th month just thinking about DDAY anniversary. All those dates triggered stuff, but I was glad to get threw it all.

I don't know about you, but I'm affected by the weather and it is cloudy and rainy and cold here. Sad to say the least. Depressed even.

You're not alone.

(((((hugs)))))

{hugs} I know just how you feel. Hoping things look up for you really soon.

For some reason, month 11 was a terrible month for me... I felt so sad, defeated... just generally unhappy. For me I think it was because with the antiversary looming, I kept on thinking "it's been a YEAR, I should be feeling better!" and "I've wasted a YEAR of my life being miserable because of the A!" That milestone somehow brought things into focus and had me measuring my "progress".

((UKlady))

I remember you joining around the same time that I did. In our posts, you were so strong and insightful about what had happened. It was a comfort to me to read your posts and realize that someone else was feeling the same way I was and that I was not alone.

I hope that this phase passes quickly for you.

[This message edited by meplusfour at 1:34 PM, December 3rd (Tuesday)]

(((UKLady)))

Hello ((UKLady)), I remember when you joined and I sent you a post - your first response! This is our connection.

It's okay. I felt this way too at 11 months. Like I was prepping myself. It was easy to think, "last year at this time..." once my boys' bdays started mid-November. I posted a lot and then I settled down a couple weeks in. It will be 12 months on Friday. Also, H's bday.

I hear you, UKlady!

Our d-days are fast approaching.

I don't know if this will help you at all, but I did used to have "blue" days or very down times occasionally before the A. So now when I have them I think about how some of this emotion may not even be A related. It could just be normal ups and downs of mood, and I want to try not to make it last longer by letting my heart get weighed down by the A sadness.

So, I try to remember other times in my life when I was in a depression. (Often in winter because I'm affected by the lack of light.) I focus on those memories and how I got through it (girlfriends, running, watching Buffy, or crying it out), and I think about how I'm going to come out the other side of this feeling, too.

Wait it out. Distract from A thoughts. Do something fun or silly. Try to get sunlight on your face before 10:00 am (read that somewhere and it helps me).

I'm two days behind you on the antiversary. ((UKlady))

2m2q - thank you for your words - I think yesterday we were both around at the same time and feeling blue - nice to see that we both posted on each other's threads! I'm glad that you were helped out with not contacting the OM.

itsaclimb - yeah - maybe that 'nearly at the one year mark' thing is having an effect. As always, it's good to know I'm not alone in my thinking.

meplusfour - so good of you to remember I am generally still positive it's just those times you know? I wish sometimes I could erase the knowledge of the A completely.

TrustGone - thanks for the hug - it does mean a lot.

LA - I will always remember you for being the first to respond to my first post here - thank you for that x. I hope that Friday is not too bad for you.

Sailorgirl - sigh.... I feel so aligned with your story and know how you can totally empathise. We are both 'lucky' that our Hs 'get it'. Part of my sadness is that I actually NEVER felt blue for no reason pre DDay. I was always a 'live life to the fullest' and certainly 'live EVERY day' - I had nothing to feel blue about. I 'knew' back then that my H would always be there for me - I know NOW he will be but in between times I didn't know him and that makes me sad

We are both 'lucky' that our Hs 'get it'.

So true, but I also understand the use of quotes on "lucky" .

Part of my sadness is that I actually NEVER felt blue for no reason pre DDay.

Wow, I can see how this would be doubly hard then.

I 'knew' back then that my H would always be there for me - I know NOW he will be but in between times I didn't know him and that makes me sad

Last night, my H was telling me what he talked about in IC. I was thinking how he never would have been this open with me about his inner life before he hit rock bottom and faced his issues. I was realizing how much better I'm getting to know him, especially as I heal so I can really listen. I was too hurt/angry to listen at first.

I think the saddest thing would have been if he suppressed the effects of his toxic FOO forever and I never knew really knew him.

It is good to know that SI will be here when the non-specific but immense sadness comes.