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And from my recent convo with XPOS I think DS may be right...

DS has been trained extensively in the military for "signs" to watch for, and he said he was talking to XPOS earlier and his father gave off every textbook sign there is. Unfortunately, there is nothing any of us can do as we are 4,000 miles apart. DS feels terrible, and that makes me feel terrible. The basic humanity in me compelled me to tell XPOS to call me any time he wants just so he can talk to someone. I told DS that, and he was appreciative of that gesture, but I clarified that it did not mean anything beyond that. He said he totally understood.

DS and I both believe that XPOS has hit rock bottom. DS said the karma bus has really come with a vengeance. But he is still his father, regardless of what he has done, and this scares him. I wish XPOS had kept his fucking mouth shut when talking to DS instead of now making DS worry to death about what he is going to possibly do.

I am just thankful that DS feels comfortable talking to me about it, and I told him to call me any time if he just wanted to talk. We both agreed not to discuss any of these thoughts with his sisters. I think DD17 is having some depression issues with this being the first holiday with our family broken apart and I am dealing with that.

Merry fucking Christmas...

Depression is a disease, and it can be fatal if not treated. XPOS is not your responsiblilty. If it would make DS feel better, maybe he could talk to his dad about getting treatment. Sounds like you're already taking care of DD. The holidays are always a bad time for this.

So sorry you and DS have to deal with this.

((hugs))

This is so tough. I am right there with you though, I would listen to my xWH if he were in the same position. I would do it for the kids. I couldn't look them in the face if he did do something and I had the ability to help and I chose not to. Plus, I would rather have him put his thoughts and woes on me than them. I can handle, deflect and detach better than the kids would. I say listen, you don't have to engage.

You can always ask the local LE to do a wellness check if you're getting vibes. Or simply call 911 if you think something is happening. Please remember that you are not responsible for the actions of another adult. I was held hostage for years because ex would threaten suicide whenever I forgot my place. Don't let that happen to you.

Does XPOS have any family your poor DS can refer this over to, hopefully some that live near XPOS? My mother often has suicidal ideas and shares them with me and I can tell you it is a horrible burden for a child, even an adult one. If he has grandparents or an aunt or uncle that could at least help him with the burden, I'm sure it would really help.

Hugs to you and your DS! I am sorry your DS is carrying that burden ~ let me tell you, it's a fucking heavy one. DS may have been trained to see "signs" but psychologically, it's a different animal when it's your parent. The guilt, the "what ifs", etc are not healthy for your DS. Your DS has to know that father is an adult and there isn't anything he can do to stop him from committing suicide. NOTHING! I wish your XPOS kept his mouth shut too

Does XPOS have any family your poor DS can refer this over to, hopefully some that live near XPOS?

Sadly, no. XPOS is an only child and all other relatives have all passed away except his elderly mother, who is dealing with her own end of life health issues. We believe the fact that she needs XPOS right now because she has no one else is the only reason XPOS has not done anything as of yet.

You can always ask the local LE to do a wellness check if you're getting vibes.

Except we don't know where he is living...

there isn't anything he can do to stop him from committing suicide

I've told DS that, and he understands, but it is still his father. XPOS even told me what he wants me to do with his truck if "something should happen to him." His truck is his pride and joy.

I wish your XPOS kept his mouth shut too

I can't begin to say how much I wish this were so! I can deal with whatever XPOS has to say, but it was totally cruel and uncaring of him to lay those passive "hints" on DS!! THAT pisses me off! DS will be coming home on Monday for about ten days so at least he will be around me for a while and he can talk to me in person about it.

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 1:00 PM, December 19th (Thursday)]

Pigfucker actually told our children that if they left him he would be all alone and have no reason to live.

Guess what, DD left almost 5 years ago and DS has been gone and back a couple of times. He's scheduled to leave PF again in January. This time for good. Pigfucker is (unfortunately) still drawing breath and wasting oxygen that could better be used for someone who isn't actually a waste of DNA.

If he did do the world a favor and off himself, I am sure that my aspie DS would try to blame himself, but I think DD would be relieved that she can stop pretending he might change. She's been mourning him for 5 years now, at least she'd finally be done.

In spite of the damage that might be done to my children if he kicked his own bucket, I think in the long run it would be the greatest gift he could ever give them. The rest of their lives away from his mind fuckery and general assholiness.