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overandone (original poster member #39162) posted at 9:53 AM on Friday, December 20th, 2013
Last night my fWH asked me if he should take Monday and Tuesday before Christmas off as holiday in order to help get everything ready for Christmas. What??!! He's never done that before, it's always been left to me to do it all. So I replied that it would have been so nice if he'd offered to do that years age (during his LTA) and I had 3/4 kids at home when I could really have done with some help and this year as the kids no longer live at home it was pretty much sorted.
He went very quiet, I think it really sunk in as he was pretty restless before going to sleep. I felt a bit guilty coming back with an unpleasant comment like that after a genuine offer of help.
But I couldn't help remembering an e-mail Christmas eve a few years ago when he told fOW that 'Christmas was all sorted' and why don't they meet up. Fact that I was up to my elbows in cooking, wrapping and dealing with overexcited children seemed to pass him by. He went out supposedly to do some last-minute Christmas shopping. And I wonder how many other last-minute shopping trips weren't what they seemed, but honestly can't be bothered to go there with him now. B*******! Grrrrr!
Me - BW (54)
Him - fWS (61)
kiddies - daughters 22 and 27,son 22,
d-day - April 18 2012
15 years on/off LTA
R - but lots of bumps in the long road
Flatlined123 ( member #35862) posted at 11:10 AM on Friday, December 20th, 2013
It's a double edged sword for them I think.
On one hand they see what they should have been doing and didn't, so now they offer to. On the other, you can't help feeling it's too little too late.
I've learned to appreciate that H now sees what he needs to do and most of the time just go with it.
Me: BS H: WS4 kids DD #1 7-11-08DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.Started R in 12-09"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."
overandone (original poster member #39162) posted at 11:18 AM on Friday, December 20th, 2013
You're right of course. I just still get a bit pissy sometimes. Try not to come out with too many such comments, but they slip out occasionally. 
Me - BW (54)
Him - fWS (61)
kiddies - daughters 22 and 27,son 22,
d-day - April 18 2012
15 years on/off LTA
R - but lots of bumps in the long road
catlover50 ( member #37154) posted at 12:49 PM on Friday, December 20th, 2013
I totally get it! I do try to balance the pissy with a thank you, but that is a consequence of their behavior.
Nothing is in a vacuum; everything for a BS goes through an A filter for a very long time. For example, a work Christmas party!
That Christmas Eve email must really burn. Glad your H has changed his ways.
Merry Christmas! It's a new day.
Dday -9/23/2012
Reconciled
Lostinthismess ( member #39210) posted at 4:20 PM on Friday, December 20th, 2013
I hate it too. All the offers of help, gifts etc. I can't help but think every time , it's only because he feels guilty, or you didn't step up after the affair on your own, only when you got caught. I hate being so jaded.
'You just keep living, until you are alive again'
'I don't want perfect, I want honest'
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