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Unagie (original poster member #37091) posted at 10:51 AM on Tuesday, December 24th, 2013
My BFF and I were talking. She is insistent I leave, asap, wants to drive me out of town and gets angry if I defend xSO to her. She told me she wished there was a way to erase my memories from the past 10 years and make it so that I have no memories of xSO even if it meant we never ended up friends because it hurt her to see me hurting and guilt ridden. I cringed at the thought, and told her it would solve nothing. If I forgot I would just be that person again with someone else because I never would have fixed my broken parts. I told her the fact that there are small details I have remembered but never been able to say drive me insane. XSO asked for no more details a long time ago as he said he didn't need them although i told him to let me know if and when hed ever be ready. We are no longer together and so she feels I need to let it go. I want to and am working through each memory along with the pain from his betrayal every day. It seems to never be enough though, I'm always dragging myself through the days.
As my best friend she calls or texts regularly, more if I slack and don't contact her. I know she cares and the idea is enticing when I am at my lowest but I know such a thing would solve nothing. So what do you guys think? Would anyone here like to have an eraser passed across their memories?
[This message edited by Unagie at 4:52 AM, December 24th (Tuesday)]
SurprisinglyOkay ( member #36684) posted at 12:41 PM on Tuesday, December 24th, 2013
Nope.
I am the sum of my experiences; the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Take them away and how would I learn from them?
How would I be able to help others through something similar?
I am where I am today because of my past experiences.
I feel better than ever today, because I fucked up my life so royally, and I have the chance to come out of it and transform into a better person.
I'm glad you have a friend who cares so deeply about you. If she gets too pushy, let her know. Don't let her push you away, we need people in our lives. 
FWS me 38 (recovering addict)
BS him 41 AFrayedKnot
Together 10 years
2 children
"Your secrets keep you sick"
longroadhome ( member #32428) posted at 1:26 PM on Tuesday, December 24th, 2013
If I had a choice I'd rather have a time machine than a memory eraser. I'd give anything to go back and make a different choice, but I never want to forget.
Me: WH
Her: BW, and the most amazing, beautiful person I've ever known
It is counterintuitive really... the less we defend our well-being, the more well we feel. ~ Nancy Colier
Darkness Falls ( member #27879) posted at 6:30 PM on Tuesday, December 24th, 2013
I second the wish for a time machine.
The memories are very painful. I've made many poor decisions in my life, certainly not limited to cheating. These choices have created scars on my psyche. The memories are that ache you get when you push on the scar, or when the weather changes and a once-broken bone aches.
I would give anything for a do-over. I would choose to do an entire decade of my life differently.
Married -> I cheated -> We divorced -> We remarried -> Had two kids -> Now we’re miserable again
Staying together for the kids
D-day 2010
pointofnoreturn ( member #41034) posted at 9:10 PM on Tuesday, December 24th, 2013
The sad thing is, a time machine and an eraser are both impossible. I always thought of it like this: I can't change what I did, but I can change the outcome. I can overcome my brokenness. Perhaps I can use what mistake I made to prevent someone else from doing the same. Or maybe I can help others out going what I'm going through.
I don't like what I did. I don't like that BBF has to suffer as an innocent bystander in all this. But I don't want to rugsweep and pretend it never happened again. Those who don't learn from history are bound to repeat it again.
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