SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I was in my relationship for 2 1/2 years when I found out about his infidelity. I had just moved in with him and began to notice he was always on his phone and he would go outside when his phone rang. Also he answered a text message while we were having sex. So I went through his messages one night. I was so angry at the first thing I saw that I didn't take the time to completely snoop. The first thing was inappropriate texting with sexual innuendos. Later I discovered a naked picture of him that he took since I moved in. Keep in mind this happened one week after I moved in. But this was not the worst of it. He admitted to sleeping with his ex wife about a year ago. He said it happened because he wanted to keep her happy so the divorce would be smooth. He had over 50 naked pictures of her on his phone and computer. The thing is even after I found out he did not get rid of the pictures. When I found them on his phone then he deleted them. When I found them on his computer then he deleted them. When I found them on his old phone he deleted them. He even video taped the act in our bed. I made him call her and end it. He was reluctant to because she had just got out of rehab and he didn't want her to go off the wagon. He did call her but he started it off with I want to give my relationship another try. This led me to believe he had told her we were over. His answer to that is he told his step daughter about our fight and she must have told his ex. But really? Why would you start your conversation that way? Supposedly she just got out of rehab and she couldn't have calls while she was in rehab. She was only out 24 hrs. So he would start this conversation assuming the step daughter has already told her mom? On top of all this. He maintained another relationship with am ex girlfriend that he hooked up with after his separation with the ex wife. This relationship was mostly via texting. They sent pictures back and forth. And met for drinks once. I talked to this girl. She had no idea about me. She lives in a different town and said now it all makes since, why she could never come to his place or meet his son. Now that he's been caught he says it was a mistake that he loves me and we can get through this and that he wants me to be happy. I decided to stay and try to work this out but I keep coming back to if he wanted me to be happy why did he cheat? It was not a mistake it was a choice and he knew when he made that choice what it would do to me. Especially since that was why he divorced his ex because she cheated on him. He had to know how I would feel! I'm still very angry, it's been about 6 months. He never talks about it unless I bring it up and then it's very vague. He admits the affair but won't give me any details. I ask him questions like why would you video it or do it on our bed but he doesn't know or says he didn't think about it. I need to know the whys. My friends say I may never know but I don't think I can move on without my answers. He has not done anything in the least 6 months that makes me believe he is still cheating. I read his phone when I want. His phone is on my plane so I review the bill and he never gets to go out of town without me.

Um, I'm thinking he's taken the A's underground. His 'official' phone you have access to ... he may have a burner phone. Check for In-Private Browsing on his computer ... it prevents the history from being saved.

would you video it or do it on our bed but he doesn't know or says he didn't think about it.

I'm calling Bull Hocky on this ... complete and utter fiction. He knew you weren't home, he knew the bed was available and he decided to use it.

If you are not married ... lay tracks and get the heck out of Dodge ... he sounds like he may be SA to me ... I'm no expert, but seriously he needs help that you as his SO cannot give him.

I would run away from this man as fast as I could if I were you. I know it's hard to hear, but the way he hasn't even talked about any of this, how blatant and constant it was....it makes me very worried for you in the future. Take a step back and move out if you can. Otherwise there is the possibility of a lot of hurt ahead of you.

[This message edited by norabird at 11:42 PM, February 3rd (Monday)]

What are the positives/benefits of being in this relationship? What is he giving you and how does he make you feel? Do you feel loved, comforted, protected?

So sorry you are here, but I have to agree with the others, you deserve someone who will treat you like you are the only woman on this earth.

This man is not the person you thought he was. He is a cheater, he refuses to discuss it or give you the details, and has done nothing to work on himself.

Yes, his affairs can go underground. There are other ways to cheat, a monthly payphone, different email accounts, calls from his work phone, lunch hours, etc.

Please think long and hard about a future with this man.

I appreciate everyone's information. I installed a spy program on his computer but nothing yet. His browser is not set to private and while checking the history he did visit porn sites. I am getting nothing out of this relationship other than anger. I do not feel he is committed to reconcile. He is still less than truthful and has deleted messages he sent to my BFF. He said he didn't want me to know what he said. 1st of all, whose BFF is it? Apparently not mine. She said I could read them but I no longer care. She said she doesn't understand my actions when my guy was helping her and her fiancé move and she had made arrangements for my guys stepdaughter to pick up a crib. The problem was, the ex wife was with her. My BFF said she didn't know the ex was coming which is a lie cuz she texted me an hr before I showed up but didn't text my guy. But idk cuz the messages were deleted. I am done. On Monday I rented my own place and plan on moving this weekend while he goes camping in the sand dunes. He suspects I'm moving out and has hit my friends up asking if I asked them to help.