SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm hoping typing this out will get me back on track. I've noticed a pattern in me that I'd really like to put a stop to. Here it is, Friday morning, and I should be looking forward to the weekend. Instead, I find myself overcome once again with this dark cloud, these feelings of loss, and I foresee yet another weekend of me curled up like a whiny baby in my house alone.

I've noticed recently that during the weeks, I feel generally positive as I can be at this point. Then, the weekend comes and I revert. Last weekend it was my first V-day alone, so that kind of explains it. I honestly don't remember what happened the weekend before and the weekend before that, but I know I made plans during the week that I flaked out on because I was once again a wreck. I start having the thoughts I know I shouldn't be having, like "maybe if I told her she was pretty more often" or "maybe if we went out to dinner more" or "maybe if I did this, that, or whatever, she wouldn't have felt the need to cheat and just drop me from her life." I blame myself, I want her to give me answers, and I want her to come back. I know she won't though. I know it's not my fault deep down. It still doesn't stop the thoughts.

Dammit, I just wanted to have a good weekend for once...

Weather wise, it's going to be positively beautiful here, so maybe try to find an outdoor project? Go for a walk?

Filling in spare time on the weekends is a process so taking small steps is just fine

And please don't second guess yourself. Your stxw is solely responsible for her cheating. You had nothing to do with her poor decisions and coping mechanisms.

It takes a while for the emotional brain to catch up with the logical one, SoulHurts. ((((hugs))))

If social plans are too much for you right now, make a to do list for yourself instead. Keep yourself busy - running errands, tackling a home improvement project, gathering donations for Goodwilll, cleaning out closets, etc.

Make a point of moving your body in some way - go for a walk, a run, a bike ride. Run your stairs, hit the gym, whatever the activity may be, physical exertion will get your endorphins flowing and can elevate your mood while burning off some of the negative energy.

You can do this, SH.

Once again man, I can totally relate. I spent over eight years worth of weekends with her. So now, I dread them. What am I going to do? They are the time that I feel most lonely.

It gets better though. Once you start to get back to your "single self", it gets easier. I still don't like the loneliness all the time, but I'm starting to appreciate my alone time.

Just like you had to learn to live with her when you first moved in together (way easier, I know), you'll learn to live without her.

Hang in there bud.

I understand where you are. In the beginning if it were not for the kids, I am not sure I would have bothered getting out of bed on the weekends. I am also grateful, as crazy as it is, that I found out during the summer so the weather was nice and there was sunshine. I remember spending hours sitting outside in the sun reading. Then I started running - that helped - even though I always hated running before. Weekends are tough. Try to make plans - even small ones at the beginning - just something to stay active.

I have found that making plans and keeping them is really, really, really good for me. So try not to flake on anything this time, if there are events planned--you may feel terrible beforehand, and hate dragging yourself out, but try it and see if it doesn't distract you and improve your mood! Note that sometimes getting out and being social does involve my crying to my friends or alone in the bathroom sometimes. It doesn't stop the activity/social time from being fun, just means that you don't have to shut down or hide your emotions. Everyone has been very understanding of the fact that sometimes when we hang out these days I may get emotional or overwhelmed.

That said everyone is different and maybe you need to wallow baby-like on the weekends for a while. Or you could set a certain number of hours this weekend for curling up like a fetus under the strict understanding that when the time elapses, you dust yourself off, get up and get going.

Anyway that's my totally contradictory commentary for the day.

Thanks everyone, a lot of good points and ideas here. Like Deeply Scared said, the weather this weekend in our area is supposed to be quite nice. Maybe its time to work on the yard again (fertilize, weed killer, mow up the remaining leaves, etc). My best friend's birthday is this weekend too - he's been a BS himself at one point and has been a rock for me. He's still not sure if we'll be doing anything this weekend since his work may interfere, but if he does, I will make myself go somehow.

As for this evening, I don't have any plans and I may take the opportunity to wallow in self pity. As for tomorrow, I'll try to make plans and stick to them. Baby steps I suppose...