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Guys, tell me, generally speaking, what takes place in a strip club and men get a private lap dance. We're speaking of Toronto, Ontario strip clubs here.

In other words, what would a man get? Generally speaking. Is it just touching.

My husband confessed that he used to go to strip clubs on Friday afternoon. I asked him about lap dances, he says, ya I think I went a couple of times ... Hahaha. I bet only a couple of times.

Not a guy, but my brother has frequented strip clubs and I've had many guy friends over the years who went to them.

One friend in particular used to tell me about the 'back rooms' at certain strip clubs in my general area. No, they aren't located in Canada (I'm in New Jersey) but he told me many times he paid like $30 for a BJ in the back room at several of them.

I think if a guy is looking for a little girlie action, it's pretty easy to find at most strip clubs.

JMHO.

Strip clubs vary wildly, from some that are bikini-only and 6' distance from dancers.. to full out brothels with beds and private rooms where sex occurs frequently.

There are various "strip club review" websites out there and I'd suggest you key in the precise stripclub and look for reviews on it. That will give you a better feel for what kind of club your husband has been visiting.

That being said, full-contact lap dances are something that is not what many people consider relationship appropriate behavior. Having some scantily clad woman grinding on your SO's crotch in an effort to sexually arouse them is generally not something many wives feel comfortable with.

(((LBTS))))

Does it matter other than protecting yourself from diseases at this point what he did? You know he is an expert liar, and loves to minimize, the fact that he hid this/or lied by omission about it until this point is pretty darn telling wouldn't you agree?

I guess it could vary widely, but at a popular-type strip club a lap dance is usually something that takes place somewhat away from the dance floor, but not really in private.

For a generous tip the dancer will dance up close, then straddle the man, grinding and rubbing her groin against his. Clothes stay on, but the goal is often to get the guy off.

I had a friend in college who danced in a strip club. She danced on a stage, did not do private room dances, and there was absolutely no touching under the clothes. That being said, my friends and I did visit her at work- no touching did include her grinding on men's crotches (clothes on, but clothes were touching) and men often put their faces in her boobs. Aside from that (which by the way, I consider to be inappropriate in and of itself), she did not have sex with any of the men there, let them touch her, or anything at all like that.

I currently am a nurse at a community health clinic. We see a lot of uninsured patients of all professions- and it includes many strippers. Who come in, tell stories of what happens with them and at the places they work. I can just say- if my husband even so much as walked into some of the strip clubs these women work at- both of us would be getting STI tests immediately.

Basically- they vary from place to place- and they vary from people to people as well.

Unfortunately, when you are dealing with women who are using their bodies to sexually arouse men for money..... When offered more money, many women will go further to make that extra buck. I don't think it is any surprise that many of those bikini barista coffee stands have been shut down due to prostitution. I personally don't see a ton of difference.

Been to a few, but has been quite a while. Probably not in 20 yrs though. Most were just as described with little touching. Some places you can get lap dances and not be allowed to touch with hands. Some are in the back and depends on the girls and money. In those places you get what you pay for (maybe more, see nurses post above). I have seen this side too. Saw some crazy shit once in a while. When i used to go, i would go with friends and hang at bar, tuck a few bucks and couldn't wait to gethome to wife. I know that doesn't sound great but never crossed that line. I even told wife i went. Never hid it from wife so she didnt think anything else went on. I'd tell myself that as long as i didnt go too far, my wife would eventually reap the rewards when i got home.

[This message edited by StuckinNJagain at 2:59 AM, March 4th (Tuesday)]

my wife would eventually reap the rewards when i got home.

Lovely. So you're assuming that your wife would appreciate your 'libido' being stroked by a STRIPPER before you had sex with your wife?

And you're the BH?

Interesting.

Sorry for the T/J, livebythesea.

((LBTS))

I agree to find out the name of the strip club. There are online reviews of strip clubs and many times the reviews mention if any sort of sex is possible or common. It's how I found out one of the clubs my WH went to was so nasty.

Some clubs are only look but don't touch but I wouldn't trust the word of any WS on this. See if you can find the name and search reviews online.

[This message edited by BtraydWife at 6:32 AM, March 4th (Tuesday)]

My husband frequented strip clubs in Canada before we were married. He went in Ontario, by Niagara Falls ass he lived in Buffalo.

He said the lap dances took place in the back rooms. The girls stripped completely. It was full on body contact. He frequently was allowed to touch, and several times blow jobs were a part of the "lap dance".

I asked him about lap dances, he says, ya I think I went a couple of times .

I've found that they tend to have "selective memory" on things they don't really want to discuss or divulge. He "thinks" he went a couple of times? He knows how many times he went, and he knows exactly what went on. Unless he is compartmentalizing (because he doesn't want to remember and that is a different problem).

Honestly, strip clubs are a deal breaker for me at this point. In my world, it is cheating and my SO knows this. He went a few times before we started dating, but if that is something he feels the need to have in his life, he doesn't need me in his life. There are plenty of men that live their lives quite happily without frequenting sex bars.

If you know the name of the club, you probably can find details about what occurs there quite easily, online---the aforementioned review sites offer all kinds of sordid info.

In my experience (as a BW, not man), strip clubs in some areas ---and I'm including some high-end, "upscale" clubs in large cities--- permit a GREAT deal of physical contact. Lap dances in Houston, for example, involve touch. And it only takes a fistful of dollars to go the the back room for sex. My husband had blowjobs, vaginal intercourse, and God knows what else in the back rooms of strip clubs.

This is how I contracted my first STDs.

You need to stop believing this man and protect your sexual health. And your life.

Clothes stay on, but the goal is often to get the guy off.

OK, I'm showing my ignorance, and sorry for the t/j - but do guys routinely ejaculate during a lap dance? I did not realize that - I guess I've never really thought about it.

Gah, what a mess.

I would think if they had a hair trigger it would certainly happen. I guess it depends on the effort made for it to happen and how much it would take for him to O.

Lovely. So you're assuming that your wife would appreciate your 'libido' being stroked by a STRIPPER before you had sex with your wife?

And you're the BH?

Interesting.

It sounds like she was given the opportunity to voice a complaint and chose not to. Looks cut and dry to me.

wrt what goes on, I have not been to one of these places in more than 15 years either and didn't really pay much attention. Aside from embarrassing myself, looking up to see some womans crotch spread wide and pulsating like the Sarlacc belching after Boba Fett fell in screaming was not a real sexy experience. I have an A&P class coming up though so maybe I will make a trip out to one of these places again with a notepad and flash cards.

Since this is an anonymous board I will weigh in and say that many years ago I worked as a dancer in a couple different clubs.

I NEVER was touched by a man, had any level of sexual contact with a man, never "dated" outside the club.

However, many girls do, especially the drug users.

One club I worked in had a total no touching policy and we stood a few feet away in front of the patron. Another did have a "VIP" area but there was always a bouncer there and it was in public view.

All that said, I was aware of other clubs with little "private rooms" and heard some pretty gross stuff. Overall though, the places I worked were very tame.

I was a single mom at the time and it was good money, but I never made the $$ the "party girls" took in....not even close.

Many of them had a sugar daddy or two who financed most of their expenses. (YUCK!)

Thanks for all your replies everyone. I know what can take place in those clubs. I knew my husband visited them from time to time, he told me, however, I just found out last Friday that he also visited those private rooms. Also just found out this morning that he has been texting someone in the states. Checking cell phone today and noticed a pattern. Whenever he was out of the province working, he would text someone to the u.s. I'm gonna ask him about them, but I already know what his answer will be "I don't know", I don t remember ...

At this point, it is really up to me as to what I am willing to accept and not accept. Live with or live without.

I am a female but I know a thing or two about strip clubs. when younger I worked with a lot of strippers. I made costumes and was immersed sometimes in that environment. I have heard LOTS of things. Basically, it depends on two things: the stripper, and what she is willing to try to get away with. It also depends on the local laws, the owner and whether he is willing to risk his licenses and such over illegal activities, the type of area, a lot of other things.

If you read my thread you will see that my husband visited a strip club and it was the straw that broke my back. I immediately kicked him out, I was devastated. He of course swears he didn't get lap dances blah blah blah. How do I know. It will forever leave me with a brokenheart. In our area the laws are *supposed* to be strict - no alchohol, no full nudity I don't even thin they are supposed to be topless on the floor, have to stay so many feet away from customers. These rules might limit some prostitution and stuff but ultimately like I said anyone can get around anything if they want to bad enough. I know for a fact this club was/is being investigated for prostitution, drugs, tax evasion, assaults, you name it. I know who the owner is, and you would think he was an upstanding business man who *just wants to run a good business*. You can check his personal facebook page and he is on there with both his kids and his stripper girlfriend and acting like the club is just a fun party place.

Like the the other poster said, there are of course some, but few imo, strippers who are completely on the up and up, sober, and maybe even in a relationship they are unwilling to be unloyal to. For me, I don't like having to hope my husband somehow cavorted around with the two loyal, good girl strippers who might work there. KWIM? In my case I went in there. Like I said, fuck it, I'm not afraid, been there done that. The hostess girl talked to me a lot, but I did nto have the stomach to talk to anyone else.

Get on The Ultimate Strip Club Review and look up your club. There will learn a lot. Or Backpage (backdoor?) is also a good one. Just looking at the club' swebsite can give you some ideas, but especially their facebook business page AND the personal facebook pages of the owner and the strippers. They all try to use stage names of course and most have fb pages marketing their stripping under their stage name, but it's easy to find real names. You'd be surprised how often Destiny and Ambrosia will comment on the strip club page or like something from their "real" fb page! From checking out these fb pages (the club, the owner, the strippers) you can usually see tons of pictures. If you are really determined, it's easy to see who the main regular customers are of the club, and then check their pages. Again, more pics. I wouldn't doubt there are plenty of unsuspecting married men in public internet pics. I often wonder who all those guys in the background might be.

out last Friday that he also visited those private rooms.

Those aren't for chatting and lap dances. Private rooms=gross.

I'm glad you keep pushing for the truth. You are right. You know enough and part of that is knowing all these times he swore he didn't do anything, he was looking into your eyes and lying.

What do you want from a spouse? Do you think you'll be able to have that with someone who disrespects you so much?

I know the idea of divorce is scary. Instead of it meaning you lose something (lose what-being disrespected?) I hope you can start to see that it means you can gain something.

You still have time to find an honest, respectable man who will cherish you and love you the way you deserve to be loved. You still have a chance to let go of this constant stress you feel by being in a relationship that is damaging your psyche. You have a chance to be at peace and fundamentally happy.

Finallyhappy, maybe i wasnt clear. I informed wife BEFORE i went. She knew i was going. Maybe for bachelor party or something. She also knew that i wouldnt put myself in a position to cross any lines or boundries. I wouldnt have gone if she wasnt ok with it and she was given that option before the fact.

For you to insinuate that my being BS at this point is in anyway the same is way offbase and wrong. Probably a poor choice of words on my part, but in no way "interesting" as you say.