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I think I am finally ready. I can't wait any longer. Telling myself its a mid-life crisis (which it is). I deserve better. I am hoping to make it official as painlessly as possible. But I can't even make it through a conversation about divorce without crying.

Hi 20Hopeful16,

I totally get not being able to have that conversation. It is very hard. But that shouldn't stop you from doing what you have to do to be safe and heal.

Write a letter. STBX and I never actually had the D conversation. I wrote her an email stating what I required to feel safe (NC, openness, etc), and I wrote right there if she couldn't provide this it wouldn't be a trial separation, like she wanted, but a Divorce. I also gave her a hardcopy. She complained that "it wasn't romantic enough" and said "let's just be friends".

I moved out a day or two later, while she wasn't home, without telling her. I'm sure she was angry. She probably still is. She filed first, but I had told her a specific date when I was going to file, so I guess it doesn't matter who filed.

However you do it, take care of your own self. Don't worry about him or what he says or does. Separate mentally - he already did.

(((20Hopeful16)))

(((20Hopeful16))))

I'm so sorry. It will get better. One foot in front of the other.

I blamed a midlife crisis for 3 years...hoping one day he would wake up and choose me over the white trash he worked with.

It never happened...the man I married has been dead for years and this new man is someone I definitely no longer want to spend the rest of my new life with.

You do deserve better!!!

Time only makes it easier!!! ((((20))))

A lot of that crying might be fear. Just take it one step at a time.

Going to those free lawyer consultations definitely gave me some power back and some perspective, so I would suggest that if you haven't yet.. Fear of the unknown is very paralyzing, but when you start breaking it down into pieces, it becomes more manageable.

Protect yourself and those kiddos..

Sending lots of hugs..

Thank you all for the support. I am talking to a friend who is an attorney later this week. We have been divorced all but legally for months. He's living with the home wrecking whore since September 2013. But he keeps hoovering and trying to cake-eat. And I keep justifying why I let him. Now it stops, and I move on.