DDTC,
My XH's new wife told my XH that he couldn't talk to HIS sister because she and I talk once a week. She is my BFF, has been since 1983. She would not allow our 4 children to visit HIS parents if she knew In Laws and I had a conversation! My kids and InLaws are very, very close. I did not live near my grandparents growing up and I was still close to them. I will not get in the way of something as special as a grandparent/child relationship.
Sooo, since the kids were missing Gma and Poppy, I started to take them to visit the inlaws. I would drop the kids off and go to the mall and hang out for the day. I would come back be invited to dinner and eat. There were plenty of times I did that will my SO(at the time). In laws liked him, loved that he treated me and my kids so well.
SO thought it was odd, but made peace with it, once he became friends with them. They are nice people.
I tried to keep a low profile as NW was keeping their son from them. They are older (85) and they do have health issues, I did not want my presence to keep their son away. That changed 2 years ago, due to NW's attitude, XH championing her attitude and the truth about some things coming to light. The inlaws and XH/NW no longer have a relationship.
I have a granddaughter - Their great granddaughter! They can no longer make the drive to see her, and they adore her! DD (mommy) is very busy with single mom, working full time and finishing school full time. I take the baby once a month and we visit Gma & Poppy.. spend the day take pics/video and watch the miracle that is this baby.
XH hasn't seen his granddaughter in over a year. She's 2! NW will not let him.
These people are a HUGE part of my kids memories growing up. When the marriage imploded they took in XH, and picked me up off the floor, and took care of the kids. My kids feel so much love from them - How could I deny them that? How can your GF deny your kids that feeling?
My aunt summed it up pretty well when her son divorced the mother of his children " I like XW, she's not related anymore, but she is still a friend. The kids need a family now more than ever, they need to know that family is there to support them good and bad. I'm not turning my back on them." THAT was 35 years ago. XW still comes to family reunions, she brings her H. Heck my mom still gets wedding invitations from my dad's family, up until a few years ago was still traveling with his sister. My parents divorced in 1984.
My feeling, you arent' holding on to inlaws for any other reasons than they are your kids family, and they are your friends.
If XH had done the right thing by his kids and his parents, I would never have stepped in to help facilitate their grands relationship. I think you feel the same about your XW.
I think your GF needs to grow up and stop feeling so insecure in your relationship.
Don't change whats working for you. it doesn't need to be changed. Her attitude does.
Good luck
K
[This message edited by Kajem at 12:18 PM, May 27th (Tuesday)]