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If you have a good relationship with your ex-inlaws keep it. It's for the kids sake. Divorce doesn't mean they are no longer family.

Having said that I have tried to stay in contact with my ex - inlaws. They did the dirty on me, we had a 12 months break. She apologised realising unless she treats me well she won't get to see her grandchildren. Within months she was back to her old tricks trying to play my ex and me off against each other so I called it quits. If the kids ask me to see her I would facilitate that. They no longer ask as they have seen the damaging games she likes to play first hand. She is very manipulative and bitched about me openly in front of my children to the ex. Lying blatantly, and the kids called her out on it. They get enough game playing from their father they don't need to have a relationship with grandparents that do the same.

Just be careful as blood is thicker then water.

My former FIL was the best man at my second wedding. XWW stays the night at my mom's house once or twice a week, that started because I required her custody to be supervised for a while (long story).

I know it is late on the post seeing she showed you her true colors, but I still wanted to weigh in on this topic.

I'm not still close to in in-laws, as they are not involved in the kids lives. BUT, I am very close to my fSIL/fBIL. (My ex's brother and his wife and kiddos). They actually live in my neighborhood and I see them frequently.

No one I've dated has ever had a problem with my continued relationship with my ex's family. We keep clear boundaries with "who has when". If they have a party, ex and I work out who is going to the party and when. I"m not saying it is perfect, but I'm cognizant of the blurred lines and we all simply work together. They try to stay out of disagreements between ex and I and support us both the best way they can.

It has nothing to do with me not being over my ex, it is us all working together for the kid's sake.

Well if this has turned into a thread about being in contact with xILs ... I cannot comprehend why anyone would have a problem with a parent who stays in touch with xIL and xuncles and xcousins when there are kids involved. Why would you automatically cut your kids off from half their blood relatives? Unless abuse of some sort were involved? The latter is the only scenario that makes sense to me when kids are in play.

But there are occasions when it's weird to stay in contact. I'll give you an example so that the difference is obvious and any of you daters that get challenged on the issue can speak confidently to your normalness.

When I met xWH and thought he had only been married once before (for 3 years,no kids) I found out he was still close with xSIL and xBIL. In fact, he lived with them for almost a year. At the time all I said to him "doesn't your xW care?" (B/c I'd be angry if my family didn't take my side). He said no. Ahem. Shockingly that was a lie. xW didn't know. So years later what do I find out? The xSIL had the hots for my xWH. They did have an A. And when the xW found out her xSIL and xBIL were in contact, she stopped speaking to her sister. See, THAT'S when it's inappropriate to still have contact with xILs. When you're fucking them. Sheesh.

I think it's wonderful that your x inlaws have a relationship with your children. They sound like wonderful people, and a positive influence in your lives.

I never had to deal with this issue as my x's parents were dead when I met him, and his stepfather was a wonderful man, who also died fairly early.

I do find it odd though that your girlfriend seems to be so dogmatic with respect to you life. It seems like she should really just mind her own business with respect to how you raise your children.

My fwh has a very strong family connection with his ex in laws, had no children. He had a crappy childhood, they were there for him. I have always been the type of person who felt the more love there is the better. I had a very strong self esteem (taken some hits and working on it). I accepted their friendship and gained more family. When we adopted our child, she became their grandchild. They have always been at her events, and we do some holidays to gather. When he cheated they took him to task. His x is not in the picture.

To me this is about to a few things establishing dominance in a relationship, self esteem, priorities being messed up (children) and lack of respect over meaningful relationships in your life.

I think if the verbiage had been this freaks me out help me understand it would have been different. This is a demand, which doesn't include any feelings being considered but hers, Not yours, not your kids or your in laws. This has big red flags it is all about her.

Expect to jump through hoops constantly. My mom died. My dad remarried his new wife demanded we not visit, only do things with him, scheduled a job on my sister's wedding day and he chose to leave early. Of course her family was welcome different rules.

My question to you becomes who is collerlal damage next? If you become long term with a special need child, would she demand you place son or not be so involved ed. I say get out now. I am colored by my father's now ex wife who never had enough and it ended by her affair.

[This message edited by PricklePatch at 8:51 PM, May 28th (Wednesday)]