omg yes yes yes. it is an exit strategy.
we are not married. 14 year relationship.
my only legal tie to him is co-ownership of the house.
he has financially taken advantage of me.
i was going to just leave and sell house letting him take 50% of "profit" when sold, but he's only contributed 20% and i have it set up so that if it closes as arranged, there should be just SOME remediation as I'm to get the fair percentage of profit, and he's also to pay me back for 1/2 of the probably 12-15K i put into house to upgrade for sale; otherwise I would have lost tons of money.
My mom and friend pushed me to just walk, to forget about the money, money isn't everything but it was more than that. He could have refused to sell, refused to vacate. I was paying all the bills, so he had no incentive. Only Narc Supply from me could string him along. I needed for him to agree to sell and to get out of the house.
Yes it's a bit torturous. Depends on day. Sometimes it's all I can do to not feel broken. My therapist, on the other hand, gently encouraged me to "fight back." Yes, I got a secret attorney, but I didn't want to fight via attorney's. I wanted to get him to agree so I could avoid the whole attorney drama.
It's tortuous, yes, but I have found so much strength as well. This is clearly as case of what doesn't kill you....
My realtor also advised me to take him with me when we vacated our house just before putting house on market. Or he was likely to stay, not move, not sign to sell or otherwise make it impossible for me to get rid of house and him. (not that he wants me, he just prefers a "free ride.") She's been in real estate for a long time and has seen "things."
I am too far down the road to walk now. We close in just under 15 days. I've been very strategic and yet I have often WONDERED if all this was worth it, but where else would i be? Duking it out with attorney's, having them chase him around for paperwork, running up my bills, and causing me months or more of aggravation. No. I didn't want any of that. I wanted out. This was in my mind, and I could be wrong, the best way to get out with the most dignity. Like you can't treat me like this and get away with it!!!
And Yes, I have no idea how to actually leave after closing. THAT is a subject of another post soon enough. I am afraid, not of his physical violence, because like so many NPDs he's not going to do anything that anyone could know about (his reputation is so so so very important to him!). I don't want to discuss it with him, I don't want to engage. I have a feeling that when he sees the relatively low number on his check at closing, he's going to blow a gasket and even if he signs, and he may not triggering breach of contract, but if he signs, I'm bound to get tons of emotional raging words in a horrible angry, nasty tone of voice. THAT i hope will give me an excuse to say "I can't take it anymore, I'm leaving," (or write that in a note) and take off with my pets (also his, but he doesn't really want them.)
I don't want him to know that i've planned this all along. No way.
Please everyone send good thoughts or vibes or prayers out to me on this; i'm really afraid we won't close. Likely he'll have a meltdown and then eventually sign, but it's really going to be touch and go and no matter what, it's going to be an extremely difficult day.
PS sorry to go on about stupid OW and latest event; truly, i was just testing my intuition, and venting to you about incredible stupidity and just so illogical and jaw dropping behavior....and as far as trying to figure out crazy, it was said extremely well: his behavior will never make sense to me. period, the end. thank you all. And yes, maybe I should have saved every bit of my sanity rather than going this route, but i kinda need that money for the next part of my journey and i have gained strength that I think I really needed, as I am pretty much the soft co-dependent leaning type that NPDs parasites love . THANK YOU ALL AGAIN for being here!!!!!!!
[This message edited by TheAgonyOfIt at 12:08 AM, June 6th (Friday)]