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Anyone become angry again years later? Not for the specifics of the A or the initial betrayal, but because of the years of hell that were experienced after Dday.

I'm coming up on 3 years post Dday, which certainly explains quite a bit about the resurgence of memories, triggers and emotions lately. The one thing that is hitting me this year that didn't really past years is anger. Sure, I have seen slow and steady progress, learning and healing occurring for me, my fWW and our M over the past few years. But there has been so much pain to travel through and there is more yet to work through. I'm angry that the A was, in effect, a sentence to years of emotional, psychological and even, to a degree, physical pain for me. As the saying goes, infidelity is the gift that keeps giving. Now that I'm comprehending how long it keeps giving and the enormity of the damage it has caused, I'm just furious that my fWW and BFF gave this gift to me.

[This message edited by Crushed7 at 12:26 PM, January 17th (Saturday)]

I'm coming up in three years since dday, too. And I, like you, have a lot of anger this year. I hate the memories of the aftermath more than anything, especially since TT throws you off guard.

I don't know if you are working on R or anything, my WH and I are. We talked last night about my fears and anger and everything related. I feel better today because of it.

Hugs. I'm sorry to hear others have this kind of anger.

Just past 3 years last September. I feel really angry for the unnecessary pain that I've gone through. I'm angry that my h doesn't consider fap a bad, immoral thoughtless jerk. I'm mad that he hasn't missed a night of sleep in the last 3 years, but still complains that he never sleeps. I'm mad that he stated that I've never been the same, that I'm so sad. Well duh!

The sadness, I'm used to, the anger sems to have just resurfaced. We talked yesterday, yes I feel better, believe it or not. I'm just angry that I have to. Definitely the gift that keeps on giving.

I'm 11 yrs out from Dday and I can honestly say that I no longer harbor any anger toward anyone (op included). I would have bouts of anger from time to time until I realized that I can be angry about time lost and waste the time I have now or I can let go of the anger and use my time for more important things. Like letting my daughter see a strong woman who doesn't let her circumstances define her but rises above them.

Huge hugs to you all.

I can still feel great anger, even nearly 5 years after D-day. But only if I choose to feed it. So if my minor irritation turns into significant anger, I need to check myself and see what's going on with me. And address it. Doing so usually doesn't involve me discussing it with WW. But sometimes it can.

One of the biggest sources of my anger is that same feeling of unfairness you mention, about what was done to me without my consent or knowledge.

Often my anger is also a response to fear, fear that it will happen again. IMHO, WW hasn't really done the work. I believe my fear would be less if she did. She knows this. But her response is to dissolve in a puddle of shame, and declare I'd be so much better without her, and deserve someone better. Or to question when I'll be "over that". This is not helpful to me at all.

Since I can't expect her to fix me, I do what I can to respond to my feelings and not react to them. Exercise, meditation, talking about them, etc.

A little over two years and yes. Anger,disgust...over the treatment after the affair.

I stayed angry...and buildt my walls of protection...H went into denial, lying, TT then angry punishment, when I didn't heal quickly. REAL emotional abuse..Thats when my anger grew.. ...He was really past any boundary of respect...Then he it became obvious , hes an alcoholic , to an emergency level...I still have my walls, my shock has returned, ...I heal myself... . I keep wondering what happened to my life? How did this happen? How did it go so far? We all have problems..You think you will make yourself clear, make a boundary, things will work out somehow...infidelity, alcoholism, health,,,its mind blowing I am very angry...I am just this side of screaming my head off..

Sure, I'm human, 16 years after D; her two years of treachery and lies, I'm still angry. At least once a month, I still have a vivid, intense flashback. A well fall of pain. So yeah, this is a permanent injury, like forever. On the other hand, it doesn't ruin my enjoyments or ability to love and trust and work. Its like a old wound that sometimes flares, a fact of life. It happened,a stab and there was never a guarantee I now know that it wouldn't and by god I'd say I'm still better off than some poor kitty cat, abandoned by its owner. Mourning and sad and never understanding why. Life goes on and we humans are stronger than this adversity. Good luck to all.

This very week, I thought to myself, I am just really starting to live again. It felt good. Almost a full day would go by without thinking of the pain h put me through. Was away for 5 days, to find out he was viewing porn on a daily basis, when no porn was a deal breaker. I am not falling apart, I am hurt, not quite sure what my next step will be.

We are strong!