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I am curious to know what others do for their parenting schedule with 50/50 custody. What do you like about it and what do you not like?

We are considering the one week on one week off with a dinner mid week and the split week two days/two days, alternating weekends.

We are leaning toward the one week on one week off as it seems it will be the smoothest/easiest logistically for the kiddos, but man it feels like a long time in between for me. I know we will all adjust in the end, but wanted to hear how those that are currently living it feel about it.

Thanks.

Ours is strange. I have the kids Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday one week and Wednesday, Thursday on alternating weeks. It works. We each get school time and weekend time, and they are never gone for more than three days.

I wanted a week on week off. XWW didn’t. Out kids are young. We had a fucked up schedule to start bc it was our “married” schedule. Her job created our schedule. (I had kids every Sun, Mon, Wed night) snd we alternated Fri and Sat nights. She proposed an even worse schedule which gave me 70% custody but it wasn’t what was best for the kids. I proposed a 2-2-5-5 and told my lawyer if she doesnt agree to this I will fight for full custody. She changed her tune pretty quick after that. So i have kids every Mon Tuesday. She has them every Wed Thurs. we alternate fri,Sat,Sundays. It works well overall. The kids like it a hell of a lot better. I’m hoping when they are older we can do week on week off to limit the transitions. We can always add a dinner night during the week.

Only advice I have is you probably won’t get 100% of what u want (unless ur Ex agrees with u). But just keep the kids ur #1 priority in anything u decide. Everyone will adjust to a fair consistent schedule.

Our kids were 10 and 8 when XWW moved out. We agreed pretty easily to the one week on, one week off schedule. Started out making switch on Sunday afternoons, but moved the day to Friday afternoon/evening once school started. The kids felt less "rushed around" if the switch was made at the beginning of the weekend. I get a small advantage in that the children still get off the bus at my place on her week with the boys, so I get an extra 30 minutes to an hour on those days until she picks up after work. We each get ample phone/video chat time on our off weeks, so it has worked out really well.

Ex wanted 50/50, but bc of his work schedule it ended up being a 70/30 split. Even though he’s the manager and writes the schedule, he wouldn’t change his hours/days for the kids. We swap weekends and then he gets an overnight every Tuesday and every other Wednesday. It Works ok for us. I wish during the week it was different bc he doesn’t help much with hw and making sure stuff is done and turned in on time. The kids seem to have adjusted well. They sometimes get the Wednesday mixed up, but for the most part they’re pretty used to it. We swap spring break/feb break, so the kids were just with him for a week. To me it felt like forever, but that’s when FaceTime and texting help.

ETA: our weekend is a bit different too as it starts on Saturdays. E/O weekend he picks the kids up at 10 am Saturday and then gets them to school Monday morning.

[This message edited by iwouldnever at 2:32 PM, March 3rd (Saturday)]

XW and I do a 2-2-3 right now (like redfury)

But I would like to switch to a 2-2-5-5 (like SuperDaddy).

XW says she can't go 5 days without seeing Big Mister. For now, it's fine. I'll try to change it when Big Mister is a little older.

Big Mister was 3.5 years old when XW moved out. So it's all Big Mister has really known. And from what I read, it's better for younger kids to have the more consistent contact with each parent, even though it creates more transitions. The older they get, the longer they can stay at one place.

I like the 2-2-3 for now because I do get to see Big Mister frequently. I would like to change to 2-2-5-5 because it would make the days he's with me consistent every week. I could plan to do something every Monday night or etc.

Eventually, I think it will be week on/week off. But we'll see. Eventually, he'll make his own choice.

How old are your kids?

Hey Minnesota,

Just to chime in....the 2-2-5-5 works really well for us and the kids. My XWW had similair arguments as yours. 5 days seems like alot but Facetime the off days obviously helps. Having every Monday and Tuesday with the kids def helps “plan” things better.

My kids are 3 and 7. So since Big Mister is close in age if u wanted to try it I’d suggest talking to XWW. The kids know every Monday Tuesday they are at my house and Wed Thurs they are at Mom’s. It is way more consistent in my opinion. The kids always know whose house they’ll be at based on the day.

Just my .02. As long as u have something that works for u and the kids and even XWW. Thats all that really matters.

We just agreed to the schedule a couple of weeks ago so we'll see how it works out. I have the Monday and Tuesday, he has them Wednesday and Thursday. We alternate weekends. I had my lawyer write a clause that each of us is entitled to a minimum 2 hour visit during our 5-day stretch without the kids. What I wanted was what my friend has, she has her kids Sunday Monday and Friday Saturday one week, then the next week she has them Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday. My ex didn't want to do that because he thought it would be too confusing, but I think that would be ideal for the kids.

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 11:09 PM, March 3rd (Saturday)]

Thanks for all the input. My kids are 12, 10, and 6.

Hi Mostlyhopeful.

We go 50/50. I have the three kids every other week.

Changeover is Monday afternoons after school.

It works well as it doesn't cut into the weekends and if I take the kids away, it doesn't matter if we come home late Sunday.

50/50 was my choice. Their mother only wanted them four days a fortnight. I pushed for the 50/50 to spite her. Not a good idea in hindsight. As I'd been the main care giver for quite some time, I missed the kids terribly. It was very tough in the beginning.

Keeping that in mind, I think the time without them has helped me move on.

It's hard to comprehend in the beginning as the loneliness is almost overwhelming, but at sometime in the future, you will need time for yourself if you hope to build a new life.

Oh, and the kids settled into it far quicker than I did.

Interesting reading this. We are arguing right now over the schedule. As he puts it, he wants 12/28 days. Problem is: he's starting a new job where he made need to work late or go in early, he doesn't see a problem with getting her to bed late on a school night (she's 7), and he doesn't take her to activities all the time.

We can agree on every other weekend, but it's the week days we're fighting over right now. I've proposed every Tuesday night to Wednesday morning for him, then add in Monday nights if she's been with me all weekend. We'll see what he says.

Oh, and he doesn't want to sit down with a lawyer or mediator and discuss this. He just wants to do this through email or text. Asshat.

2-2-5-5 works pretty well for me for a few reasons.

1) All standard kid exchanges happen during the week, always Mondays, Wednesdays, or Fridays, and I never have to see XWW (one of us drops the kids off in the am, the other one picks up in the pm).

2) It's great for consistency, least disruptive way to go for the kids I think, and it allows me to plan things on specific, consistent days.

3) Full 3-day weekend with kids every other week. Trips can be easily planned, etc.

What I don't like about it, sometimes, is that the 5-day stretch can be long. Both with the kids and without them. To mitigate the negatives when I *have* the kids for 5 days, I try my very best to make lots of plans and really have stuff to do with them -- especially out of the house. To mitigate things when I *don't have* them, I try my best to maybe have a quick Dad-date (or even an overnight) with one of them, or at least utilize Facetime.

***

3-4-4-3. I don't do this but a close friend does, sometimes I wish I did.

Pluses: same weekday consistency as 2-2-5-5, no 5-day stretch, guaranteed weekend day to yourself every week (either a Friday or a Sunday), less exchanges during the school week for kids (exchanges are always on Wednesdays, Saturdays, and Sundays).

Minuses: you have to have an exchange every weekend with your ex, you never get a full weekend alone or together without planning for it, and I think for most people there's a slight imbalance with one person *always* having the kids on a Friday and one person *always* having them on Sunday. There is also an imbalance with school drop-offs and pickups; one parent will always drop off three mornings a week, and the other will always pick up three afternoons a week.

***

If I had a better relationship with XWW, I'd probably try to do the 3-4-4-3 plan. But I don't, so 2-2-5-5 works, and it actually works really, really well, and actually as I just typed out the negatives for 3-4-4-3 above, I'm not sure I'm interested in trying it anymore. The planning for the 5-day stretch is really key for me, it's what keeps me sane.

We are going to do every other weekend and consistent weeknights- I get t/th. He does m/w it’s a lot of transition but DS will still come home to me after school and get picked up for sports and overnight. I work from home so I will Be where he goes after school every day- yay! I’ll only miss out on seeing him every other Saturday and Sunday. I just don’t know is WH will actually be able to deal with the school drop offs when he has him overnight. Max we have 3 nights away. I couldn’t do every other week. DS is also very used to being with me so we’ll see what happens. Wish us luck!

T/J

redfury wrote

Ours is strange. I have the kids Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday one week and Wednesday, Thursday on alternating weeks. It works. We each get school time and weekend time, and they are never gone for more than three days.

Sounds good! I might do that when we discuss custody, thanks!!

When we first separated, our son was 4.5 and in preschool.

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We went with a 3-2-2 schedule (which then alternates the following week).

Pros: no long stretches, which was good for our young son to adjust, full weekends with (or without) or son.

Cons: no weekday consistency... one week I have him M/T, next week I don't.

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At the beginning of this year, after his first semester in kindergarten, we switched over to the 5-5-2-2 schedule.

Pros: consistency during the week (good for work meetings, etc.), and good for our son (he knows which day he is picked up from school be which parent).

Cons: the five day stretch is long.

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xWW and I are pretty good at swapping days and switching things up as necessary, so it works out. He FaceTimes's most nights.

So we did one week on…one week off, with Friday at 6pm being the swap time. The kids were 12, 9 and 8 at the time of divorce.

There were no middle of the week dinners with other parent. The week I had them…it was my week fully. Which is not to say that if one of the kids wanted or needed to be at the other house for some reason accommodations weren’t made. They were.

Holidays were also standardized (something like Parent 1 has the kids on Christmas morning during odd numbered years, similar for Thanksgiving). Spring break was also alternating by odd/even numbered years. Each parent was “allowed” a week of their choosing for vacation.

It was the easiest plan to make work. I simply could not have done the 2-2-5-5; 3-4-4-3; 6-15-27-2…..what the fuck ever! I needed simple.

One week on, one week off did the trick. And the kids adjusted pretty well as it turned out.

May 25, 2017 --- my youngest graduated high school and it all came to an end!! 11 years of doing that seemed like a fucking lifetime to me.

And actually, as each one turned 18 (or graduated HS which ever occurred last) the custody agreement ceased to be in force for them – they were free to stay at whichever household they chose when home from college or for the holidays. Typically, they stayed where their siblings were. And now that they are all in college….they will ask “…so what WOULD the schedule be”, because they are not yet comfortable making those decisions on their own and for themselves. But they are getting better. When they ask me what the “plans” are for, say Christmas, I say: "Up to you guys" (and I am totally accepting of whatever they choose to do).

I have every Mon/Tue - he has every Wed/Thu and we alternate Fri-Sun. Week On Week Off for Christmas Holidays only. We alternate up to Christmas Morning and Christmas Lunch onwards every year. We do swaps from time to time as needed. I’m always flexible as he needs flex a lot more than I do.

This works because we have set days so the girls

know what to expect. We can each easily plan things in advance.

The other great thing is ALL handovers are done via school drop off/pickup. I drop them off to school Wed mornings and he picks them up that arvos. When it’s his weekend he drops them off Mon mornings and I pick them up Monday arvos. In person handovers are rare.

I personally couldn’t not see them for a whole week - I believe constant contact is important for their wellbeing at this age so week off doesn’t work. Christmas holidays are hard being without them but it is lovely having full weeks together during their break. They are only 10 and 7 so the schedule may change in future but only if it’s something that they want and it suits them.

For awhile XH wanted week on and week off, but I wasn't comfortable with the idea. Plus, I can't count on him to take the kids to something I signed them up for. Therefore, our schedule is a little crazy. It doesn't help that XH and his wife aren't able to pick up or drop off the kids at school due to their work schedules. So the kids catch the bus at my house every morning and are dropped off here every day Mon-Friday.

I have them on Tuesday/Thursday/Sunday.

XH has them on Monday/Wednesday.

We alternate Friday/Saturday.

We added Mondays to XH's schedule to accommodate for DS11 who was struggling with not seeing his dad for a period of time when it was my weekend. He has expressed his appreciation for the current schedule. DS10 goes with the flow and doesn't have a preference with the schedule.

and I never have to see XWW

This alone is worth the 2-2-5-5 for me!

Although I see her for a few minutes (3-5 tops) When I drop off DS at CCD (I’m not Catholic XWW is) But 2 times a month is not too bad. We rarely talk. No hellos or good byes. Just kid related stuff. And thats it. Its not awkward but everytime I see her I just keep thinking “Gotta go gotta go gotta go”. Zero times would be better but unfortunately all of us have to deal with our WS if we have kids. Just part of the shit sandwich we were served. But loke everything else that isn’t fair......It is what it is.

My daughter is 8 and we've done the 2-2-5-5 for the past year and a half. She is with me every M-Tues and her mom every W-Th and then we alternate weekends. It's worked well for us since the longest we are apart is 5 days. I thought about the week on and off with Dinner on Wednesday Night too, but we decided to try the 2-2-5-5 plan and it seemed to work well for everyone so we kept it. The only downside is they switch houses more often during the 2 day resets, but we just pick her up after school so it's not really much of an interruption as you may think.

Also, keep in mind, what plan you choose is also dependent on your child's age. If they are toddlers then the 2-2-3 seems to be recommended so they aren't away from either parent long. If they are school age and pre teen the 2-2-5-5 plan gets a lot of support. If they are teenagers the weekly plan usually makes sense, and they probably will spend most of the time with their friends anyways.

[This message edited by Randy1133 at 11:21 PM, March 5th (Monday)]