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I’ve been divorced two years. The first year we did 2-5-5-2, sort of. I always had them M/T, he always had W/Th and we switched weekends. Except I always got them back on Sunday on his weekend.

Last summer we switched to week on/week off. We trade on Friday, so they start the day with one parent and get picked up by the other. It was HARD at first, but we got the kids tablets and they can message us both as Incan FaceTime them. It helps.

We are flexible as needed for special events and family stuff. We are also flexible on school breaks and holidays.

My kids were 6 and 8 when we split, 8 and 10 now.

We agreed to a 2-2-5-5 schedule. We just started it. I hadnt even had the second night of my first 5 nights and she's already demanding that we switch because she can't spend 5 nights away from the kids in a row. This is after I had let her take them out tonight (on my first weekend) to see a show she went and bought tickets for. She hasn't been away from them more than 24 hours yet and she wants to rip up our whole agreed schedule. I pointed out that she spent their whole lives to this point spending multiple nights away from them supposedly working but actually having an affair, so I know she can get through the time away from them juuuust fine. And it's not like she won't be seeing them on my days. She will be seeing them for a little while virtually every one of my days.

Anyway, our agreement wasn't formalized. She won't be able to deny that it was our agreement, because she's the one who laid it out in great detail in an email proposal, but should I worry about a court saying that 2-2-5-5 is too much time away at once? Our kids are 6 and 9. They just want some regularity. I want to have a schedule that gives me 50/50 and a full weekend with the kids on alternating weekends. I want to put my foot down and require the 2-2-5-5. Any reason that would be a bad move?

Any reason that would be a bad move?

First and foremost I would contact a lawyer. 2nd in my opinion and my own personal experience......It is best to get an OFFICIAL SIGNED custody schedule ASAP.

My XWW didn't want to work out anything until a year after separation. The schedule we had benefited her and her job. It was our married schedule when we all came back to the same house. That's not the case anymore. And sorry that's not my problem regarding your work hours. This is something she should have thought of when she screwed another dude behind my back.....she knew it would lead to D.

I originally proposed week on/off. She said NO. Her response to the proposal was still not 50/50 but it was too many transitions for the kids. It was a weird and confusing schedule. Again, it benefited her for her job. My lawyer suggested the 2-2-5-5 and if she doesn't agree to it we fight for full custody. And at that point I was fine with b/c she was not taking this seriously and was not putting the kids #1.

She agreed to the 2-2-5-5 but has complained a few times about it. My response is usually crickets or "I'm sorry you feel that way but, this is what was agreed to from both of us"

I see now why she didn't want to sign an official schedule b/c she wanted to keep it "Loosey Goosey" so we could swap days and switch times. Now that our custody schedule is official, she still asks to switch weekends when she forfeits her time and I just say NO. I used to give her reasons (kids need consistency, it will all even out etc) but now I just say NO. Our custody schedule started in Dec. She has given up at least 1 of her weekends every month since then for various reasons (work, go out with friends, etc) I keep track of all the times I take the kids for XWW....just incase I want to fight for full custody one day. Our kids are young 7 and 3.

So again...try to get something official. It will protect YOU, HER and most importantly the KIDS. Without a consent order, there's not much you can do if there is nothing filed/signed. At least that's what my lawyer told me.

[This message edited by SuperDaddy1027 at 11:25 AM, March 11th (Sunday)]

^^What SuperDaddy1027 said. 100%. I cringe every single time I hear of someone having a ‘flexible’ arrangement with a cheating X.

Flexibility is awesome. I’m super flexible. We make changes all the time because it’s sensible. I still have Stamped Consent Orders (which is what’s they’re called in Australia) as a fall back when he wants to be difficult and/or just feels like yanking my chain for shits and giggles.

I insisted on Stamped Consent Orders after reading all of the horror stories here and on other forums. He pushed for a flexible arrangement we could work through but I insited as we could have flexibility but Stamped Orders meant we had an agreed starting position.

6 years out and it has been a god send. Not 100% enforceable and I did miss a few loopholes he has exploited but the bones were there.

He was way more willing to put the girls first in the early days and I was still able to reach him (plus the benefit of UnicornFartLand meant he wanted this stuff sorted to prove how wonderful a human he was and also because he wanted to focus on his whores).

All agreements were reciprocal so I didn’t propose anything I wouldn’t agree to in reverse. The other upside (in hindsight, it didn’t seem it at the time) was I surrendered to a whole bunch of stuff that was causing me anguish.

It’s hard to let go of being able to influence parenting decisions when parenting with a lower muppet (for the uninitiated this came from a very old thread and hilarious about B grade muppets/lower muppets - not even one of the high profile ones) but it was necessary for me to let go of what I could not change.

Basically if I couldn’t legally compel him to do something I just let it go. It was horrific in the early days but has ended up being a big factor in detaching from the drama and also in helping nurture a relative peace between us.

One of my past taglines about my M was “I was in a handshake agreement with a man without honour”.

Never again. No handshake agreements. Stamped Consent Orders and any changes agreed in detail in writing.

detaching from the drama

If nothing else....this was the key for me. Cutting the drama and the BS out of my life. There is still some that XWW tries to use to “bully and manipulate”....and the old me would fire back with a response. Not anymore. Thats the beauty of text messages....I just stop the conversation when she pisses me off. Kinda like walking away.

I’m all about being flexible as long as the kids are thought of first. And there needs to be an OFFICIAL basic set of rules to work from (Consent Order). Otherwise (in my experience) my XWW was using it to her advantage since we didn’t have anything official. Manipulation 101. It felt good to stand up for myself and my kids.

It's a choice between frequent contact vs. transition times.

Even though my kids are fairly young (6 and 3), we currently do week on/week off. We started with a complicated schedule that gave them to me every weekend, plus an afternoon/evening in the middle of the week, but it was too much back and forth for my kids. They struggled with all the transitions. We dropped the mid-week visit and extended the weekend, and they did better. Then we went to week on/week off, and they do much better (better sleep, less time spent getting used to the other house, etc.). I like the week on/week off schedule. We switch on Fridays at 11:30, which works well because they have time to go through the transition well before bedtime. We try not to schedule any extra-curricular activities for Friday evenings, as the kids just want to reclaim their space at home.

We also skype every evening, which helps with the week-long absences.