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Cattlefarmer (original poster member #55677) posted at 8:00 PM on Wednesday, March 7th, 2018
On Tuesday, I caught the train down to the city to attend our divorce hearing.
It's done. I am no longer married.
There is no sadness, in fact there is nothing but acceptance and relief. Relief to be out of limbo.
I had thought I may have written the ex wife a letter or text to express some sadness. But I didn't and I don't care.
I am actually having trouble writing this.
Not because I'm emotional in anyway, but because of the lack of emotion.
I did feel I needed to let you all know.
Your support, understanding and insight has been invaluable.
Thank you all so much.
Me. BS 1969
Her.WS 1978
22 years together
17 married
3 children
Dday April 2016
Separated September 2016
A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.
People ask why is it so hard to trust?
I ask why is it so hard to keep a promise?
imagoodwitch ( member #23375) posted at 8:06 PM on Wednesday, March 7th, 2018
Are you even the slightest bit happy/excited/relieved?
Ordinary average everyday sane psycho super goddess
justbreathe74 ( member #53605) posted at 8:12 PM on Wednesday, March 7th, 2018
Hi Cattle Farmer,
I posted a similar comment a few weeks back. Was a bit surprised at my reaction of non-reaction. I was kind of waiting for some emotions to creep up, as it has been a long roller coaster, but you know its been a few weeks.. and nothing has really changed.
Not sad, but it wasn't a joyful occasion either so I guess what that feeling of non-feelings is just acceptance?
Regardless - Congratulations on making it through to the other side.
Me BS
DD 20, DS 25
1st dday online EA October 2000
2nd dday PA Jan 5 2001 resulted in separation. R sept 2001married sept 2003
3rd dday June 8 2016 EA possible PA
separated jan 2017
Divorce filed February 2018
Divorced as of May 2018
Phoenix1 ( member #38928) posted at 8:24 PM on Wednesday, March 7th, 2018
Congrats, in a bittersweet way.
I found my own final day to be somewhat anticlimactic. Wasn't happy, wasn't sad. It was just another day.
However, in my state there is a 30 day appeal window, and I had some very real concerns he might try to appeal the settlement (it is something he would do). When that appeal window closed, THEN I found tremendous relief, like a boulder had been lifted off my shoulders. I was just incredibly glad it was finally, legally, over and I could move forward without looking back or worrying about him trying to meddle in my affairs in some way (at least from a legal standpoint).
Onward and upward, Cattlefarmer!
fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!
You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~
MadOldBat ( member #44146) posted at 9:04 PM on Wednesday, March 7th, 2018
Just SI-hugs then (((Cattlefarmer))),
from me to you.
Thanks for letting us know.
MOB
Keeping my chin(s) up whilst getting divorced.
Catch44 ( member #49899) posted at 10:28 PM on Wednesday, March 7th, 2018
Thanks for the view a little further down the line. It looks like the sun starts to shine.
Relief to be out of limbo.
Me: BH
3 kids. M 17year. 4 PA's. 4 Ddays
Progressing toward divorce.
"Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it."
Gooblish ( member #47920) posted at 12:11 AM on Thursday, March 8th, 2018
I entireley get this. Finding out the divorce was final meant nothing. Finding out the same day the divorce became final that he was still in-touch with OW hurt like hell. It vindicated my decision to dump the bastard but it still hurt.
If we can just get the house dsold we can break the tie I may feel them that it is truly over . Until then I am divorced but still in Limbo.
D Day #2 31st March 2015
D Day #1 February 2009
2 years on I want out
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 12:16 AM on Thursday, March 8th, 2018
Such a long hard road, Cattlefarmer. I hope you sleep well and are able to feel a spring in your step in the next weeks.
(Hugs)
-BB
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
ohforanewme ( member #59230) posted at 6:01 AM on Thursday, March 8th, 2018
Hi Cattlefarmer
Welcome to the other shore. Glad you made it.
We all seem to feel different emotions when we get to this point but what I have noticed is, regardless of the mix of emotions, relief always seems to be one of them. It is a good one.
If you ever get to wanting to through a Freedom Day celebration, I can recommend my DD and MMS as event coordinators. They do a rather good one.
SD, that invitation goes for you as well. 
squid ( member #57624) posted at 2:33 PM on Thursday, March 8th, 2018
Congrats, Cattlefarmer. I hope to be joining you soon.
BH
D-Day 2.19.17
Divorced 12.10.18
This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.
Nycountrystrong ( member #53531) posted at 4:48 PM on Thursday, March 8th, 2018
Congratulations on finally being out of limbo. I know its a long hard road. I hope to join you soon on the other side too. Paperwork was submitted 3 months ago and still I wait. Good luck on the road moving forward, now that you no longer have to look back and wait.
The more people I meet the more I like my dogs !
steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 8:19 PM on Thursday, March 8th, 2018
Thanks for the update, Cattlefarmer. Not an outcome you thought about before adultery, I'm sure. It seems to me the lack of emotion probably says you were past ready, although relief might be an emotion, which would say the same thing.
Onward and upward. You're a single man now. I hope you can find true love from a genuine woman.
BH(me)72(now); XWW 64; M 42 yrsDDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW 4 years; "dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, liesSeparated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020
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