SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Long Story somewhat short...

May - SBTXWW announces she is unhappy and wants to separate but work on M. She is not separating to be with anyone else.

- I snoop and find she is planning on getting birth control so she does not accidentally get pregnant. She is pissed I find this out.

June - STBXWW makes online dating profiles - says she is just curious and will not act on them, still plans to work on M - She is pissed I found out

July - STBXWW admits to adulery. I start the D.

August - STBXWW admits to sleeping with 6 random men - Says she needed to destroy me, but wants to remain friends - She is already in a relationship

September - STBXWW stops relationship and agrees to give R some thought - I decide against R as I will never trust her again (This kills the remaining part of me that wants her)

October - STBXWW is in another relationship and pissed I am not allowing our children to meet him - Things end badly with this guys she was so sure about - Divorce will be final on Oct 24th one day after our 14th wedding anniversary

During all of this she has shown pride in her actions, not remorse - Lies abound

I am uncovering 15-16 years of lies with the help of IC and friends that have been around us for years - The rabbit hole is deep and dark

So, to the in-laws...

My MIL has asked when she can have the children for a weekend. They live 6 hours away so this is an undertaking to get them there and back. STBXWW has burned all bridges with her family other than her brother (BIL is... not allowed around the children...) so I am still the contact.

BIL is a possible pediophile, in rehab for alcoholism and lives on his parents land (in a cabin a short distance away from the In-Law's house). I found out last time I was around the in-laws that my children are pretty close with him despite my making it clear years ago they are not to have any contact with him. They tell me they do not allow him to be alone with them.

With everything going on I let it slide to focus on other issues.

BIL is a pathological liar, STBXWW is a pathological liar, and the In-Laws are really really big on not allowing anyone to know their secrets (even spouses...).

I do not wish to burn this bridge as I believe the children should have their grandparents in their lives, but I have had enough with lies, secrets, "respecting" the WW and BIL because "they have made some bad choices but that doesn't mean they are bad people".

I know what I want to do, but I am hesitant... so I am asking for thoughts and what other's may or have done.

Thank you.

I'd go no contact with the STBX in laws for you and the children. If they don't respect your boundaries about their son not being around your children (and you know they do not) then you can't trust them to keep any of your other boundaries either.

I do not let my kids spend time with toxic people who do not respect my boundaries as their mother. Full stop.

Burn the bridge.

They allowed the children to be around a known pedophile, despite knowing it was against the parent's wishes.

Fuck the "they were never alone with him" bullshit.

First, they've proven you can't trust them.

Second, their idea of alone, and yours may be completely different. Maybe they mean they were home during these visits,but not always in the same room.

Third, my grandfather was a pedophile. He molested me in front of everyone several times. No one noticed because he was very good at being sneaky.

Burn. That. Bridge.

Burn the bridge.

Protecting your children is of #1 importance.

Don't be sorry here man.

I'd get an attorney on this.

Sorry, but molesting children does make someone a bad person.

Anyone who says otherwise should not have access to your kids. Their decision making skills are flawed.

Your STBX ILs burned the bridge by lying to you and putting your children at risk. If they want to see the children, they can travel to you and stay in your town. Or choose not to. You are the only responsible parent that your children have, so you're going to have to make the necessary choices to keep them safe.

I second everyone else.

You are the only safe person around your children.

Burn the bridge.

Three words for you, brother:

Fuck. That. Bridge.

I would strap every good memory & photo I had of them to that bridge...

Then set that Motherfucker on fire.

To add to Golden R...

FUCK.THAT.BRIDGE...AND FUCK THEM

I'm all about burning those toxic bridges, having been through similar.

However, I will say that I started with your same mindset.

So I didn't let overnights happen. Not for a very long time. I sucked it up and went with my kid. It helped that my ex lived far away. But then, they broke my daughter's trust so bye bye bridge.

If you are unwilling to burn the bridge, I'd suggest saying something along the lines of the turmoil of divorce and your kids needing stability with you right now and you can revisit the issue at a later date when the dust has settled.

I say burn the bridge as well, but if you wanted a safe middle ground tell them they can come to the kids, but the kids aren't going near a pedophile.

Do you have 50/50 custody? What will you do if your wife takes your kids around her brother?

Burn the bridge. I understand what you're saying about wanting the grandparents in their lives (I put up with my nightmare inlaws for that reason) but the paedophile connection would be enough to end that for me.

They are your WW's parents. I would tell them that any contact has to be arranged through WW and taken in HER time not yours.

"But I am hesitant"????!

As your children's father you are responsible for protecting them from harm (and that includes family).

Would you let your kids around another pedophile? The answer should be NO so why in the world would you be "hesitant" to let them around one just because they're family or someone you know.

As for your MIL. If she wants to see your kids she can make the 6 hr trip to come see them (without her pedophile son) at your home. If you don't want her to stay at your home then tell her she will have to get a hotel if she intends to stay for the weekend. If a 12 hr trip is too much then she can talk to the kids on the phone or FaceTime with them.

This way you know where your kids are and more importantly who they are with.

You NEED to set FIRM boundaries when it come to your kids and NEVER hesitate keeping them!!!

If they want to see the children, they can travel to you and stay in your town. Or choose not to. You are the only responsible parent that your children have, so you're going to have to make the necessary choices to keep them safe.

Would you let your kids around another pedophile? The answer should be NO so why in the world would you be "hesitant" to let them around one just because they're family or someone you know.

As for your MIL. If she wants to see your kids she can make the 6 hr trip to come see them (without her pedophile son) at your home. If you don't want her to stay at your home then tell her she will have to get a hotel if she intends to stay for the weekend. If a 12 hr trip is too much then she can talk to the kids on the phone or FaceTime with them.

You NEED to set FIRM boundaries when it come to your kids and NEVER hesitate keeping them!!!

All of this - especially the last quote I posted from Booyah. Look, AlphaSilvr, you're the only stable person in your kids' lives; they need to see that you are protecting them from all danger, whether it's traffic, strangers, or sadly, demented family members.

I would also speak with an attorney and have something in place should they try to fight you on this.

And may I add that I am so very sorry for what your STBXWW has done to you and your family, but she is clearly very, very sick and in time, you will heal and will find happiness. In the meantime, love on those kidlets and protect them with all you have.

Lala

Set the bridge on fire. Roast marshmallows over the flames. These people are sick and not to be trusted with your children. And I’d have no issues explaining why I let an inferno loose on the relationship. You are not in the wrong here.

If they want to see them, then you make it something you can live with. Like you meet them halfway for a weekend visit someplace fun or they come to you.

It is one thing if a child is subject to someone questionable and the parent doesn't know. It is entirely different to send your children there knowing what you know.

I get it, I really do. My gram lived in the property next to me with her husband. His son (with a 'questionable' past with children) came to live with them. I had to cut off the relationship with them. Not a risk I was willing to take with my children. My gram has since passed but her H and the son still lives there. We don't even wave, let alone speak.

I think you will have a different issue at some point. I expect your stbxww to want to take a trip with the kids herself there? Could that be purposed? Would your ex do that?

Look beyond this recent request down the road and set your precedent with this family now so you can have a consistent rule regarding them.

Yep, unless they are willing to visit them at your house, nope.

Your primary job in this world is to protect your children. Never let them near this guy, and if the in-laws don't understand it, burn the bridge.

Your STBX ILs burned the bridge by lying to you and putting your children at risk. If they want to see the children, they can travel to you and stay in your town

^^^^^ this

Burn the bridge... torch it, then bull doze it. Don't look back, or try to rebuild it.

Not all blood is worth keeping around. This sounds like a toxic and potentially very dangerous situation for your kids. Cut the ties, before something terrible happens. (In reference to the bil)

Personally we cut the ties to My biological family over a year ago. We have 4 kids, and the kids have been Much happier this year, without that negativity in their life. (Completely different story than yours.) They have my bh's parents who they adore, and don't even ask about my bio family. They are 13-22 in age now, so it might be different with littles. It was the best choice I could have made for us and the kids.

Seriously, their safety needs to come first, and as they get older, they will understand that you made a good choice and thank you for it.

You're getting good advice so I'll add to the chorus: burn that bridge. These are useless people who have endangered your children, and there is no reason to permit them to have any role in their lives.