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It’s been 7 months since I found out my husband went to two Asian massage parlors when I went home for four days and two nights. He picked me up from the airport and I knew something was wrong. He was acting strange then I got home and he laid out my pjs on the bed and couldn’t wait to lay me down. We had sex,I knew then something was definitely not right. He was so into it and he was all over me-like “I’m sorry sex”. He then went to shower and I was placing a gag gift on his phone. I looked in his phone then to see everything wiped off-no messages,no history nothing. I looked at his maps and hey we’re filled with known sex massage parlors. My heart sunk and I asked him if he went to get a massage while I was gone...(a man that refuses to get massages after six years of marriage because he hates people rubbing on him). He said he thought about but didn’t go then asked why. I showed him his phone and told him to tell me the truth. He panicked and then said he didn’t know those were “those” types of places. I told him to stop lying. We argued. He swore on our 11 month old daughters life he wasn’t lying and he didn’t go. I knew he was lying. I left the house and told him if I see open signs I will send him pics. I thought he’d fess up. He continued to lie the whole night. The next day I continued to press for the truth. He went to work and I texted him that I was at the massage parlor and about to go in (with our daughter). He called me freaking out saying “omg don’t take her there!”.

I said “why? You said it was all legit places?!” That’s when I said I’m going home and packing up. I got home in about 5 minutes and he was already there-he left work. I refused to get out of the car because I felt like I could kill him. He finally admitted after pleading for me not to leave him. He said he went to one place and they didn’t do anything so then he went to another rightvafterwards to try again. He said he didn’t get anything but a massage at either place. He spend about $200.

His reasoning- he was upset that I tried to leave him the year prior and he was still hurt about it. He wanted to feel like we were even...so he wouldn’t be hurt anymore. He attempted this the day after he spent the night at his friends house who has a Filipino wife,they met at a bar in Korea while he was stationed there. She worked there as a “juicy girl” though they won’t outright say that. He said he watched massage parlor porn when he got home and got the idea from there.

I don’t trust that “ nothing” happened. I’m struggling working through this! He left 2 months after this happened for a one year unaccompanied tour in South Korea. I have visited and there are prostitues in all the bars and clubs right outside the base. I told him I don’t want him going there and he agreed he won’t/

I don’t know if he would tell me the truth. I feel extremely tired of worrying and thinking about him. I’m so tired of raising a 1 year old by myself. I’m tired of all of this.

Just so sorry you are dealing with this crap!!!!!!

I know how frustrating it is when they lie and lie and refuse to budge- leaving you feeling like you are half in the dark about their behavior...so you don’t even know the facts of the situation in order to make a decision

It is so incredibly insulting and disrespectful when you know they are lying to your face. It makes an unbearable situation even worse.

What I cannot, for the life of me understand is that these men would take a loving wife, the mother of their child, who wants to work along side them, care for them when they’re old and sick, spend the rest of their days in love......and so quickly throw that all in the trash for WHAT!? Some fucking whore to give them a handjob!?!? Un-fucking-believable!!!!!!!

I want to know how he would feel if your daughter was married and her husband was doing that !?!!

I’m impressed with your strength to confront and demand the truth from him and hold him accountable. Keep it up and stay strong!!!!

Just so sorry you are dealing with this crap!!!!!!

I know how frustrating it is when they lie and lie and refuse to budge- leaving you feeling like you are half in the dark about their behavior...so you don’t even know the facts of the situation in order to make a decision

It is so incredibly insulting and disrespectful when you know they are lying to your face. It makes an unbearable situation even worse.

What I cannot, for the life of me understand is that these men would take a loving wife, the mother of their child, who wants to work along side them, care for them when they’re old and sick, spend the rest of their days in love......and so quickly throw that all in the trash for WHAT!? Some fucking whore to give them a handjob!?!? Un-fucking-believable!!!!!!!

I want to know how he would feel if your daughter was married and her husband was doing that !?!!

I’m impressed with your strength to confront and demand the truth from him and hold him accountable. Keep it up and stay strong!!!!

He swore on our 11 month old daughters life he wasn’t lying

... :(

How old is your H? He sounds pretty young. Remember, our brains don't fully mature until our mid-20s (average).

Whatever the reason for cheating is, you have to and get to make your own decisions. I think you're right to have concerns about this year. (I wouldn't trust myself for a 12 month unaccompanied tour.) But what are you thinking about doing?

I just turned 27 and he will be 29 in January. We’ve been married since I was 20. There’s alot more to this situation. He’s in the military and he’s had to leave several times but it hasn’t been like this before..having a child makes it so much harder. We’ve been through marriage counseling. I cheated on several times,I believe because I was trying to find comfort else where when he was physically and emotionally abusive. I told his boss and they said they’d make him go to counseling (I though he had ptsd) he went twice then quit going. Three of the bosses I told swept it under the rug unless we went to a social function and they’d throw us a nod and a wink followed by “y’all good??”.

I left the state to see friends. While there I rekindled a high school relationship..I stayed at his house(no sex). I called him and told him I wanted s divorce. For the first time ever..I felt happy! I felt free. I came back home though and he cried to me begging that I don’t leave,begging I go to counseling with him to work it out..even calling my parents to ask for help because he was scared he was going to lose me. Pretty funny now actually.

During that time in counseling,I got pregnant. We were happy and scared...to be expected. We still had problems though. He was no longer physically abusive. After I reported him to his boss,it’s never happened again. He was working on being more cognizant of what and how he says things. It was getting better-actually it felt great!

I had to attend a weekend lab for school,which required me to travel out of state. That’s when all that happened l..the month before our daughters one year birthday. At first he blamed me for “making him think about it” bc I voiced my fears of him cheating while in Korea.

At this point I feel like I’m exhausted. I want this to work badly but we’ve both grown so much...I’m realizing there’s things I want in a partner that he doesn’t have. He really doesn’t voice much so I have to ask everything which again..is exhausting. Idk what to do. I think about cheating on him too..finding someone better.

It sounds like your marriage has been going through a lot of struggles for a long time and I am so very sorry for this. I have been in a similar marriage and I understand how these things happen. I also understand what it's like to be married to a military man. I was a Marine wife for 15 years and I fully understand the strains this lifestyle places on marriages and families.

To be quite honest, the last thing either of you need is someone "better". You and your husband have a lot of healing to do before you should ever consider whether the grass is greener on the other side and call it quits. Trust me when I say this (from my own experience), you will repeat the same destructive patterns with someone else when things get rough (and they always do) if you do not take the time to dig deep into your hurts, learn and grown from them. I hope and pray you both make the decision to seek healing individually and for your marriage. I'm thinking about your daughter, too. She will benefit greatly from this. She will suffer if you continue sweeping it under the rug...you all will.