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Some nights, I stay up cashing in my bad luck

Some nights, I call it a draw

Some nights, I wish that my lips could build a castle

Some nights, I wish they'd just fall off

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost

Oh, Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh

What do I stand for?

What do I stand for?

Most nights, I don't know anymore

Time for wheel of torture

While moderate amounts of alcohol may cause blood sugar to rise, excess alcohol can actually decrease your blood sugar level -- sometimes causing it to drop into dangerous levels, especially for people with type 1 diabetes. Beer and sweet wine contain carbohydrates and may raise blood sugar.

Diabetes and Alcohol | Effects of Alcohol on Diabetes - WebMD

WebMD › diabetes › guide › drinking-alcohol

Hey lost.. what’s going on over there? You having a rough night?

Hey no i burned my bridge in wayward side. I want to still feel connected. So i am just coping the way i cope. Getting ready for work. Thank you for checking on me

My secret side I keep hid under lock and key

I keep it caged but I can't control it

'Cause if I let him out he'll tear me up, break me down

Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster

Here is a favorite of mine from les brown the motivational speeker

If you want a thing bad enough go out and fight for it

Work day and night for it

And if all that you scheme and dream is about. And life is useless and worthless without it.

And gladly sweat for it, prep for it, and plan for it and lose all your terror of the opposition for it.

So go after that thing that you want with all your capacity, strength, hope ,confidence and stern for tenacity

When neither cold poverty or rain sickness or gulf. Or body or brain should keep you away from the thing that you want.

If dog grimmed besieged you beset it

WITH THE HELP OF GOD YOU'LL GET IT

GO FOR IT

You sure you’re ok?

Lostallalone, what are you working towards in your relationship?

What is the desired outcome?

After you answer that, please ask yourself .....

are my actions of today going to get me to where I want to be tomorrow?

If the answer is no, I suggest you change your game and work on a new plan that will help you achieve the goals you have for the future.

I know you are hurting, but slow down on the booze and works towards a better future.

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Keep your head up and be strong.

I am very ok. I am at work(break time) I vent thru song lyrics and anecdotes. I really appreciate the concern.

Destroyed. Thank you so much for this input presented in a loving way. I can take constructive criticism. I really can. But when i see snarky mean undertones it sets off my defenses. I will put deep thought to your query. Like i have said before I have nc with anyone else bisides my wife and here. I was wanting to know how to communicate with her more. What I need is for her to take the love language test. Because ive tried everything. I have cleaned the house before she gets home. I have showered with gifts and flowers. So I moved on to public displays of affection. I'm getting nowhere. We are very comfortable right now. Every thread on here says that leads to disaster. I even told her face to face i dont want to take each other for granted. Because of my diabetes I have concentrated on getting back into shape. I have lost 170lbs. Now women are publicly paying attention to me. She gets upset about it saying she will lose me soon. Im trying to demonstrate I love her more today then yesterday. I came here for advice. Two black eyes and a broken nose later and I lashed out. So i just dont know who to talk to. She wont go to counciling. She feels ganged up on. Im really trying. Help me plz

Im here for you Bro. This shit isnt easy for anyone.

Congrats on the weight loss. That is a huge accomplishment! Keep working on healthy goals to make yourself feel better and it will improve every relationship you have.

I think its a great idea to do the love language test with your wife.

My idea was for both of us to make a list of 10 things we thought we could do to improve our relationship. Then we compared them. Surprisingly, our lists were very similar.

Just take things one day at a time.

Thnkx so much. Where do i start?

Lost

I could have missed it but it sounds like the only one putting any effort into the relationship is you. Has she ever vocalized why she won’t reciprocate the affection/attention you desire? It takes 2 to make a relationship and she needs to meet you half way. Why is she so reluctant or unwilling to do so?

FF. When i was in IC my therapist thought maybe she has shut down that view of me for so long it is hard to turn it back on. So we went together and she got all mad at me for dragging her there to "ambush" her. So we juat2 plug along. I'm really trying to get her opened up again

Lost

If I’ve learned anything in my life, anyone can change ANY behavioral thing about themselves if they really want to. I’ll use smoking as an example. I smoked for over 20 years, had tried to quit many times but always failed. I paid a lot of lip service to the “yeah smoking is bad for me” but still did it anyway. It took the death of a close family member (not related to smoking) and my own shitty health to decide to make some changes in my life. I threw the things away and haven’t smoked in over 15 years.

Many people never break a bad habit because they really don’t want to. Not deep down. Why? Because it involved a lot of hard work, at least initially. Many people would rather just bitch about it and continue on. Maybe that’s the case with your wife.

She would have to admit she has a problem and then she would have to do the work to change. It’s easier for her to vilify you than to own her role in the dysfunction of your marriage.

The thing you need to come to terms with is you cannot get her there. No amount of love, gifts, talks, MC, IC etc is gonna do a damn bit of good until she wants to. Until she does, you’re just going to be spinning your wheels in misery.

This might be the most perfect description of my marriage as Ive seen. You really have my mind rolling. My gosh thanks FF

I, I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster

Lost,

Those lines really concern me. Did you reveal that part of you to your IC? Because I think you need to reveal your hidden side to a good IC so that you can resolve the pain.

I would bet that part of your hidden side is just your 'wants' - the things you want out of life. You're entitled to want what you want. You won't get all of it, but if you acknowledge your wants, you'll get some of them.

Unfortunately, what you say indicates you're not going to get your W back ... but if you valued yourself, I think you might not want her back.

It looks like we - who don't know you - value you a lot more than you value yourself. I am convinced that you're loving, lovable, and capable. I think you see yourself as unloving and perhaps incapable.

You really need to change that. You don't need your W to take the LL test. You need to love and value yourself. You deserve to love and value yourself - because you're loving, lovable, and capable.

BTW, I urge you to stop your 'pick me' dance and use the extra energy on making the change from self-hate to self-love.

Sisoon this is really profound. These past months I have been trying to live life to the fullest and not allow my depresion to get the better ofme. Last summer when my first toe was amputated was the lowest point for me. I was getting older. My body starting to fail. My marriage lackluster. I attempted suicide twice. My doesnt even know about 2nd time when I took a whole bottle of antidepressents drant as muchvodka as i could. I expected to fall asleep and not wake up. Well I woke up. Hung over but alive. Thats when I figured that I'm not gonna sit around feeling sorry formyself. By Dec 21st I had my second toe removed. My attitude wad so much better. I refused to take my frustrating out on hospital staff or my wife even. Its about this time recovered. I started buying new clothes. My new and improved body starting to show thru. Women in public started talking to me. So while As I am prgressing on self reflection and improvement, my wife is not. So these couple months since I've been reaching out to her but she isnt as motivated I guess. Thanks for the food for thought.

All you guys are so much more giving and caring the what I went thru yesterday on the wayward side. The more I tried to explain things the more they attacked. I felt cornered and alone. I couldnt open up to them at all. Thank you so much

First, stop drinking alcohol!

Second, take a good, hard look at your marriage. I read your EA thread in Wayard. (Can't post there. I was blocked years ago.) Your wife is abusing you, and you are letting her. You need to stop trying to fix your marriage and start trying to fix yourself. No one deserves to be abused no matter what. Get back to IC. Too bad for your W if she doesn't like it. You need to take care of yourself.