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Healing35 (original poster new member #70861) posted at 2:16 AM on Thursday, July 4th, 2019
Ok so now that the cat is out the bag and I just found out a few days ago that my husband has a extra phone that I never knew about of course he denied it but didn’t know I had the proof which was receipt with his name and the number on it when he called and order some phone using that number so when presented with the receipt now he is walking around like a sad dog oh well u my question is why act sad now when the damage is done to me I don’t feel sorry for him and right now I’m giving him the silent treatment why go that length to cheat or whatever he was doing he was so ready to go get divorced papers before he knew I had proof now he won’t live what do I do I’m so angry that I want to hurt him really bad this stuff hurts what is going to happen now and why is he so quiet and observing now is he trying to figure me out what should I do to show him that this time I mean business and he is not getting away with this FYI I have no other place to go and financially we both need each other 2 kids and a bunch of bills how can I show him that he lost the best thing he ever had and that the grass isn’t always green on the other side
SI Staff ( Moderator #10) posted at 4:19 AM on Thursday, July 4th, 2019
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 12:10 PM on Thursday, July 4th, 2019
Read up on the 180 in the Healing Library (upper left corner).
Your H is sad he got caught. Not sad or remorseful that he’s a liar and cheater. Big difference.
This is your time to assert your power and control.
Stop. Being. His. Wife.
Get a financial plan together. That is it.
You stop being a family. No cooking or laundry for him. You lead your own life. You are cordial. But keep conversation to a minimum. Yes and No are complete answers.
He sleeps on the couch. Or the basement. But not with you.
If my children were home and we were eating dinner my H was welcome to join us. However if kids were not home I ate alone (as an example). I didn’t tell him I wasn’t doing his laundry - I just stopped doing it. Let him figure it out on his own.
See an attorney to find out the laws in your state regarding D and adultery. Get yourself a counselor or support team to help you. Get a financial plan in place whether you D or Reconcile. Get $ in your own name as an emergency fund just in case.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
cancuncrushed ( member #28156) posted at 2:36 PM on Thursday, July 4th, 2019
Don't over analyze this...
HE knew what he was doing...he chose what he was doing...he put it into action...the deceiving...
that phone didn't fall into his hand...he analyzed it, planned it, and drove to the store, paid for it....even tho he is married and has bills.....
They aren't stupid....they choose all of it...
Don't play games...the 180 is for you to start healing, giving yourself space, to maybe prepare for a separation...it is not meant to teach a lesson....this is so toxic, you need space and time. If it helps your cheating spouse to see your distance, then that's great...don't count on it..
He needs to see his choices. He needs to own it...and know it was so incredibly wrong..he needs to see he did all of this on purpose and was happy to do it...face it...deal with it...and be remorseful and work on it....that deer in the headlights is weak..hoping you get over it, is not reasonable.
[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 8:40 AM, July 4th (Thursday)]
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