Hey guys. In need of a little help/advice.
I trickle-truthed my BS for almost 2 years about my A. I got most of (what I believed to be) the "pertinent" facts out at the beginning of all of this (that we only kissed, the A was for attention, and that we had gone to lunch...all true). I know that in order for my BS to heal, I should've been honest and come clean when I was first asked and caught. I did end the A (did this in front of my BS) and haven't seen, or spoken to AP since. I told her the final bits of the truth (some extra time I had spent with AP that I had never told her about) around a month in a half or 2 months ago. I have been in therapy for almost 2 years, and have always been honest to my therapist. We have been through 2 MC's and are now on the 3rd. She really likes this one, so I'm hoping we can make some progress.
Basically what I'm looking for are ways I can prove to my BS that I've gotten the truth out. To show her that I have bared my soul to her. I told her that when we go to therapy (she has said she doesn't want me proving anything until we have a "good" therapist) we can all figure out what I could do to satisfy my BS. I already have some thing in mind like; turning in my phone for forensic testing, so she can see the deleted texts from my phone during the A. Also, taking a full-disclosure polygraph test and messaging AP. I know that in my BS eyes, I'm a liar and untrustworthy. I understand why she feels that way and she has every right to. I've proven myself to be a liar, a cheater, the source of her sadness, and of course, the person who caused her more pain than she ever thought possible. I've told her that I love her more than enough to let her go, if she can't be happy with me. I want to be with her more than anything, but I have to accept it if she doesn't feel the same way. Until I can prove the truth to her, everything else seems pointless.
This is much longer than I intended, so thanks to the people who have read through to the end. In short, just looking on some ideas on how to prove I'm being completely honest with her now. The trickling was about how many times I went to lunch with her, and that we actually kissed 3 times and not the 1 time I told her about. Also about some time she didn't know I spent with AP. I hid the "insignificant" details because I had already gotten the "big" things out of the way and didn't want to hurt her with anything that didn't "really" matter. I understand my errors and the poor decisions I've made in thinking that way. Now, I'm here, at the bottom, I've given her all there is to know and (no surprise) she doesn't believe me. Again, thanks for reading this, and extra thanks for any constructive feedback (good or bad).