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FREEFALLNOCHUTE (original poster member #21003) posted at 3:20 AM on Friday, October 30th, 2020
I dont really know where this topic belongs because I've been divorced going on 5 years now. But lately it seems that the ex has dug his way into my adult Childress minds and convinced them that I was the toxic one and brought all our marital problems out by myself. I was such a Bitch that he HAD to cheat on me I deserved to be hit and belittled. I was such a bitch that i deserved to be dragged around by my nose and threatened financially for the last four years. Well his child support ended and hes gone off to buy a brand new truck while my circumstances stayed the same. we had our first battle since it ended and I was able to say what had been on my mind since we separated. But now he has my kids convinced that it's all my doing. My firstborm wont talk to me and Im literally dying inside. They were there! Hell she even called 911 the night he was arrested for assaulting me! How now is everything changed. I dont do alone well and Ive been abandoned by the one person that i loved with all my heart and soul since the exact second she existed...WTF do i do now? 
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 8:25 AM on Friday, October 30th, 2020
I am so sorry for you.
This is heartbreaking to read.
A good counselor can help you sort this out.
Maybe send your daughter a message that you want a relationship with her that does not involve her being in the middle of you & XH. It’s not a topic for discussion and your relationship with the X has nothing to do with her.
You encourage her to have a relationship with her father. But it’s separate and apart from her relationship w/ you.
Invite her out to do a fun afternoon thing. Two hours. No more. Get coffee. Go to an outdoor location and walk around. Go window shopping. Keep it light.
Maybe she can see it as a fresh start. Prayers to you.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
messyleslie ( member #58177) posted at 4:28 PM on Saturday, October 31st, 2020
He sounds like he is the same. And sadly in time he will reveal who he really is to your kids and their eyes will be open and all you can do is love them, not be mad that they trusted the same man who you once trusted too, and be there for them and remind them that you know how it feels to be hurt by him. Don’t take it personally - just remind them that you love them, that what happened in your marriage had nothing to do with them and you just want to be there mom.
I’m sorry.
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 8:39 PM on Saturday, October 31st, 2020
I can see my STBX starting to do this so will be following this post. I'm so sorry this is my worst fear, but I agree just keep these things light and do things with the kids that builds just your relationship with them and don't talk about their dad at all, make him non existent. At least that's what I'm trying at the moment. My oldest I hope is starting to see through his bullshit, but they tend to feel sorry for him because of the victim role he constantly plays.
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
Westway ( member #71747) posted at 10:56 PM on Tuesday, November 3rd, 2020
Wow that's tough. I don't know what to tell you. Get into counseling quick.
Send your daughter a message telling her that you love her and will always be there for her. Other than that, chasing her will just result in her hating you more. She will get over it at some point and realize she's being an idiot. Have faith. Pray.
Me: 52;
XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater
Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.
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