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J707 (original poster member #63778) posted at 7:02 PM on Sunday, November 8th, 2020
I've recently let go or cut out a close friend of mine in my life. While she was there for me during all the shenanigans, shes changed, as have I. Over the last few months I've been feeling like I have to defend myself or she will twist things around and play victim. Just over stupid things. I don't have time for games and bullshit these days. My guts screaming at me to cut ties, so I am. Follow that gut.
After my DD13s attempted suicide, I've been 100 percent focused on myself and my kids, therapy and appointments. Ex and I are on excellent terms with the common goal of our kids, therapy and appointments. Maybe I'm at the point of "I ain't got time for this crap" or "get off my lawn". I've cut out friends before, have gained new ones too. But one thing I know is that people will only understand to the level of their comprehension. Or they'll only comprehend to the level of their understanding. Either way, it sucks to lose a friend but this I must do. Many friends have come and gone, I'll add her to the list.
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 8:42 PM on Sunday, November 8th, 2020
It sucks, but sometimes people really only do belong in our lives for a period.
Glad you are listening to your gut and putting you and your family first.
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 1:37 PM on Monday, November 9th, 2020
Did you try speaking with her about this before making the decision to cut ties? Perhaps there's something going on in her life now that is causing this behavior? If she was there for you previously, I would think it would be worth a try.
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 7:15 PM on Monday, November 9th, 2020
I just went through this myself with my best friend of 30 years. She became someone I didn't recognize and when I tried to bring it up to her she got really nasty with me and some of it was criticizing my daughter and that was a no no for me. I let her go. It hurt and still hurts but I cannot tolerate my best friend reacting to my pain the way she did.
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 7:37 PM on Monday, November 9th, 2020
Did you try speaking with her about this before making the decision to cut ties?
I am not saying *never* to do this... but I have learned through a lot of hard experience that I do not owe anyone anything when it comes to protecting my energy. Just my 0.02.
J707, I'm with you. It sucks to lose friends, but listening to your gut is the way to go IMHO.
"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger
"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park
J707 (original poster member #63778) posted at 10:52 PM on Monday, November 9th, 2020
Did you try speaking with her about this before making the decision to cut ties? Perhaps there's something going on in her life now that is causing this behavior?
I was there for her as well during everything she went through or has gone through. Especially this last year. I've always been an open ear and have giving her my wisdom and guidance and encouraging words. I know what shes going through right now. She doesn't want to hear any of it. Just nasty, twisted, blameshifting comments back in my direction. She likes to tell it like it is but not like this. But I could feel the energy being sucked away from me. The anxiety. I can't do it now. She knows that but twists it her way. I'm not up for games and bullshit. She'll be ok. As will I.
WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 12:01 AM on Wednesday, November 11th, 2020
When my mother was in the process of dying (in hospice), and I was with her every other day - and it was HARD!!!
I got a mass text from a guy that was my best friend for YEARS. He started out working for me as a lifeguard. We worked on pools together in later years. Told each other EVERYTHING. We named our 3rd son after him (middle name). He was our first son’s Godfather.
Then, all of a sudden, I stopped hearing from him. Would get his kids Christmas gifts and call to see when they could stop by to exchange gifts for the kids...always too busy. I tried for years.
Anyway, the text was asking for my business at a fireworks stand during the 4th of July. In my exhaustion and grief re my mom, I just let into him - via text. How he hadn’t been there for me...etc.
He seemed shocked...”friends get closer together and farther apart”. Didn’t know how I felt. Apologized. It was just too much for me.
We haven’t spoken since.
I don’t miss the friendship because it had already fizzled out. I would have never dreamed it, though, if someone had told me it would happen.
Like something we all know about. 😢
[This message edited by WhatsRight at 6:08 PM, November 10th (Tuesday)]
"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt
I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy
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