I've been lurking for quite a while and just started posting replies to people from time-to-time, so I figured I would tell my stories.
My first marriage was in year 7 when XW invited me out to a work function of hers. To this point there were zero red-flags at all. That night I met the new guy at the office and my alarm bells went to 100. At the time there was no indication from XW that alarmed me, he was just one of those people that I instantly didn't like. I stated that on the drive home that I didn't like the guy at all and XW agreed. A few months later, there was an office night out and I got the call to pick her up due to being too intoxicated to drive. It was a normal time to call, so again, nothing stood out, until I got there and saw that it was just her and new guy remaining. On the way home I set the boundaries that they were not to be alone together since I didn't like the guy one bit. Fast forward to the next happy hour when it happened again. At that point I went off on her on the way home and in her drunken state she said she should have fucked him instead of just kissing if she knew how angry I would be.
I dropped her off at the next bus stop and told her that now she can since she was soon to be single.
The divorce went through 6 months later. And I haven't seen her since the day the court made it official.
Fast forward two years and I'm living with a GF and I'm close to proposing. One night she took an ambien and was out of her mind, she was showing me pictures on her phone when a message pops up from some guy asking about their upcoming date the following weekend.. I didn't confront then, as the state she was in would have been fruitless. The next day I decided that I was just going to leave and started the process to getting my license to practice in a different state. The day of the date night which by now has turned into a "girl's night out" since she has zero recollection of the ambien night, I let her know that I was moving out of state ASAP. This did cause her to cancel the girls night out and allowed me to stave off any known PA for the remaining 3 weeks that I was in that city. 3 weeks later I have my license and a job with a nice hefty raise for what I do. I move to the new state and get the apartment, etc. She thought she would be moving with me once she got projects finished at her job, but I was jerk enough to wait until she had her last day and put in her notice to vacate the apartment to tell her that I was done and she can go live with the dude that she wanted to date.
And finally.. I am currently married to my HSSH. A few months ago, the bedroom went dead and she started spending a LOT of time in the bathroom. Red flags galore. I found SI while trying to figure out if something was happening and read a ton of the stories here. I put in every ounce of energy into investigation, and it's been squeaky clean. She's pretty agoraphobic, so she rarely leaves the house. The times that she has, I followed and saw that she was going exactly where she said she was going. So I did what I should have done in the first place and talked to her about the DB. Turns out that she's been having stomach issues and LL tied to her medications and menopause. A fresh Dr. visit and new medication, and we're back to normal around here.
So I guess I'm batting 66% on red flags and learned that not every red flag has to mean infidelity.
So hi. I'm Blandy. I've been through divorce once due to PA, an EA / possible PA with a former GF, and a high alert false alarm.
