Hi everyone long time no post!
It has almost been two years since my husband’s affair and I feel absolutely crazy. Just last weekend I had a moment and I was telling him how much I couldn’t stand him and this weekend I’m sitting here thinking about planning our anniversary weekend.
Other than this stuff with our son and his upcoming surgery, things have been good. They have been real good. I don’t think there’s anything else that I would change about our relationship minus obviously going back in time, but I just feel almost lost now. Like when I go to ask questions like I used to I just kind of sit there and think these aren’t even gonna do anything anymore , they’re not worth asking. I don’t know if I’m at a new realization or if I’m hitting the plane of lethal flatness's or what is going on, but I just feel WEIRD, like really weird. He has changed so much and I feel like I’m still stuck on this time loop. I don’t have any new questions to ask or anything that’s probing . I’m just asking the same stupid stuff over and over. I’m starting to feel like I’m going crazy again.
He’s been patient and always answers my questions and never gets mad at me when I lose my temper, obviously he gets upset, but I’m just kind of sick of myself at this point does that make sense? I’ve been journaling a lot lately, there’s other stuff that’s going on my life that is bothering me with other family members and I’m wondering if I’m just not taking it out on him, but I really wish this roller coaster would stop. I literally feel like vomiting. I feel like people just think I should get over it even my daughter has admitted to my niece that she wishes I would just stop being upset by it and get over it although she is 11 and she doesn’t know the specifics. I almost feel like I’m the bad guy now and he’s just everybody’s favorite because he’s changed so much and he’s learned such a hard lesson and here I am and just traumatized still and feel like a child that needs reassurance and then the next minute I am miss independent and I’m upset with him .
As I’m sitting here typing this right now, I’m already thinking about like what I could ask him to make me feel better or what I could get him to tell me I just don’t know if I’m trying to find a fix still even after two years like I’m just trying to find a way to make this go away?
Just needed to get this out , I have been really busy lately with having four kids but today I found a little bit of time and figured I would try to get a little bit of advice on here or even just relatable stories !
Married 5 years (together 11) Four children Me Bs 36Him WH 35- 4 month PA Dday Oct 6- lots of TT final disclosure Jan 16.
"If we walk through hell we might as well hold hands, we should make this a home"- citizen soldier