Bos491233 (original poster member #86116) posted at 6:14 PM on Tuesday, November 25th, 2025
Not looking for a whole lot of feedback, just need to unload some baggage. This time of year is rough for me. My Dad who I was estranged from for 30+ years passed away 4 years ago this past week, Dday 1 and Dday 2 are coming up in December and of course all of this occurs during the "most wonderful time of year". Smiling is not easy and I just wonder when that's going to come back. Is it sheer will that's going to do it or will some magical switch just flip and some holiday season in the future all of this pain and angst will be muted. The passing of my father was 4 years ago and the Ddays were 14 and 5 years ago respectively. So if you do the math a significant portion of my 30 year marriage was a lie. It's a constant seesaw, even within a day. This morning was rough and I actively sought my wife out for lunch together to try and improve my mood. She's doing everything she can but getting out of this rut seems impossible at this point. Trigger after trigger after trigger. I mentioned in another post that these damn Hallmark movies that were so harmless previously will now be triggers that I have to navigate due to some of their plotlines. I appreciate so much all of the advice and guidance on here but I just wonder when will the pain lesson to a dull numb vs. the sting I still get. This isn't like 15 yards of mulch needing to be spread where you just put your head down and do it, there's no fire to put out, laundry pile to fold, etc. There's no obvious finish line which, to someone who is wired to need one for most things, makes this seem like insanity. Even raising children you get some key milestones that you can place a finger on: High School Graduation, college (if they choose to go), first adult job, moving out, wedding, etc, etc. Your job as a parent is never done but these milestones give you a feeling of accomplishment. I'm just not getting those right now or maybe I'm just not taking the time to appreciate the small moments that are those "milestones"? Is the fact that we at least talked about this time of year being tough for me a milestone for us? I suppose it is in a way.
