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saltheart (original poster new member #87024) posted at 1:37 PM on Tuesday, March 3rd, 2026
Nearly everyone believes that cheating on their significant other (SO) is wrong. How does a Wayward Partner look at themselves in the mirror while they are actively cheating on their partner and still see themselves as a "good person?"
This question may have been asked and answered, but I'm genuinely curious how this works in the mind of a WP. Personally, I am motivated more by how I view myself than any other factor - which is a large reason why I have never cheated on my wife (and have no plans to cheat). I simply could not see myself as "good" if I were to cheat. I realize others are motivated by other factors. I am not trying to shame anyone or cause anyone further pain - I'm just trying to understand the psychology behind this.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 4:22 PM on Tuesday, March 3rd, 2026
Please ask this question in the 'BS Questions for WSes' in the I Can Relate forum - https://survivinginfidelity.com/topics/658162/bs-questions-for-ws-part-15/?ap=941 should get you to the end of the thread. Thanks.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
d-day - 12/22/2010 Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 4:25 PM on Tuesday, March 3rd, 2026
Often cheaters will lie and justify the affair. That is how they live with themselves during the affair.
Typically cheaters will:
Blame the spouse
Play the "I deserve to be happy" card
Compare the AP to the spouse to show how much "better" the affair partner is
Think they will never be caught so it’s. "Ok"
Believe that this is their "true love" and that it’s fate and destiny and all that crap
They separate the cheating from the rest of their lives. It’s called compartmentalization- basically leading two separate lives.
[This message edited by The1stWife at 4:26 PM, Tuesday, March 3rd]
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
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