I had an emotional connection with another man—messaging, videos, and some in-person contact—but no sex or sexual acts. I took multiple lie detector tests that confirmed this.
H, my husband, had a prior "situationship" i believe with a colleague about a year before my affair. At the time, when I asked about it, I was made to feel I was overreacting.he told her that I thought they was having an affair and because she made it clear she was interested that is when it all ramped up he told me.
During his admission, I found out she had offered him oral and told him he had kissable lips. He admitted he was "veterinarily tempted" because he wasn’t getting that attention at home and it boosted his ego . His admission came three months after my affair surfaced, yet he expects me not to be hurt. She has now left the workplace, but has popped in over the last three months, and H told her about my affair, which hurt deeply—why her?
At a work Christmas party (about 3 years ago), H participated in a pinching-bums game after a few drinks. Everyone, including all partners, was involved also, the game continued into the proffesional work place. I also noticed different mannerisms toward her than how he was with me, which felt unsettling. About a week ago, in a heart-to-heart, I asked him if he had anything to admit, feeling like it all needed to come out. That was his response.
Bur Because all of this was in a public setting he believes he done nothing wrong and is acceptable even though he said he overstepped and was tempted and is irrelevant because of my bad choices.
H has minimised and changed parts of his story, refused a lie detector test, and constantly compares my actions to his. During arguments, he has told me he had sex with her—but also says he only said it to hurt me. I feel like I have no weight if I call him out because he always deflects back to me i am not in no way trying to cancel out his feelings and emotions i just feel like he should be carrying some of this weight too as ive been carrying it for the past 3 months on my own feeling like the worst human ever am i right to feel this way?.
I am in therapy, trying to make myself a better version for the children, to be the wife he needs, and making progress with the house. Even though I’ve been honest and transparent, his unresolved actions, deflections, and intentional hurt leave me exhausted, frustrated, and deeply hurt. I want to move forward, but it feels like we’re trapped in a cycle where the past keeps getting replayed, making it hard to heal or feel safe in the relationship. I feel somewhat in limbo
[This message edited by Sadpenguin at 2:47 PM, Thursday, April 2nd]
