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((((SWAT70)))) I hope you don't mind the virtual hugs, SWAT70. That is all I can think to give you right now. Just letting you know you have been heard and understood.

Someone I think 5454 asked what the emails she received said. They were all saying how he needed her and had to see her. He had some very important things to talk about. Her replies were pretty short, but unfortunately not the right answers. She repeatedly said "I can't". Not I won't or leave me alone. She just couldn't. That is until she said alright.

Funny thing is when I called work I asked if she had made a complaint for him violating the PO. LT said "umm nope..is that what's going on?" I told him its personal and to not worry about me. My LT is a good guy and knows what's going on and be just asked if I would be alright. I told him I'm fine and will check in if he needs me to. He asked that I do contact him on his personal cell phone so he knows I'm alright. I promised him I would and he knows I keep my promises m

Yes, we've got your back.

((SWAT))

Sister at this point I'll take em. I'm sitting here crying like a baby and I appreciate everything y'all have said. It means a great deal to me. I'm sorry that I freaked a lot of people out earlier. It was just so raw and I didn't explain myself well and I would like to apologize to everyone who thought the worst. You guys and gals have been great and I don't want you to worry about me too much.

No apologies needed, SWAT70. Of course you were raw. I am so sorry, I wish I could take away the pain. It is good to cry and let it all out. It can be a helpful release.

Still here listening brother. I hate only being able to give the virtual hug. I'm very sorry it has come down to this. I want you to know that I'll be thinking of you. (((SWAT)))

now that you've explained the emails she and he engaged in, I can see why you're done. instead of worrying about your feelings she was worrying about his. she betrayed your trust again, to help him. she lied to you again, to help him.

you can text her, the same thing. "you should have been worrying about my feelings instead of his. no matter. we're done. i hope you're happy."

but I wouldn't allow her to communicate with you. let her stew. let her family know what she's done. in fact, maybe you really should be done. she clearly doesn't deserve you. I'm sorry man. This stuff sucks.

[This message edited by mike7 at 4:03 AM, May 10th (Saturday)]

Swat, I'm so sorry to read this. I've been following your posts and had hoped for better for you. The biggest issue here is that regardless of what your wife's intentions in meeting OM are, she is still putting his feelings in front of yours and she is still lying to you. When OM approached you in the park shouting that your wife was 'lying to you all' and had met him just days before, did you have proof that it was him who was doing the lying that time? If not be careful Swat because I don't want you to get hurt any more than you already are. You sound like such a good man so, please take care of yourself and give yourself some time to process what's happened. Personally I would probably hear what they all had to say before weighing it all up and making my decision, but you've got a lot of people caring about you, and there's a lot of support here for you whatever you decide to do. (((SWAT)))

I sent her this text. " I'm fine you don't have to worry about me. I'll be in touch soon so you can stop texting me every five minutes. "I can't " understand why your upset. You had ample opportunity to tell me what was going on and could have spent the last couple of months with him. You never had to lie to me I would have done anything for you. I'm sure you saw all the papers I left on the counter. I signed them all you have to do is sign it and your free. I'll call tommorrow to talk to the kids. If its an emergency have BIL text me please. I don't want to talk to you right now. "

She still sent about 15 more messages asking me to call. I haven't responded. I sent my in laws a message to contact me if there is an emergency only. They all replied they understood and just asked if I'm alright. It sucks because my phone is vibrating like crazy. I'm going to get a pre paid tomm and turn mine off.

Sins on that day he was lying. WW was with me all day the day he claimed she was with him. Since I saw those emails I noticed something. It's in her wording with most things she said. Instead of I will not its I can't. Never noticed it before but now it seems so obvious.

Pre-paid is a smart move Swat)))

It will help you allow access only to those who are not toxic to you.

It will help you detach from drama & help things calm down.

You've got good instincts brother.

Take the battery out too.

jjct. Thanks sometimes I can get it right. I'm actually tired so in gonna try to get some sleep. Thanks again everyone.

Instead of I will not its I can't.

Yes that must hurt. That choice of words tells you a lot.

if you're even considering any chance at all, you need to make this hurt.

text her something like "that was the last time you will ever betray me for him. it was the last time you will ever lie to me for him. please don't call me anymore. i can't take it anymore."

you can say these things, because they're probably true.

And then turn off your phone and go for an emergency vacation. tell your BIL or in-laws where you are if you feel like it.

hang in there man. there IS life after D. In fact, it can be great. I'm sorry you are going through this. it's obvious she is fucked up.

I'm so sorry. I saw this last night, but was on my phone and couldn't reply. I hope you were able to get some sleep.

How was she acting in the bar?

Swat, glad to hear you're safe and sound brother, thanks for letting everyone know. Stay strong and take care of yourself - you will get through this. Much love brother ...

SWAT70 I wish you the best brother, I was there not long ago and made it out the other side to a better life.

On a side note enjoy police memorial week. I haven't made it to the DC event yet but a number of friends have. I have some friends on that wall and we will be celebrating their lives here on Thursday.

Strength!

BSB

I'm not sure if you're going to be reading for a while, but JJ said something I think will be helpful.

Get a new phone and try to enjoy yourself on your trip. I think you said your kids were safe and that your in-laws have a way to contact you in an emergency.

just de-stress. don't talk or communicate to your wife at all. take the week or so to relax, think about things, and just "be." You need a break from this nonsense.

When you get back you will have a clear head, and you may know what you want to do.

Please don't drink heavily. This is precisely the time not to drink alcohol.

Have a nice dinner, exercise, relax....

wishing you the best my friend. I think with a little distance you will feel better.

Swat, I am glad you are safe. I am just heartbroken for you.

I am glad you are "done." It serves a great purpose, regardless of your ultimate path. If it is a straight path, your journey toward your freedom from marital commitment to her (and the prospects of finding someone worthy of you) has begun without delay. That would minimize suffering.

If you eventually find a set of circumstances that allow for you to reconcile, being "done" and ready to move on shows everyone in your life that you are not a doormat and you have real boundaries. Stick to your guns (poor choice of words) and continue the D process. You can always change your mind down the road if appropriate---and I do mean down the road.