SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Report the car as stolen.

Can't, the title is in both of our names.

Your making this situation harder on yourself and more complicated than necessary 5pointoh. You're also doing the opposite of what's being advised. You're saying you don't want drama but your actions are causing it. I know that you think that your situation is unique; it's not.

You're still playing pick-me with the ghost of a former girlfriend. The relationship is over, done, put a fork in it dude. You also don't owe this stranger who was your g-friend anything. Move her dogs and her crap out of your house.

Listen to your father; stand up for yourself and get out of infidelity now. Become a man and take your life back.

1. Stop talking to her or even thinking about talking to her.

2. Inform the OBS; do it now; stop making excuses.

3. Change the locks.

4. Get rid of the dogs; who cares how; just don't kill them or anything crazy.

5. Move her crap out of your house.

6. Send her a message and tell her where she can pickup her crap and her dogs.

7. Get your name off of that car and cancel the insurance that's in your name.

8. Be thankful that you didn't marry that needy b*tch.

Life is much better when you take charge of your world.

Dismayed2012 has the right of it -- STOP playing up to her.

1. GET YOUR CAR

2. Get her stuff out of your house. If you need to, rent a storage unit for one month, put her stuff there, then tell her where it is and that she needs to take over the payments after the month or lose her crap.

3. Find a good home for the dogs -- and TELL her you are doing that as you are not a dog sitter.

4. The right thing to do is to tell the OBS.

Drop her dogs off at the dog shelter or dog pound and inform her where she can collect her dogs.

Put her crap in storage.

Take possession of 'your' car while she's at work.

Sell it ....divide the proceeds if any.

I agree with everyones advice i really, do, and i love hearing it because its exactly what i need to hear what i need to keep telling myself and what i definitely need to do .

I dont know what it is in my brain or heart that wants to continue to love and care for her, when i should be hating and forgetting her. It just doesnt make sense to me. Can anyone explain that? The moment i think im getting over it all i fall right back. I do not contact her or nothing and she doesn't reach out to me. I know its over, i know i gotta move on, i just do not know why i keep loving her knowing that she could probably care less about me. Its a disease for sure. I am thankful for everyone here, everyone that has continued to be real with me and tell it how it is and what i need to do and face. This community is great and id probably be even worse if this did not exist.

[This message edited by 5pointoh at 7:05 AM, December 11th (Tuesday)]

You’re co-dependent. Read up on it.

Dude,

You have no children with her. It sounds like she’s no Cindy Crawford either. Cut your losses. Leave her sorry ass and find a woman who will adore, love you deeply and want to spend the rest of her life with you.

She text this morning saying she was on her way to the house to get the dogs just to let me know.

I told her she will have to wait to meet me there(i was at work) until she can get them.

She asked why and proceeded in saying..."I technically still live there so you cant deny me from accessing my things. I dont want to see you or have anything to do with you. I am trading in the car next week at ford so i will need you there to sign it over.

I texted her i was otw to meet her so she could get the dogs and some more of her stuff. I texted that i didnt understand why she hates me so much for someone that did everything for her. I told her that she was the one that cheated AGAIN, not me and that should could deny and play victim, but i had solid proof and deep down she knows she did. Told her locks were changed because its my house and she cant come in and out while im not there when she pleases. She never responded back.

I showed up she got her dogs a few other things, talked a lil more about the car for trading it in next week but i could def see the cold in her heart and emotion. It made me realize damn she really does hate me for some reason. I guess ill never know truly why, but its for me to accept move on and maybe pointless trying to understand it. Still it just hurts but i know will be better with time.

5pointoh:

Gently, the further you get away from this relationship the more you will understand the “Why”. She does not hate you. She is treating you coldly because she is done using you now. You gave her what she wanted and she drained you and has moved on. She is a “user”. She uses people and then discards them. It is a valuable lesson to learn.

Told her locks were changed because its my house and she cant come in and out

Good job!

Gently, the further you get away from this relationship the more you will understand the “Why”. She does not hate you. She is treating you coldly because she is done using you now. You gave her what she wanted and she drained you and has moved on. She is a “user”. She uses people and then discards them. It is a valuable lesson to learn.

Could not have said this better myself. You stood up to her as well; she's not accustomed to that. She doesn't hate you, she hates that she can't have her way and is projecting that onto you. She's a petulant child.

It's time to go total NC - stop trying to explain what you know, how you feel...it's falling on deaf, immature ears and is just breaking your heart.

I'm so sorry...but in time, when the dust settles and she's gone from your life for good, I promise you that you will heal. I do recommend that you talk to an IC to help you cope with this - you are carrying a lot of guilt...don't carry that into your next relationship or this could happen again.

Sending strength...

edited for typo

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 1:33 PM, December 11th (Tuesday)]

talked a lil more about the car for trading it in next week but i could def see the cold in her heart and emotion.

I feel like I and everyone else on SI are more worried about her having the car than you are. I don't understand why you haven't taken control of the car yet. You keep doing this one more week thing... That would be fine if she had a drivers licence, if you were confident she is making the payments on it, if your name weren't on it, if she had insurance...You talk about losing your security clearance and being afraid of causing too much drama but... if she gets into a fender bender, or into a major accident... you are the one that is going to be in trouble. You are putting yourself at risk for someone that won't give you the time of day.

We keep giving you a long list of action items but the only ones you are taking care of are the ones she does. Your relationship is over, it doesn't matter what you do or say now. You need to protect yourself and OBS needs to know her husband is cheating so she can protect herself and her unborn baby.

I think you should read Falc thread, you can skip around and only read the items he posts. Your situation and the way you handle it are very similar. He is much farther along in the process so it might give you an idea of where you are headed. He tried many of the stalling techniques you have.

Please stop lamenting about the car. This is easily handled in multiple ways as she is an unlicensed and uninsured motorist even if she is on the title. If the car is financed the lien holder will repo it when they find out you two are allowing her to drive without insurance. In my opnion you are supporting her breaking the law....you may be an accomplice. You are exposed financially in this matter. If she has a wreck you will pay dearly which may or may not result in your bankruptcy. Hopefully the police stop her and impound the vehicle so that law abiding citizens are not exposed to this foolishness. It would be horrible for someone to lose their transportation by being in an accident with an unlicensed and uninsured motorist.

What steps have you taken to have the car returned or parked?

Housing of the pets is easily dealt with. Has she picked up the dogs? What steps have you taken to return the dogs to her or find them a home?

Her texts are easily dealt with. Have you stopped playing the "pick me dance?" Have you implemented the 180 or gone 100% no contact?

Telling the OBS about the affair so that she can protect herself or her child is also easily dealt with. You may tell her yourself, electronically, or via a third party. Have you thought out when and how you will inform her?

What is the reason for your lack of action?

You seem to be stuck and must do the work in order to move forward. I suggest you start now.

[This message edited by Ripped62 at 1:53 AM, December 12th (Wednesday)]

I texted that i didnt understand why she hates me so much for someone that did everything for her.

Dude, I know this sounds cruel, but I'm going to say it anyway.

With that sentence, she sees you as a hand-wringer. People don't respect hand-wringers, as it shows weakness and indecisiveness.

Just keep focused on yourself, and don;t give her too much of your time in your head, wondering and second guessing her. No point.

If she had any respect or love for you, she would be doing the chasing, and not you. As she is not, she is just showing you that she neither respects nor love you.

You are still doing the pick-me dance, when she has already left the dance floor.

5pointoh, I think that you are doing quite well, actually. None of us were trained how to behave in the aftermath of infidelity, it is unreasonable to expect that you do everything "right". Some posters tend to forget that.

As why you still want to love and care for her - you just don't turn these feelings off like a flashlight. The main thing now is not to let these feelings guide you. It is tough, I know.

A little bit about the reasons for telling OBS ASAP. First, it really matter when you find out about infidelity. The sooner, the better (there's no "good" time and never will). It minimizes timespan you were living a lie. Ask those, who found out years later. Also, imagine OBS giving birth to her baby, happy father holding baby in his arms, supporting OBS during birth, etc. Do you think she will remember it like this? No. She will remember that it all was a lie. That he fucked your XWGF the day prior. That he texted her as soon as he left a room "I'm a father now!". If you tell her now, yes, she will be devastated. But she will have a choice to kick him out of the delivery room. Her memories will be sad, but there will be no lies in them.

Me, personally, I would take a day post DDay over one during my WW's As any time. I feel terror when I look back, it feels like if I think about it hard enough, if I shout hard enough, my past "me" will hear me and starts getting out of that situation.

But that's just my opinion, it would be good if some BWs were to chime in and advise if you should wait until her baby is born.

The potential for STDs resulting in miscarriage or harm to the baby from lack of testing and treatment is the reason the OBS should be informed immediately.

Medical decisions are being made for the OBS and her baby that do not reflect current medical protocol. Her ObGyn would have the tests completed and she would undergo treatment for her and the baby according to the results.

The OBS is also entitled to make the decision to not have sex with her wayward husband or use condoms to protect herself and her baby from STDs while he is having sex with 5pointoh's girlfriend and potentially others.

Please accept my apologies if my posts seem harsh.

They are made with your best interests at heart as your wayward girlfriend seems to be using your love for her for her personal gain. In other words she seems to be have played you and is still continuing to do so.

I want what is in your best interests; those of the OBS; and the baby.

[This message edited by Ripped62 at 4:47 AM, December 12th (Wednesday)]

Rippled no offense taken as I knew your intentions for best interest and i appreciate your feed back.

This was the text I sent her in it’s entirety otw to meet her yesterday to give the dogs back. This was after she said she didn’t want to see me or have anything to do with me. It shows proof she didn’t deny or refute of her cheating which will be more proof for the OBS to see.

I really don't know what's come over you to hate someone so much that was always there for you when no one else was. The guy that always had your back. You cheated AGAIN, I never did. You can deny if you want but u know the truth deep down and I have proof. You blocked me out of your life and chose to walk out on the relationship. The locks are changed. I'm not denying you access you can meet me there to get your dogs and when you get the rest of your stuff I'll meet you there again to give you access so you can get everything. I'll even have most of it boxed up ready to go for you when u schedule the date. It is my house not yours to come and go in and out as you want. That is great I'll meet you at ford to sign over everything to you. I wanted this to be civil and gave you that opportunity to come talk to me and you refused. I tried but like I said you have hate toward me for some reason. I always remained honest and true to you just remember that.

She never responded to it. I don’t know i just hope one day this will all crumble down on her and she will realize how much I did donfoe her as karma comes striking back. I know I shouldn’t care if she does or not and i know it’s over but I still hope she gets to where she is like damn I did fuck up and suffers from it. I assure u I won’t be taking her back it’s done.

So get this...she text me this morning asking me to help find someone to take the dog now because apparently it chewed up the vinyl flooring in the kitchen in the apartment she stays in with her cousin. Supposedly they will get evicted in 5 days if she don't find someone and shes gotta pay for the repair. I really don't see how you can get evicted in 5 days but that's besides the point. Just less than 24 hours ago she had text me that she didn't want to see me or have anything to do with me lol. Now shes already texting me about this. Imagine that right?

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not respond to this text message!

Her dog, her problem. You need absolute radio silence toward her. Block her calls and texts on your phone if you can. It's hard, like going cold turkey on an addiction but you can and HAVE TO do it. Live minute by minute if you have to in order to go NC.

It will get easier, we promise.