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It seems like a lot of discussion to just come around to the obvious: that everybody's different, and like everything else in this world size matters to some and not others.

True. I have not read all the responses but saw that most of the initial ones by women insisted "size does not matter" (ever).

I do agree with that set of women but have talked to plenty of women IRL to know that it DOES matter to some women. I don't want to make any one feel bad but I think it is best we all face reality instead of insisting that our perspectives are THE correct answer for everyone.

This discussion, funny and humorous but as some have pointed out, doesn't do anything for us.

It doesn't bring anything to our healing, and I surely don't want my EGO being stroke by someone who lied to me for 2 years or more...

Truly, size may matter or not to the WW... But that speaks a lot to their brokenness and their priorities. If my WW said both were bigger than me then I would just shrug it off as her trying to hurt me, but if she said I was bigger than them I would shrug it off as a lie.

I would say I have an average penis but my hands and whatever she wanted I would do to get the job done if she had communicated for me, but she decided to be these guys plaything to get what ever she wanted.

[This message edited by LostSamurai at 11:04 AM, January 8th (Wednesday)]

Another vote for it will matter to some but for the majority of women it won't. As a previous person said, people walk around with clothes on, there is no way of knowing what's going on underneath it all. by the time you get to the point of seeing what's underneath, the majority would say you didn't wind up there in anticipation of simply comparing "the size of their package"

Size honestly does not matter to me either. A person's size is going to fall into 1 of 3 categories: average, smaller than average, or bigger than average. That applies to both men and women.

From my perspective we have to keep in mind:

a WS of either gender will say anything overly-positive to their OP "my oh my, you have a big dick" or "wow, your tits are the best I've ever seen" because they are stroking-the-OP-ego (pardon the pun). They'll say all those things, whether they are actually true or not, because the WS and OP are wrapped up in the fantasy. They both crave that ego-attention and those meaningless words are one of the ways they attain it. So they come up with all sorts of meaningless crap and convincingly tell each other its oh-so-true-schmoopie-cakes. but the bottom line it's complete and utter bullshit that comes spilling out of their mouths/texts/emails

And on the other hand, we all know the WS will say anything, just anything, to their BS. Anything to throw them off track. To blameshift. to make it seem the BS is at fault, is the one with the problem. When, in fact, we know this is not true. But if the WS can get a dig in at their BS by being cruel, they will do that because it is an opportunity to throw the BS offtrack. Those horrible statements then make us focus on that cruel, cut-to-the-core statement versus having the WS own up to their deception and lies and horrible actions.

So when a WS says the OP was oh-so-great and better than the BS, as much as it hurts we as BS need to keep in mind it is just another LIE. Because liars lie.

I do agree with that set of women but have talked to plenty of women IRL to know that it DOES matter to some women. I don't want to make any one feel bad but I think it is best we all face reality instead of insisting that our perspectives are THE correct answer for everyone.

Well said. Size matters to me, because I orgasm better and longer from a vaginal (G-spot) orgasm, and the length and thickness does matter to my body. I do not need a man hung like horse, but I prefer slightly above average to have the best orgasm. Sex is enjoyable with average or smaller but not as enjoyable.

So Jesu;

If your suicidal, SA, abusive BPD GF tells you she‘s over OM you don‘t believe her.

What? I do believe her. I also believe there has been NC between her and OM since DDay.

Also, SA? I don't believe WSO is SA. What makes you say that?

If your suicidal, SA, abusive BPD GF tells you OM has a bigger penis you believe her.

Why wouldn't I? She didn't volunteer the information, I asked her, pushed for an answer, and was threatening polygraph at the time. Her initial answer was that he and I were "about the same size".

Since you insist on sticking to “facts” then do you have anything other than WGF words that OM was bigger. And sticking to facts; did she do a precise measurement on OM and of you for comparison or do you simply have her WORDS that OM was bigger?

I asked her the same thing when she told me..."how can you be so sure he was bigger, did you pull out a measuring tape"? She just held up her hand, in a "handjob" type position and said, "Well..."...and just kind of cocked her head in a knowing way.

Frankly Jesu I doubt I have seen a case here on SI where the quote I use in my tag-line is more apt.

[BTW – I have a rep for being rather direct. I just truly feel that WE – the BS – need to really pick up our act in order to recover. IMHO you seem to be focusing on issues that keep you in infidelity rather than working with FACTS to get out of infidelity – with or without your GF]

Wow, quite frankly that is one of the rudest things that anyone on here has ever said to me!

I've raised the "does size matter" question with myself after the A too. The A opened that door unfortunately. It's definitely an ego blow so I think we tend to look at ourselves and start nitpicking. When STBX and I would have sex after the A I had anxiety over it. And that is my WW's fault, not genetics fault. So I get how that insecurity gets created, or exagerated after an A.

But now I am at the point where I believe that if your partner/spouse has a problem with your penis size then fuck em. That's their problem. You are who you are. If they can't accept that then move on and seek out someone who appreciates you for who you are. Someone who helps build confidence, instead of tearing yours down. Besides, you have a lot more to offer someone than just a penis. And if she can't see past that I say again, fuck em.

Jesu, I agree, that post is incredibly confrontational and unnecessarily rude. But:

Also, SA? I don't believe WSO is SA. What makes you say that?

From your story:

She always had excuses, such as a skin condition, as well as blaming past SA for lack of libido.

I think that's where he got that. Still doesn't excuse the attack, IMO.

Ah, ok...I understand the confusion now.

In "My Story", which I mostly wrote when first joining SI, SA = Sexual Abuse. After much time spent on SI...most people, including myself now, define SA as "Sex Addict". So to clarify, my WSO is a victim of sexual abuse that happened when she was young, and is not a sex addict.

Thanks for clearing that up, hikingwithkoda, and thank you for the backup and support.

If your suicidal, SA, abusive BPD GF tells you OM has a bigger penis you believe her.

Why wouldn't I? She didn't volunteer the information, I asked her, pushed for an answer, and was threatening polygraph at the time. Her initial answer was that he and I were "about the same size".

Jesu, I didn't see anything rude in what Bigger wrote to you. From the outside, it seems like your GF will say pretty much anything in the moment to get whatever reaction she's looking for.

She says you two were about the same size and you don't believe her. You push her for a different answer, threaten her, and then magically her story changes to "ok then, he was bigger" and this story you believe. My guess is your GF knows you well enough to know that you were not going to be satisfied with anything she said other than "yes, he was bigger than you" so she said it. And, for a bit of revenge for you heckling her about it, she threw in an extra bit of cruelty with the hand job gesture and "knowing look".

Incidentally, does that sound like someone being honest and open about their affair to you? To me it sounds like someone playing a game with your insecurity. And you pick and choose which story to believe based on that same insecurity, and you look for any clue at all that will fit the answer you already believe.

I also think you should look more closely at what Bigger wrote in the post you felt was cruel. What was it about that post that rankled you? Before springing to the worst case scenario, just think about it.

My interpretation of it is that you're with someone who has a lot of issues - the affair, lying, blame shifting, suicide attempts, BPD - and you're mired in a very dark place. At some point we as BS have to work towards healing, whether our WS has the capacity to help the healing process or not. We do this for ourselves, because we deserve to live life. It's a positive message. At some point we have to save ourselves, and it's a blessing when we look up and see that we can do that.

Here's a novel idea: The truth is somewhere in between. For SOME women, size doesn't matter, and for SOME women, who are size queens, size does matter. Just like some men prefer big boobs, and for others, it doesn't matter.

I've raised the "does size matter" question with myself after the A too. The A opened that door unfortunately. It's definitely an ego blow so I think we tend to look at ourselves and start nitpicking. When STBX and I would have sex after the A I had anxiety over it. And that is my WW's fault, not genetics fault. So I get how that insecurity gets created, or exagerated after an A.

But now I am at the point where I believe that if your partner/spouse has a problem with your penis size then fuck em. That's their problem. You are who you are. If they can't accept that then move on and seek out someone who appreciates you for who you are. Someone who helps build confidence, instead of tearing yours down. Besides, you have a lot more to offer someone than just a penis. And if she can't see past that I say again, fuck em

.

Well said. For many betrayed husbands with a WW having a PA, this subject is a sticking point. There's no doubt about it because its a double blow on top of the affair. The mind movies from this are horrific and ego shattering.

But yeah, fuck em. You got more to offer.

My favorite penis is one that doesn't cheat.

No wiser words have ever been spoken.

Here's a novel idea: The truth is somewhere in between. For SOME women, size doesn't matter, and for SOME women, who are size queens, size does matter. Just like some men prefer big boobs, and for others, it doesn't matter.

Nice over-generalization and needless dig.

This is something I have posted before, but something I think we all need to re-read:

I guess this is going to be a huge issue for me for a long time. As I posted earlier, my WWF confessed to me that the OP was bigger. I was her first sexual partner. Together 11 year, married 7 years, 11 year old sone, year long affair that continued 6 months after d-day.

She said it was unusually big. Im dead on average. She claimed that it did not matter. He behavior and addiction for his penis says otherwise.

SORRY for being graphic.... I need to say this. Its BEYOND EMBARRASSING:

In the past 14 years my WWF gave me oral every month or two as a favor. Never really wanting to. She never swallowed. It just wasnt her thing she said.

Yet....in the year she was with OP, seeing him roughly 4 times a month (me every day), she gave him more blowjobs then they could remember. She also swallowed ever time.

Something had to of turned her on so much.

My source: They both confessed after I debriefed them separately.

Something I could never do.

I cant imagine being with another woman or having her see me.

I hate what this woman did to my mind.

In the past 14 years my WWF gave me oral every month or two as a favor. Never really wanting to. She never swallowed. It just wasnt her thing she said.

Yet....in the year she was with OP, seeing him roughly 4 times a month (me every day), she gave him more blowjobs then they could remember. She also swallowed ever time.

Yes, the doing-sexual-things-with-a-relative-stranger-that-you-won't-ever-do-with-your-spouse, or because SI loves abbreviations, DSTWARSTYWEDWYS. I'm struggling with that one, too. There are things that she admits and one she denies (but her texts to him sure suggest they did). This very thought laid me out at the gym today...literally almost started tearing up in the weight room. That wouldn't have been embarrassing...

I have no idea what to do about it. Is part of R that she engages in this behavior with you? Or would you freak out when she tries to swallow you because you know the behavior started with him?

Screw penis size, this is the most emasculating part of the A for me.

DSTWARSTYWEDWYS. Haha!! I love it. This has been my story for 9 months.

Thankfully, I am bigger than the OM in the only way that truly matters.

I am average size.

He, on the other hand, is dead. So technically, he is 6ft under.

And doctors have assured me that his ability to perform is now greatly diminished.

Hello, I'm new here.

Penis envy, if all guys only knew. Women say size don't matter, what they leave out is, if your in the normal range. That is over 3.5 and under 9.75 inches. Those guys can have what you call a normal sex life, roughly 93%.

Oh how I would at one point in my life loved to have been one of the 93%. I'm not, I'm average x2.

When I was 16 I met the love of my life, we dated 5 years before I asked her to marry. Engaged two more years before wedding. 7 years and no sex. It was her choice, and I was so in love I was ok with it. However, I had been sexually active before. Having started it was hard to not have it.

Honestly I turned to porn, not uncommon for a late teen early 20 male. My thinking (flawed) I'm going to be a great lover learning all the techniques. Just think, 12" penis vs a 95 pound virgin (sorry if that's crude), and

porn as my roadmap. It was like dropping a weapon of mass destruction on her.

Long story short, she had a affair. When I asked her why, she said she didn't think sex was suppose to be painful so she wanted to know if it was me or her. We tried for another almost two years but without the tools to communicate and my lack of "effort" the M ended.

The next two years of my life was one of discovery. I wanted to learn as much about sex, women, marriage, infidelity (the why's and how to prevent it). Thus the name 2yrsblind. That's for another time.

So I disagree that size don't matter for at least the 7%.

Yeah, 12" penis sounds like overkill to me! Still, I'd gather it would be better than having a 3 inch penis.