SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Read my previous post about why woman choose the AP that they do.

It sounds like this guy rents and that is hard to track down. He might even have a PO Box and with cell phones being the main phone, it could be very hard to track him down.

Docusearch should be able to get a current employer on this guy. You could then follow him home from work.

The only other public record I can think of using is the voter registration records, as far as I know they are public record and usually give some information.

That is why I ask how your wife even meets this guy in order to even have an affair.

Usually the revenge comes after the confronting the wife. You never know, she might want you to catch her, a lot of WW's have said that on here.

Ok. Got his new burner phone number. His number does show up on our bill. Just went over bill online last night. Hundreds and hundreds of texts. I don't know how she gets work done at work, and this loser must not have a job. It's all day and night. I bet her boss would like to know what he's paying her for. He fired her boyfriend about a year ago anyway. That's another card I'll play when the time is right.

So, her phone is actually my phone. I own it i pay the bill. I'm sure there is a way I can track it without getting my hands on the actual phone. Anybody know how?

Still haven't confronted I want the omw first. I've decided that for sure. Tough finding his address. His new phone number gives me same results. No address. Subscription phone.

Also, we talked yesterday in general terms again because I love to see how she can look me in the eye and straight up lie to me. Anyway, she actually told me she's in limbo. She doesn't know what direction she wants to go in life. Still not knowing I know. I asked her specifically if she "wanted to work on our marriage just tell me yes I do and I'll do or see whoever to try to fix it" and she didn't commit 100%. I was trying to draw a reaction. I got one alright. I got pissed and told her I don't need to convince you your not my girlfriend your my wife. If you want to go don't let the door hit you in the ass. She says I took it the wrong way. Ya right. I'm her meal ticket.

Even more determined to blow everyone up. Digging my heels in. I'm thinking about call cell provider to block his number to her phone. Just to fuck with her and cause her angst. I don't care if he changes phones every week. On dday I'm going to shut her phone off before hand. Again, it's my phone. If/when she runs at least she'll panic for a while trying to figure out how to get a hold of everyone to alert them.

Btw, I honestly think they want to be together and are making plans. I do need to find more info on him because I want to run a background check on him for any criminal items. I'm thinking way down the line so I might be able to convince a judge that she only have visitation in my house or supervised. I would hope if he had a criminal record, along with the proof I already have, that he wouldn't put my son in that environment I know I'm jumping to conclusions but my mind is going a million miles per hour.

Anyway, back to my original question. How can I track her(my) phone? I don't care about VAR's and catching them in the act.

Thanks for all your support and advice. I consider it all.

Do you have his full name?

You have his previous employment already.

I do not see why you cannot get a background check done. The previous employment along with the full name should get it done right now.

I also think you are going about this the wrong way IF you are still considering R.

And, do not talk to your wife right now. The answers you get are just making you mad and for no good reason.

Your wife is in the middle of an affair. An affair changes all reality. Her answers, her thoughts, her words do not matter at this time.

They are not her real thoughts. So stop talking to her about the future and about staying married.

Is there any way you can read these texts, since it is your phone. Do they ever meet in person?

Yes I do have his full name ( assuming its correct ) and I know where he used to work. Where do I go from there?

I don't know where they meet. It's not certain place or times. I basically know where she is at all times and she leaves and is home when expected. Quickies in car etc. I don't care about that right now.

I dont understand how you can not care where they meet or if there are quickies. Are you completely sure this is divorce, you are not going to try and R and see what she has to say AFTER the affair is brought to light.

Docusearch should have been able to do a background check based on his name alone. I dont know if a background search gives addresses though. But you want a criminal record and that should work.

You are looking for this guys wife, are you entirely sure he is even married at this time?

I don't care anymore. What she has done is too aggrecious. It's been going on for two years almost. We talked two weeks ago and she told me she wanted to stay together and woukd work on it. Not knowing what I know. She spent the last two weeks attached to her phone and the texts are thousands. Pissed me off she takes away valuable time away from our son texting and living in another world with him. I look at her and don't even know her. It's all so unbelievable. I can't see any way I can forgive and trust her again. I wanted to for my sons sake, but realize she's checked out of his life too. I'm the better parent, provider, guider of my sons life and she admits that too. So yes it's going to hurt him when we split up but I'll do the best I can for him to adjust. I, like most fathers would give my life for him and sacrifice anything for his sake. My whore wife wouldn't.

I used docusearch for his last burner phone. They can't trace the subscription phones. Got his name only, which I had anyway. How can they do background check if all I have is name? Very common name at that. Any ideas would be appreciated.

Rocket - you know, you DO have another option.

Sit her down, very calmly, at your kitchen table - have your computer and or cell phone with you. You have an 8 year old son, correct? Let her know that she is going to do absolutely every you ask of her in the next ten minutes - no questions asked.

Then, look her right in the eye and tell her that you want the guy's address and home phone number. She'll know who you're talking about. When she realizes what it is you are asking for - she'll say no, of course. At that time just calmly say, "Give it to me, right now, in the next 30 seconds, or I'm filing for divorce tomorrow morning and I'm taking full custody of your son."

It doesn't matter that you would never be given that - the shock of the moment will not give her time to think it through - and all she'll see is her losing her son and her marriage. It won't take long for her to give you exactly what you want.

Don't give her time to think about it. "Right now, or it's over." Then, don't let her leave - plug the information into your computer right then and have her help you find the guy's wife. Then call the APW, with her sitting right next to you. Keep calling until you reach her, even if it takes all day.

In other words, use divorce and your child as ransom. Trust me, she'll give you everything you want - especially in the craziness of the moment. Remember - you're prepared. She's not.

Of course, she may absolutely refuse. No problem! The door is right behind you.

Just something to consider.

Rocket, you are thinking wrongly!

What your wife is telling you now is not real!

You have to understand that the fog of the affair is very real, and the words a WW says during an affair do not matter, they are not real!

Is this affair with them an EA or do you know for a fact it has been a physical affair?

And LifeisCrazy is correct, your wife might give you all of the information right now.

Your anger is now dangerous actually. Everyone on this board has gone through what you are at this time.

You need to confront your wife now calmly and tell her you know what has and is going on.

Then you need to be prepared for her lies and denials, it is as common as the sun coming up every morning. Then get ready for her anger, which is nothing but defensiveness hiding of real embarrassment. Since you know her anger is really her embarrassment, keep that in mind.

If you just want a divorce and no questions asked, then you do NOT need the OM's wife to know, because she will know soon enough. You should have already talked to a divorce lawyer by now.

Do you know if adultery is a crime in your state, it still is in some states, a few states. They just repealed in my state and I didnt even know it was a crime.

As for background checks, they are all over the internet with ads like check out your daughters new boyfriend etc. PeopleSmart has ads everywhere on Google.

Yes I know the affair is sexual. I will take your advice into consideration.

Thank you again.

You might end up with a better marriage after you confront your wife. She obviously did not pick someone better than you for this affair, which means she has a low opinion of herself already for some reason.

Rocket, the woman lying boldfaced to you is not in her right mind. I tend to lean towards R when there are kids involved, if it is possible and the wayward is not abusive in any way. So, I'll just admit my bias, but it is a total mind -f $@$ to be in the position you are in now.

Affairs are kind of a delusional state. She has compartmentalized you and your son. The thing is, the two worlds generally have to collide to bust them out of the fog. She can't really see fully what she is doing. . . Trust me on that. If there is a shred of love in your heart for her past all of the hurt, then try to suspend judgement for a while.

But, you do need to out her, or let the OBS know. Forget the OM... It isn't about him anyway.

[This message edited by bionicgal at 9:56 AM, March 2nd (Sunday)]

I think Lifeiscrazy's last post is one you need to strongly consider. My H had a two year A so I get how disgusted you are not only by her actions but by the length of the A.

The shit she is saying and doing now - its all FOG so don't bother testing her. She is going to fail every time. Remorseful WS look back after D-day and are mortified/disgusted/repulsed by their behavior.

I know you are sickened right now. We have been there. The M can be better not bc of the A but in spite of it. But I know that is very difficult to believe right now.

Ask a trusted family/friend to take your son for a few hours and confront your wife.

Again, I think Life's post is sound advice.

Hello Rocket999,

Sorry that this is happening to you. No one should be put in this position and yet here we are. Please don't take this the wrong way but your posts seem to have a vengeful/old-testament feel to them. This sh*t can eat you up inside, crush your soul if your not careful. Especially if your WW is unremorseful. DON'T let her turn you into a monster, she isn't worth it. Plus she will use your actions against you in D when the time comes.

What do you want for yourself? What do you want for your family? IF you are certain that R is off the table then you already have all the information you need to begin the D. Everything else tends to come out later.

Protect yourself and your child. Don't worry about what happens to her or OM. God Bless you.

Rocket - stay patient. You are on the verge of finding out everything you need about OMW to blow this A out of the water. The key is OMW and you know it. You are very close to finding her.

Here is what I would do:

- Call OM's former place of work posing as a new employer and ask to speak to the HR department. Say that you want to get dates of employment and title for OM and to verify employment.

- They will either confirm or say "who the hell is that?" At which point you will know that the names he has been using for the burner phones are fake.

- If they confirm his employment, ask if they can confirm middle initial and date of birth

- Once you confirm his name, and DOB, run a background check. Most of the for pay sites require only a name middle initial, state and DOB. You will then know if he had any prior criminal records.

I personally would not confront your WW until you have FIRST contacted OMW. The first person your WW will contact is OM. If you get to OMW first, then he will immediately throw your WW under the bus and she will have no where to go and will completely break down.

Keep calm during all of this, don't do anything that looks like you are losing your temper. If possible please call someone to be with you at the time of confront so that she can't claim you harmed her later. If possible hide a VAR on you at the time of confront in case she accuses you.

..................Kali

If the OMW cannot be found soon, he has to confront his wife very soon and end the affair.

Rocket, when you make these phone calls, I hope you are remembering about caller ID. And that disabling it doesn't always work.

Rocket: if she has an iPhone, here is how to track her whereabouts using the GPS feature.

1) First you need to know her Apple ID. If you don't know her apple id it is probably the same as her main email address. If you don't know her password then you will need to get a key logger and find out. Hide a key logger on her main computer for a few days and you should be able to get the pw. Other option is to setup a hidden camera to watch her enter the pw

2) Once you have the Apple ID, type in the PIN to her phone and goto Settings > iCloud > turn on "Find my iPhone". As soon as you do this Apple will send an email to the address listed as the Apple ID. So be careful to logon to her email account and delete this.

3) Then once it is activated, you can track her location. Even if the screen is off on the phone you will be able to track her. As long as she is near a cell signal you can track the phone. Goto www.icloud.com and then type in the apple ID and pw. Then click on find my iPhone and you will see where she is in real time.

If she has an android phone then I'm not sure exactly how to track her.

ALSO DO NOT BLOCK OM's PHONE FROM HER PHONE. After confrontation (D-day) you will need some way to know if she is keeping NC or not. If you let her know that you are tracking and monitoring her phone then you won't know if she is truthful or not. On d-day just expose and then go dark on her. She will freak out and call you dozens of times, but don't answer. Not answering will freak her out more than if you were to block her.

Rocket,

You have done great job of controlling yourself in a terribly stressful situation, but you need to stop worrying about the scumbag OM and focus on getting rid of this woman who is lying every day to your face and betraying and disrespecting you 24/7. At this point, you have given her multiple opportunities to confess by asking if things are Ok, and she is choosing to continue to play you like a fool. It is time to let her have it with both barrels. I could see considering R if maybe she had come clean or if it was ONS, but you seem clear on correct that you need to dissolve this relationship.If you can notify the OM wife and blow up his marraige, go ahead, but don't torment yourself any more with all the detective work. You have all the information you need as far as she is concerned.

Do it man and walk away with your dignity. You will feel better in the long run.

Rocket:

Can you call a PI? My friend's dad was one and they very easily can pull up lots of info on the OM AND his wife.

Also, if you go on the investigative section of this site you can ask someone to do a search for you,, lots of people have paid subscriptions to do this for you.

Also, go and see the atty now. Find out your rights. You want to cut her off at every turn.

And what kept me from punching out OW was what will get you thru this, also. THe love of your son. No way was OW and my WH going to get the joy of seeing our so grow up with out me. For this reason alone I held my temper in check around them. I was not going to jail and miss all the awesome things in my child's life. I think you are there, too. I also NEVER gave OW an earful. It put her in her place -- the garbage ---and I don't talk to garbage. I she's always trying to get me to talk to her and I refuse.

I also saw 12,000 text messages between my XWH and OW. No one should have to see this. I got outpatient counseling because it is truly overwhelming.

Keep posting here.

woman who is lying every day to your face and betraying and disrespecting you 24/7.

Badhurt, that is what affairs are all about and why he shouldnt even pay attention to what she is saying now. I dont think focusing on getting rid of his wife should be #1, without seeing how she reacts after being confronted and how remorseful she will be.