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Sorry, this just isn't true

The only reason for outing the "lovebirds" to the OM's wife is to break up the affair.

It is to give another one of us (a BS) the truth.

Rocket, didn't your L say anything about having PI contacts?

I agree with JJCT - Give the other BS the truth. They deserve to know, and not live one more second in a relationship that is a lie.

Also, don't expect anything from the OBS.

I told the OBS and they had already gotten to him. He cussed me out, told me to lose his fn number, etc. Everytime I tried to tell him, he slammed down the phone on me. Even though his XW and my XH live together now, I'm not sure he really believes anything was going on before the D.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 7:05 AM, March 8th (Saturday)]

I feel like my wife sees my kindness as weakness. I have never been verbally cruel to her. I have never even called her a bitch, ever. I just have never seen the need. I've always tried to take the high road. I know, in my case, she's not going to expect me to be demanding of any consequences for her. I've never pressed her into anything. Ever since I talked tonher in general terms about our marriage a couple of weeks ago and told her I wanted to work on it and we both shed tears, she has treated me differently. Like I'm weak and she's in control. She doesn't know I only acted that out to draw a reaction/confession. I didn't get it and wish I never would have done it.

When I do confront I will not shed a tear. She will know I am not fucking around and will not even recognize who she's dealing with. I told her a long time ago that I can take a lot and hold a lot it, but one day someone is going to cross me one too many times and look out. Little did I know it was going to be with her.

Sound just like me. I think you have a great plan figured out. Your right, it will probably be in the first minute whether you'll know if you want to reconcile. I would hold a few facts that you know to yourself, that way if you do want to reconcile you can test her truthfullness later into R. Im hoping the best for you! Be strong!

Rocket, when you do lay down the picture..

I thought I might share the possible reactions

• Denial – she will most likely deny that anything is going on. You may hear “We are just friends” or “You’re making something out of nothing”.

• Anger – she might try turning the tables on you for “spying” on her. “Who do you think you are checking up on me?”, “What gives you the right to invade my privacy?”

• Justification – “It’s YOUR fault I HAD to look elsewhere!”

• Guilt, Tears and Humiliation – The reality of her own actions and betrayal will start to weigh heavy on her conscience.

• Silence, she may choose to avoid her feelings and go silent. Not participating in any conversations about the issues.

• She may seem to submit by overly taking care of things, become overly passionate and sexual. Don’t trust this; see the following sections before moving forward.

Pay close attention..

My wife did react this way.. she had the Guilt, Tears and Humiliation... And you see this.. then perhaps you can provide some hope. It was my marriage "awakening".. Love always hopes. What I did was to say, "W, I have it within myself to forgive." But I knew I could live with this in my Marriage.. it is a choice. I changed, my wife changed, we have an incredible marriage today. It took time, pain, training.. My wife is most open today.. because of her choice and because of the new way I treat her.

All others reactions.. Do yourself a favor and keep the value.. I will only be intimate with a woman most open.. A woman who makes the 100% effort to be most open, does not hide and wants on her own free will, to be the one who joins me in my life.. One who can face the consequences of her evil with strength and courage. Any other type woman will not be in part of my happy world.

A given for us all in life.. everything changes and ends. You can come out of this temporary pain with NO regrets.

Courage and strength to you brother.. Stay quality in every way.

Peace brother.

[This message edited by trynhard at 10:04 AM, March 8th (Saturday)]

jjct wrote:

Sorry, this just isn't true

in reply to:

The only reason for outing the "lovebirds" to the OM's wife is to break up the affair.

and then wrote

It is to give another one of us (a BS) the truth.

In a perfect world you are right. But right now he can't find the OM's wife. Does that mean that he puts his life on hold for the greater good of the greater community? I think not.

I think that Rocket has to move ahead. Perhaps if his wife wants reconciliation she'll divulge more information about the OM. It is also possible that the OM's wife has long since left him.

I'm wondering how the weekend turned out for Rocket. I haven't seen a post since Friday.....

right now he can't find the OM's wife. Does that mean that he puts his life on hold for the greater good of the greater community? I think not.

sindey2718, I don't think anyone is suggesting anything of the sort to Rocket.

In a perfect world informing the OBS will result in both things: providing the truth to another BS and also bringing the affair to a close. However, as homewrecked2011 points out, you can't rely on the response you may get from the OBS. All you can do is put the truth out there and let the chips fall where they may.

I do agree that Rocket needs to let go of the outcome and just move forward with things. Many BS never get the truth.

Rocket, I hope you're taking care of yourself and getting your ducks in a row.

If anything, finding the OBS like in Rocket's case, gets you motivated to do something. A lot of BS out there now don't know what to do and are stuck in the situation with no direction to go because fear is dictating their choices. Whether it be finding the OBS, finding more evidence, tracking your WS, hiring a PI or lawyer or both, just do something to get the wheels in motion for a R or D. Whatever will get you out of depression and fear and start putting purpose behind action.

So true Jduff!

Rocket,

I hope everything is ok with you buddy. We haven't heard from you in a while. Stay strong man.

Well wishes to you Rocket. I had the chance to find the OMW. My WW, gave all that up. I compiled a mass email and forwarded the evidence to all of his in-laws.

I do have a sense of satisfaction, but it hasn't helped me heal, one bit.

I have worried for you brother, that's a long time to hold that in like a steam cooker. If you haven't confronted yet, perhaps get some IC to help you through until that happens.

Thoughts to you...

Are you OK Rocket?

Sorry. I made a new thread last week "Finally DDay". Thanks for checking in with me. I feel better after confronting, but am still angry, hurt , confused etc. I'll keep you posted.