SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I know you won't see it the same way, but that's how it is for us.

And that is perfectly ok.

For me there is no AND. It is an OR situation.

My husband made a legal, spiritual, emotionally binding agreement to remain faithful to me and to forsake all others. To save only for me any intimacy. I made these same agreements to him.

To bring in another person to share those things is a violation of the agreement we made.

That's why anything other than being physical would be considered an emotional affair. Giving to another what was agreed upon to be shared only with me.

Is there any merit to differentiating between sexual and non sexual EAs?

Or I have to admit, it feels odd to me to call a sexual (not physically) but not emotional illicit relationship an EA. If there was no emotional involvement, how is it an EA? Say, if it's sexting and the like.

Do you handle that differently than a limerent nonphysical EA?

I'm not 100% sure what you are asking.

For me an EA is defined by my husband sharing anything intimate that is, by our agreement of a monogamous marriage, only supposed to be shared with me.

Sharing feelings, details of our marriage, problems he has, needs, desires, Hope's, dreams, definently sexting or sharing of sex pics/nudes.

So for example: our first dd has been in and out of hospital with multiple doctors and testing and you name it her medical problems were huge.

With ME my husband totally shut down. He didn't tell me how fearful he was that we could lose her or share his concerns or anything about the whole ordeal.

With OW2 he opened up to her about how he felt his fears oh and how great a dad he was by being there for his daughter (a lie because 90%of the appointments he refused to attend).

While I was taking the full brunt of the stress and ahit from doctors and being blamed for her condition he was sharing oh how hard the whole thing was for him with another woman.

We should have been a team. Dealing with the fact that we could lose our child. He should have been confiding IN ME, his wife and the mother of his child.

Totally nonsexual but again cheating me of the support and truth of his feelings. Thus an EA.

Fair enough. I took the name quite literally, and it seems that some nonphysical affairs likely are nonemotional as well. That's why I wondered if differentiating between nonphysical sexual affairs versus nonphysical emotional affairs would be a useful tool, rather than calling all nonphysical affairs EAs.

[This message edited by PSTI at 7:35 PM, January 2nd (Thursday)]

Some relationships are sick without being either an EA or a PA.

My W was never in a purely EA with ow, but the relationship was toxic from the beginning, and it had a negative effect on our M from the beginning.

It morphed directly from sick to PA without going through an EA stage, and it morphed directly from PA to NC.

Non-emotional and non-physical does not look like an A at all, at least to me.

Sisoon what an amazing point!

It doesnt have to be an emotional connection or non emotional connection to be toxic to the relationship/marriage.

And what defines toxic will be determined by those in the relationship so could vary greatly from one couple to another.

My wh has very poor boundaries and a very outgoing personality that draws people in. It's very easy for him to form connections to other people. Before his affairs I didn't see any issue with him being "friendly" with other woman.

After his affairs (PA's) theres just no room for me to budge on the no female friends boundary.

Now if he could prove with actions that he has good boundaries and respects me and can be friendly without secrecy or becoming emotionally connected then I'd be open to females that are friends of the marriage.

Why not get married just because there might be others at some point in the future?

I guess because I don’t see a point in getting married if it isn’t exclusive. I don’t put much importance on marriage. I got married solely because my fch insisted. He was ok with us living together. His religious upbringing wouldn’t allow for that. I was perfectly fine with not getting married.

I see 2 purposes to marriage. One is for legal reasons. For example, since my fch ended up joining the military, it turned out to be a good thing we are married. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be eligible for all the privileges afforded to a military spouse. The second is for religious reasons. Some people believe that you must stand before god and vow to foresake all others for the relationship to be legitimate. Otherwise, there’s no need to get married. That’s my opinion.

I like Dragnheart’s question. Now, I can’t remember exactly what it was and it’s on the previous page. I’ll have to go back and quote it.

A sexual EA is a PA with an emotional component. You can have an EA without a physical component. Although, I think that’s mostly just a matter of time or distance. If things have gone on long enough and there is close proximity, an EA will almost certainly become a PA. You can have a PA without an emotional component. So, people differentiate between physical and non physical EAs by calling one just an EA and the other an EA/PA. My fch had an EA/PA.

[This message edited by cocoplus5nuts at 12:34 PM, January 5th (Sunday)]

cocoplus5nuts

Did you intend to quote that entire section? I'm reading it trying to figure out what part was to be quoted because it does seem to be split lol

Back to the marriage thing for a minute. Wh and I wanted to get married because we loved each other and wanted to be together forever. I guess nowadays that can be done without the marriage certificate.

Religion played no part for either of us.

The timing of the wedding was based on both sides of our family pressuring us to make sure the vows were taken and it was all legit before DD arrived. We were engaged when we got pregnant.

It was done fast because I was already three months along when I found out I was pregnant (had my period throughout and just thought I had the flu). My mother didn't want me "showing" in my wedding dress...

My mothers side of the family refused to acknowledge my marriage, pregnancy and haven't met my children...so theres a bit of resentment for the whole religious beliefs they have.

Wh family, despite insisting we marry before DD arrived, didn't take that stand when his younger sister got pregnant. She was still just dating the guy. They have never married although they live together with their child. Pretty sure wh has some resentment towards them for that.

Looking back I wish i had stood my ground and had the wedding of MY dreams instead of a simple rushed thing in the pasters living room...

Legally sure it makes things easier for taxes and stuff but dammit it makes splitting up a hellish event. One full year separated before you can get the D thing going.

And my beliefs of marriage (not religious just the bonding to a person for life) has been greatly tested by his affairs. Ea and pa alike.

No, Dragnheart, I didn’t mean to quote the whole thing. I don’t know what’s going on with the quote thing. I fixed it twice, but it’s still like that. I’m using an iPad instead of my phone now. I don’t know of that’s what the problem is.

ETA: When I try to quote using the iPad, it screws up. When I use the keyboard, it works. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[This message edited by cocoplus5nuts at 12:35 PM, January 5th (Sunday)]

No worries. My phone often does things as if it has a mind of its own. Lol

Actual EAs are simply secrecy.

If you have to hide it, it’s a problem.

This isn’t about privacy, it this deliberate hiding something from your partner, so you can continue engaging in your secretive behavior

Because you truly know it’s wrong if you’re keeping it from your partner