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Generic, this may seem harsh, but the next time you sense that WW is getting ready to see OM, consider calling her later and telling her to stay with OM for a few days. It would be interesting to see OM's response. From yours and others' comments, I sense that OM doesn't want your WW to move in with him. If so, you should make this abundantly clear to WW.

Tren: the passage that you quoted is very eye opening and resonates with me. Thanks.

I had a beer with her dad tonight, he will go on lease too help get her out. He thinks she's gone nuts.

The MC is important, in 10 years time when my kids ask what happened, I can say I tried everything and she refused every attempt.

Have you suggested she move in with the OM now since she cannot find a place of her own?

Yeah she has no intention of moving in with him, however I looked at her phone and there are tons of messages along the lines of

"I love you with all my heart and soul"

and

"We are going to have a wonderful life together"

I think MC is a waste of money, I think I would rather focus money/effort at getting her out of my life. It's just a shame on our kids. We agreed 50/50 custody which just isn't what I wanted for them to grow up with.

180 continues, im working and getting out as much as possible. 2 weeks in and I still cant believe 8 years happiness has been taken away by 2 months with this guy. she *was* happy. If there was something unfulfilled she wont admit it and I never even once suspected she was discontent.

edit*

I have lost 2 stone (12.7kg) weight over the last 2 weeks. Went from 14st to 12st. I am trying to eat, go out etc. move on as part of 180 but just cant stop losing weight! I suppose it's stress.

[This message edited by generic at 3:45 AM, December 4th (Thursday)]

The MC is important, in 10 years time when my kids ask what happened, I can say I tried everything and she refused every attempt.

Do you really believe that you have to try MC to have done "everything possible"?

You have done your part so far...and then some. Don't think for a moment that you have shorted your children by not laying down in the road for your WW. She has made the unilateral choice to decimate the family unit, and over time, your children will see this. Just continue to be the caring generic that you have always been.

Infidelity sucks. It's compounded exponentially when our waywards are totally gone---like yours. It's beyond unfair, but what options are we left with but to deal with it...and not compromise ourselves along the way?

Its already paid and non refundable. Just 1 session booked. May as well go.

Although, she has made it clear our marriage is over and she loves new guy, maybe the MC can drag some truth about reasons out. Maybe not. Might get nothing at all from it.

Use the MC session to discuss co-parenting and communications after D.

maybe the MC can drag some truth about reasons out.

Don't allow your wife and or the MC to even come close to blaming you for her affair. The you didnt pay enough attention nonsense route.

Make sure that you don't allow them to make you feel like the bad guy in all of this. I am sure you have read plenty of stories on here like that.

If this session deals with the affair, make sure it is your wife on the hot seat and not you.

Sure is odd she loves the OM this much but wouldn't consider moving in with him. Maybe it is/was an exit affair and she is using the OM as well. It is so hard sometimes to even try to comprehend what goes through the WS mind.

[This message edited by craig2001 at 9:03 AM, December 4th (Thursday)]

She wont move in with him because of our boys. Probably also because of the OMs family who he left for her lives not far away. His kids are teenages and aren't taking it well apparently.

We agreed 50/50 custody which just isn't what I wanted for them to grow up with.

Just think of that as the worst case scenario that is set in stone on the decree. It doesn't have to be followed to the letter of the agreement and if you can convince your STBXW that having the kids will hamper her single lifestyle then you may talk her into letting them stay with you more than that 50% time. After a year of maybe 60% then 70% she will be unwittingly setting grounds for a custody modification. I don't know if such things can be done across the pond over there, but its been done on this side. May be worth discussing with your attorney.

I don't think it works that way here, however I am still worried that she's a functional alcoholic. She drank over a bottle of cava tonight and hid one of the empty bottles.

She had 2 or 3 nights sober when this kicked off but has drank every night since. If it continues it will be grounds for custody if I can prove it. Although lawyer warned going to court will cost upward of £20000

I'm major failing at 180. Another argument today. Really got to do better.

[This message edited by generic at 4:46 PM, December 4th (Thursday)]

Although lawyer warned going to court will cost upward of £20000

That is very high priced. That is - if I did this right - over $31,000 USD.

But, I don't know actually know what a divorce costs here. That is just the cost of the legal part of a divorce there?

It is very hard to do the 180 with an alcoholic or a drunk person.

Old joke:

Q: Why is divorce so expensive?

A: Because it's worth it.

Hi.

Just make sure you have a highly recommended lawyer, because you don't want him to be expensive and NOT one of the best.

What has he told you about documenting her drinking? How does he propose you gather evidence about her drinking for custody purposes?

Best wishes

Hi.

Just make sure you have a highly recommended lawyer, because you don't want him to be expensive and NOT one of the best.

What has he told you about documenting her drinking? How does he propose you gather evidence about her drinking for custody purposes?

Best wishes

I haven't spoken to them about that yet. My wife and I started talking calmly about assets and kids so lawyer recommended doing that first to save expense of legal fees.

Only 2 weeks in, shes still on the 'Fog' and thinks shes in love so she hasn't been that easy to deal with. House fell through AGAIN. so one last try today, arranging a viewing of rental place, her dad is going to go on lease to secure it and get her out.

Keep thinking she might come to her sense :/

That means that her dad is on the hook for the rent. And most likely she will be able to rent this one because of her dad.

Is your wife also looking for a job.

In other words, welcome to being single and living the single life. Reality will hit her soon, especially when the OM tells her adios.

We had that counselling session today, holy fuck it was painful.

The counsellor asked if she was sure she wasn't in a honeymoon period and responding to intense flattery, attention and romantic gestures. My wife said it was way more than that, she loves the guy and has feelings just now she hasn't felt for years, since early in our marriage. She hadn't realised the feelings had changed until she met this guy. She thinks her feelings for me changed to be more of a best friend.

She doesn't feel she could ever go back or have same feelings for me again, so she does not want to go through the pain of attempting to work on marriage.

Basically, our family and marriage is getting tossed out without even an attempt to save it. Like its worthless. The counsellor asked if she was interested in exploring why she cheated and what was missing in marriage but my wife wasnt interested.

The talk from them on was more about her actions and how i felt about them. Her messaging and seeing him a lot in plain sight. Me having to see her get ready to go to him etc.

As i said previously, her dad will go on lease of a house, so maybe now she can get a place. I need to get my shit together. I suppose once shes out best thing I can do for me is enforce NC as much as possible, other than with kids. She has made it plain as day she doesn't want me anymore but when this pile of shit falls down, I don't want to be there for her in anyway. I want her to suffer.

[This message edited by generic at 2:33 PM, December 5th (Friday)]

Daddy's name is going on the lease. Will daddy be helping her with bills if she falls behind, too?

I know it's tough, but try not to take it personally, because it's really not anything about you that caused this in any way. Even if you were blowing smoke up her butt every minute of every day, the nature of marriage is that it becomes routine, while the nature of affairs is that they are new and exciting. No way a marriage can compete with an affair for passion and excitement. Marriages provide deep love, stability, commitment - "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health" - but marriages are not usually passionate and exciting, at least not most of the time. Just about 100% of the affair is passionate and exciting, though.

How long do you think wife and OM stay committed to each other in their new little family unit? Both are coming in already having QUIT, rather than work on, the biggest, most important commitments of their lives. When the going got tough, when it got a little boring, they just QUIT. It does not bode well for a lasting life committed to each other.

Good riddance biach. She is actually doing you a favor even though it may not seem so now. By her walking out without so much of a look back, it might hurt more now, but you will heal faster and move on quicker. Focus on the kids and your health.