SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thanks for the support. I am feeling relief already. Now I KNOW I'm making the right decision to cut ties with that person. I'm grateful that side showed itself. Yeah, I'll record everything here on out. Honestly don't expect any interactions other than seeing her at attorney's office to sign dissolution papers.

She'll be back, probably in a couple of days, with a nice cleaned-up laptop for you to investigate.

How old was the laptop? I wonder how far back her secret life goes.

Maybe you never knew her. Maybe she never revealed the real "her" to you.

dude, end it. Her remorse was an act.

This OM, yeah he's a POS. So he's going to come down and 'kill you' because you told his wife the truth when in reality it was him fuxking up your marriage and your wife.Your wife picked a winner there. If he shows up, defend yourself but call the cops too. Get a restraining order.

Your wife's last action showed that she was trying to rugsweep this thing or carry the affair underground.

Good for you to expose. The question is now... what do you do ? A hard 180, divorce papers and let her suffer consequences for her decision.

You never asked for this stuff.

Mind over heart from here on out. You gave her a chance with your heart. She blew it. Now with this volatile situation, be in self protection mode and move on. I know it's hard but the truth has been presented to you. I think you know what's up ...

Western, yes I know all that. I thought I said in my last post I was phoning attorney first thing in the AM to get the D moving. I might not have though, emotional night... Week, past 2 weeks.. Damn.

Once I kicked her out though I felt immediate relief... I wasn't expecting that. I think being in the limbo of trying to decide 'D or R' was the hardest part. Obviously she exposed herself tonight, & I THANK GOD for that, bc otherwise I might've wasted another 10 yrs of my life on her.

I'm not being naive though, I'm sure divorce won't be a walk in the park though, but at least I know it's the right move 100% now.

As I type this she's texting me up, saying lets still be friends etc etc, now keeps calling. Declined that one.

She was manipulating you last night so that you couldn't blowup the relationship with her lover. Looking at the phone would have given you black and white. When you are exposed to black and white you cannot manipulate that. And she can't have that.

She is texting and calling you now because she wants something. And what she wants is not in your best interest. But of course you know this.

When she calls and sends texts...give her crickets. Nothing. One thing crazy women cannot stand is to be ignored. Attention is the food that narcissist need to survive.

If you have not alreay, get the VAR and have it on you always ready to go. The longer you go quiet, the more nutty she will get.

Threatening to call police for her husband looking at their marital-property-owned phone is just a step away from false domestic violence charges. You need a VAR or GoPro or witness for any and all future interactions with her.

I strongly agree with Western here. Her remorse was an act! She is taking this affair underground. There was obviously some heavy duty shit on that phone she didn't want you to uncover. And you should take that threat to call the cops as an omen brother. If she hits you with DV charge your ass is going to be in jail. It happens!! It happened to my brother when I lived in North Carolina. He caught his wife cheating and confronted her, she called the cops, then later he called me crying from jail to bail him out, but they wouldn't let me because there was an automatic 48 hour hold on DV offenders. So I have seen it first hand, and you don't want any part of that shit. You are, in my opinion, making the right choice. Divorce and move on in peace.

upsidedown1,

I am sorry, but IMO limbo is far worse than D.

She is now trying to manipulated you again by her text (the lets be friends is to try to scare that she is gone for good), it will scale in no time, saying she was trying to protect you, that there is nothing more but she freaked out, etc. Of course this is BS.

IMO you should consider:

Not engage in any kind of communications, unless your attorney suggests it (for mediation, etc.), because it is pointless. Ask your attorney to contact her to explain that any further communication will be with him, your legal representative.

Let OMBW know that may be a lot more, explain her you know.

Avoid her friends as they may try to convince you give her chance, but the worse is that maybe she will try to save face and start lying about what happened, IMO you cannot do anything about it but to avoid them.

You are going to be fine.

Good luck

Thank you all, yes I can already tell the 'D vs R' limbo I WAS in was far worse than this. I told one of her brothers last night (we were close). I've ignored everything from her though, 3 phone calls last night and a handful of texts, 8 more phone calls this AM.

Won't have any contact with her. She didn't really have any friends so not worried about any of them trying to talk me down (not that they could).

I slept good last night. Let our (now mine) 2 dogs up in the bed with me.

& yeah now that I've seen just how crazy she is, I'll be avoiding her at all costs, to avoid any false accusations from her part. Even took a pic last night of the scratch marks she left on my chest when she was freaking out about the phone.

In an odd way, I'm REALLY glad that happened last night. I'm no longer torn & confused about what my right choice is.

upsidedown1,

Dont forget to get a VAR.

Ask your attorney if you can change locks, maybe you can’t.

If you can’t, be prepare to find her one day in your house, that’s why you need the VAR.

If you have, want or can afore it, a video set for your house is a good idea. She may try to take things from your house. She may be entitled to half of them but you will need to porve that she got them.

Good luck

wow Longforgotten, that's a horrible story about your brother.

being a LEO, I have seen stuff like this happen many times before, even on false charges and the automatic 48 hour hold IMO is unconstitutional.

I am praying he fought back and won. Sounds like he got the shaft big time

I did remove the house keys from her key ring before she left, & took garage door opener from her car. Will still ask the attorney if it's cool for me to change locks. & im locking the door now when I walk my dogs.

Question to the group re exposure; when I told the OBS, I told her her 'husband' was having affair with my 'wife', she had me text the pics to her cell, I showed her the pics he had sent her (including dick picks), also showed snapshots of phone records to prove those nights that she even admitted to them meeting up. Question is this; OBS was asking me for my (soon to be Ex) wife's name & picture. I had ignored the request at the time... Should I send her my soon to be Ex's name & picture? Or is that being to vengeful? I told her about the affair (I know that was the right thing to do), but should I tell her who my wife is as well??

You wanted to...And deserved to know..who om is. His BW deserves the same.

Tell her.

IMO you should give her all she wanst and an update about you getting D for sure and that thre is more than she knew, omit the supotitions but just tell her what happened.

But fist ask your lawyer what can you release.

After telling her all you legally can, ask her to not contacting you again as you now know enougth.

Good luck

Tell her the name and picture.

agreed. Give name and pic

Painful as it may be, I agree w/ the others. Give OBS the name of your WW. As for pics? Well, ...that's up to you. I'm afraid the OM may already have more pic than any of us like to think about.

upsidedown, your WW will be back. Bank on that. Texting, phoning, does not surprise me at all.

It is up to you how to deal with that.

Did you, were you able to, get any info from the cell before or during the meltdown, or did the meltdown prevent you from getting the info? I see her meltdown as being a bad reaction to her clash with reality; not accepting the consequence (just yet) which is normal to a point.

So sorry you're going through this, but am glad you are feeling more at peace.

Good luck; keep posting.

13 texts & 22 phone calls since she left late last night.

I've gone completely no contact though, I don't owe her anything, (I realize that now)

As I understand it from my attorney, since she left of her own will, & I bought the condo prior to marriage (even prior to engagement), that it's mine, & she left of her own free will.

Claims she is just reaching out to me to "see if I'm ok," & that "we need to talk at some point to figure things out".

BS.

I'd like to send the OBS the name & pic, but think I'm going to run that 1 by attorney 1st. I'm sure he will advise to wait until after marriage dissolution is done. He mentioned, the less drama, the sooner we get it done / keep costs low.

And no, wasn't able to get any of the deleted info of the phone, she was literally beating down the door. & it's like a 30 min process. But her reaction alone told me all I needed to know.

It's almost better this way. Obviously I need to divorce her, & I know w/e was on there was TERRIBLE, but don't have to have it etched into my brain (like the moment when I saw the dick pic on there... Life changing)