SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The thing is, I don’t think I really love him anymore. I have two daughters and he has already told me how he will counsel them about future relationships: when they are in their 20s, go for a man in his late 40s, early 50s who is already done playing with women and has an established career. Sounds sugar daddy-ish to me and it’s not happening.

When I look at him now, I see features and mannerisms I never noticed before. Did he always have that mole? Was one nostril always bigger than the other? He is like a stranger and I don’t even recognize his face. Even if he wanted to resume that part of the relationship, he is no longer attractive to me.

Oh Sami, I am so sorry.

You know the man you married is dead and a selfish delusional pig has replaced him. Why would you still have love for this emotionally abusive person? His plan to guide your girls into the future is so abhorrent that you may need to file for supervised visitation.

Take the next steps to legally separate your lives. Sooner rather than later he will likely understand what he has lost during his red pill addiction. Expect him to come crawling back...you and your girls deserve a better man in your lives.

I just don't get the disconnect. It's insane. How can a man with daughters treat women like they're nothing more than sex toys? I can't think of a worse example for your girls than a guy who's adopted this "red pill" dogma. We grow up modeling our relationships on what we've seen.

I'll tell you, my own parents were divorced by the time I started my teen years. It was my step-father who was wont to stiff-arm a boy at the adam's apple and let him know he'd best have some manners with me. The daddy figure in a girl's life isn't always her own father. Grandpas, uncles, any family member who truly has a girl's best interest at heart can influence her later choices. It's just not true that any father is better than none, because a bad father causes more problems than he solves.

Also, if you haven't already been doing it, I think it would be wise to start compiling evidence of his rhetoric. Be sure to follow wiretapping laws. One party consent is legal in quite a number of states though. Emails and texts are good sources too because they track back directly to him. So, as much as possible, try to engage him in written form instead of verbal. Keep all your evidence in a secure location. Include financial and legal documents or bonafide copies.

I think it might be possible to limit this guy's influence on your kids. If you've got admissible evidence that he's truly devoted to this misogynistic doctrine and you're raising daughters... well, that's going to go over in family court like a fart in church. You could possibly have him on supervised visitation with parenting classes and a psych eval.

Like I said earlier, you're smart.. smarter than he is. And you've got a host of willing minds right here in your SI think-tank.

((hugs))

Sami, this thread has been haunting me. I want to share something with you that will feel a million years away, but I think it's important. I'm six years out and have spent most of that time down in the D/S and NB forums. People often post updates and karma stories years after their divorces are final. Your idiot husband REEKS of a cautionary tale waiting to happen. I predict you will be back in five years, telling us how you have found satisfaction in a hobby, how you have a job that provides, your children are thriving as they enter adulthood - and now have a poor relationship with their father as they have come to see him for who he is, and most importantly - the red pill movement has been a big fat letdown and not only is he not getting endless free sex from hot and limber 20 somethings, he is finding that as he moves into his 50's and later 60's and so on - NO WOMAN will touch him unless he spends vast amounts of cash on her. He will be begging you to come back, and telling you how foolish he was, blah blah freaking blah. He will have to work extra years before retirement for the financial loss he took when he divorced. He will be a broken man. We see it ALL THE TIME. I did a lot of dating after my divorce with men in their 40's, and so many of them were whining about the younger women they dated who only wanted their money. No shit! It's like they are in total denial about their own aging and withering attractiveness.

On a more pragmatic note, I will also offer this advice. It is extremely difficult to absorb what he has blindsided you with. I found that I had to view it as a death of sorts. The man I loved was gone, and this Pet Cemetery version in front of me was not my husband. It helped me take action and stop living in yesterday. What you had is gone and is not coming back. Like you said, even if he suddenly came to his senses, these things cannot be unheard. View it as a death, irrevocable. Move forward.

Sami is there anything in your husbands past that may have contributed to susceptibility to cult like thinking? He is living in his own version of reality.

To be honest I wonder about his mental health.

We see it ALL THE TIME. I did a lot of dating after my divorce with men in their 40's, and so many of them were whining about the younger women they dated who only wanted their money. No shit! It's like they are in total denial about their own aging and withering attractiveness.

I have seen this too. The men who subscribe to this stuff seem to actually think that only women age and that only a woman's appearance matters. They don't get why that hot 22-year-old is looking at them like "no dude, saggy balls and beer belly and your busted up single-wide trailer ain't gonna get it" and these men wind up alone and pitiful. It takes a while for them to figure out that they're not gonna get the sex they think they're owed.

It's dumb. We ALL age if we're lucky enough to survive. Why they think they don't is beyond me.