SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Carry the var on you ALL THE TIME.

Wayward wives are notorious for claiming DV,when they feel they've lost control of their husbands.

She will need to make you the bad guy in all of this. She HAD to cheat because you're abusive. It will also give the OM a chance to play kisa.

All the time. Even in the bathroom.

Is she on the lease? Have you informed the landlord of your impending split, and desire for her to leave? He owns the place, can he help? Have you considered the Sheriff helping to evict her? Have you started packing her out?

Let all know, landlord, family etc. She needs to be away from you and DD. Keep a VAR on you when ever near her. In case she makes any false accusations against you.

Strength Buffer

pictures taken together along with her showing that the ring is off and in it's stead a promise ring from POS.

I think now is the time you take your ring off. That will send a powerful message to her that you are done with her betrayal and disrespect. You owe her nothing. Since she "fired" you, you should not wear a ring which is an emblem of love through time, a symbol of devotion and an agreement between two parties to love and cherish one another for the rest of their days. She has made a mockery of your rings by taking her's off and replacing it with the POS's "promise" ring. Are they in high school or what?

Is she on the lease? Have you informed the landlord of your impending split, and desire for her to leave?

Yes, she is on the lease. I went ahead and sent an email to the complex requesting to have her removed from the lease.

I think now is the time you take your ring off.

I took my ring off when she left on Friday morning to see the POS and informed her yesterday that the seperation started on Friday.

She has made a mockery of your rings by taking her's off and replacing it with the POS's "promise" ring.

Said the same thing and I have evidence through her messenger chats that she went and bought cheap wedding set to wear when she is around him playing house. She is sooooo screwed.

Are they in high school or what?

Almost seems like it. She is starting out with him the same way that we courted each other the parallels are amazing.

I can't say it enough, thanks to everyone here for listening to my vents and I'm really grateful for the advice. Thanks goes out to Marz for giving me a kick in the ass and opening my eyes.

This weekend brought a clarity of purpose and I used her tryst to my advantage by gathering evidence.

I'm glad you took your ring off. The ring you wore was actually a symbol for the promises she made to you regarding your wedding vows. You know, including forsaking all others. Her promises no longer stand. She broke them repeatedly. The ring is just junk jewelry now symbolizing nothing.

PS. VAR with you at all times. False DV is real and happens way to often.

[This message edited by steadychevy at 8:14 AM, January 20th (Monday)]

What’s she’s doing is abandoning her family, which should give you some advantage in future negotiations. Work on the lease situation, separating finances, and consult with the sheriffs office about evicting her legally. You don’t have to be hostile about anything. Just grim and minimal. If she breaches the subject, say you have no intention to live with an adulterous spouse, the separation has started and she is free to go wherever she wants, tell whatever lies suit her, but she can no longer cohabitate with you, she has destroyed your marriage. You will takes steps to protect yourself as necessary. Record this and every conversation from on. Do not let her bully you. As I predicted she is becoming your adversary.

She’s grandstanding on not leaving. Of course. You can’t kick her out while she’s on the lease, but you don’t have to make life easy, either.

To help make her leave, do as many suggested and make it uncomfortable. Change the WiFi password. You’re paying for it now and you aren’t giving her free WiFi. Pay the bills and ask her for her share of utilities from now on. When you get mail from the mailbox, leave her mail there. When you cook, it’s only for your daughter and son. If she asks you to run an errand, say no. If she wants something fixed that isn’t a household item, say no. Do your own dishes, not hers. Every morning when you see her, ask: “I’m requesting what date you will move out on.” She’ll say no. Record her answer. The next day, repeat. And the next day, and the next day, and the next and so on.

If for some reason she manages to stay regardless. Have you considered moving everyone (your kids too) somewhere else and leave her there? It’s a rental. Are you attached to it?

I currently have the VAR sitting in her car atm since that is when she talks to POS. Will be ordering another one this weekend. She's been frantically looking for the iPad but that is in a safe location and let her know that I don't know where it is. She is stating that it is hers but it's not. Pretty much telling her that she needs to get her own stuff now. Making life difficult for her as much as possible.

Got in touch with my Employee Assistance Program and I get 4 sessions with the attorneys covered. Should be getting a referral in the next day. As for the VAR it is on my person at all times when I am with her. Just need to retrieve it from the car tonight.

stay strong and keep moving out of infidelity

heartbrokeninNC,

Typically, the actions that I mention should be considered as petty. But I think now is the time for the message to be undeniable and persistent that she is not welcome around you.

I suggest that you do grocery shopping for yourself and your daughter. Do not shop for your wife. Tell her that she is not welcome to the groceries that you have bought. Label the milk bottle, creamer carton, sugar, coffee, bread, and everything else (including the package of toilet paper) with a black felt-tip pen as Dad and Daughter ONLY (or just "DD"). Every time she opens the cupboard or refrigerator she will get a totally unambiguous message that she is not welcome. Whether of not she ignores the labels and "steals" your groceries (think of what she has already stolen from you), it is the message that matters.

I also like changing the wifi password, unless she pays for 1/2 of its cost. Also, shut down her mobile phone if it is on your account. She needs to go get her own.

Normally I would not be so petty, but her egregiously selfish cheating in front of you and your daughter, justifies your stark, cold ghosting of her. If your WW doesn't get the message and defiantly remains in the house, I like the idea of your moving to your own apartment with your daughter, but first you should consult your attorney wrt custody issues and how you can get off the current lease.

Again, normally this would be extremely petty, but now a "shock and awe" message is needed to make sure she understands viscerally what she has done to you and your family. She is a cancer that must be cut out. A same house separation is a one-year sentence of misery for you. She doesn't seem to care and can continue to live with her despicable self, thinking that you and your daughter are just collateral damage (if she thinks of you, at all).

Maybe she might be successful, somehow, in a hail-mary attempt to fix herself and be worthy of reconciliation. Right now I would not bet on it.

Sending strength and support.

You’re right. Normally everything I suggest would be petty.. the WiFi, the food, etc. it is designed to make her staying in infidelity not convenient nor pleasant. You might have trouble kicking her out yet, but that doesn’t mean you have to be nice about it. Give her the message that everything she uses in your place that you pay for must be paid back for her share, that’s every flush of the toilet, every sheet of toilet paper, every shower she takes, every show on cable she watches uninvited, every hour she burns electricity. Keep an accounting dating back to last weekend.

Is it her car? You’re not paying for gas or maintenance any more. She can change her own oil. Take her off your insurance and notify her of the fact, you don’t want her to drive uninsured, but you don’t have to pay, either.

Make sure your son and daughter are in on this. Don’t slag her at all. Just explain you two are separated and mom needs to move out because of her adultery. Since the separation began last weekend, it is in house until she leaves. Don’t be hostile, just recite the facts. You are not supporting her in any way going forward.

[This message edited by KingofNothing at 11:17 AM, January 20th (Monday)]

WW just confirmed what I've been noticing for a while. When she took her rings off she replaced it with a fake engagement ring vice being a promise ring. She had the audacity to tell me yesterday that the relationship has not moved into that stage yet which it obviously has. Just needed to confirm it. WW is f**k'd.

Keep recording

She doesn't want to talk over text but hey I've got the VAR. Also checked on privacy laws and NC is a one-party consent state.

Said she wanted to talk tonight

.

Let her talk. She has something up her sleeve most likely cooked up with her BF.

Allow for long pauses, take your time in replying or just say stuff to make her talk more. People hate silence it make them uncomfortable.

It might be good to openly record the conversation with your phone. Tell her that things may get emotional and this will help both of you remember what was said.

"I am sorry you feel that way"

"Could you explain what you mean by that"

"That is not what we are talking about, please keep on topic"

Are good responses.

But OTOH she may just tell you she's moving out...

Let her talk. She has something up her sleeve most likely cooked up with her BF.

Allow for long pauses, take your time in replying or just say stuff to make her talk more. People hate silence it make them uncomfortable.

I've been doing that too while looking straight at her. She hates it. Hopefully, she moves out that would be good and she does have something cooked up for sure and I'll find out tonight.

She thinks she’s smarter than you and are just sitting around waiting and hoping she won’t leave you.

Don’t bite and show your hand.

Let your actions speak for you.

It’ll work much better than anything you can say.

Talk in these situations get you nothing

I have not shown my hand. She did not expect I would be aggressive pursuing this and doesn't think I have the resources to do so. Should have a referral to an atty tommorrow since the legal folks are not it at the EAP since it is the holiday. They do have my information.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 2:37 PM, January 20th (Monday)]

Good luck tonight. Stay strong and don’t take any of her bait. Do your best to stay emotionally neutral. Remember, she might have a VAR on her as well.