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Swims ( member #30992) posted at 6:39 PM on Wednesday, April 6th, 2011
I don't think I will ever recover from the triggers and mind movies. Seven months out from D Day.
Waiting4Serenity ( member #21594) posted at 7:10 PM on Wednesday, April 6th, 2011
Three years out, reconciled and NO!!! There is not a day that goes by that it is not thought of . . . only the pain gets less and less. Today I look at it more analytically than emotionally. BTW . . . still have not gotten to the point of forgiveness, don't think I ever will as some actions I just believe are unforgivable. I look it as an unforgivable mistake in the past that has been dealt with and moved on from.
Me: BW 39
He: WS 39
Married: 18 years, together 22
Kids: 18DS (went to sing with the Angels on 8/07/11), 16DD, 15DS, 12DS, 10DS
D-day: 2/15/08 no truth
2nd D-day: 10/20/08 "truth" from OW
3rd D-day: 2/5/12 (speechless)
This is not
Waiting4Serenity ( member #21594) posted at 7:12 PM on Wednesday, April 6th, 2011
Oops. . .double post. Haven't posted in awhile, forgot how sensitive the buttons are!
[This message edited by Waiting4Serenity at 1:13 PM, April 6th (Wednesday)]
Me: BW 39
He: WS 39
Married: 18 years, together 22
Kids: 18DS (went to sing with the Angels on 8/07/11), 16DD, 15DS, 12DS, 10DS
D-day: 2/15/08 no truth
2nd D-day: 10/20/08 "truth" from OW
3rd D-day: 2/5/12 (speechless)
This is not
SwitchedOnLotus ( member #25902) posted at 7:49 PM on Wednesday, April 6th, 2011
No - affair recovery takes years, and the process can really only get going once the BS feels safe in the relationship again - otherwise, it's as if you have to keep a bag packed and a lawyer's number at the ready. It hurts to live that way.
For me, it only shifted after I felt there was more to find out, blew the lid off of FWH's continued contact with OW, and informed him I had to leave him because he could not be honest with me, and I would not stay in a relationship with someone who did not value me.
He started to really own what he had done, what he needed to do for recovery to begin, etc. that day. He decisively woke up from any lingering longing for the A or OW and became totally devoted to repairing and trying to hold on to his connection with me.
We're almost two years out from D-Day #1, and I've gotten a little desensitized to some of the mind movies. Others have finally faded and disappeared. It has been two years of very hard work, and taking very honest looks at ourselves and how we run our relationship, as well as the actual horror of losing this love with such a stupid action as starting, having, or continuing an A as a means to escape.
BS - SwitchedOnLotus, 35
WH - 40 4 Month EA/ PA D-Day 1:7-2009/D-Day 2: 10-29-2009
11-29-09 Began R/9-02-10 A in past,M bttr thn B4
"It isn't what happens to us that matters, but how we choose to interpret it and react"
whatdoto ( member #28555) posted at 8:25 PM on Wednesday, April 6th, 2011
I'm almost 11 mos. out and no, I'm not over it, still have triggers and the mind-movies just gross me out.
"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".
Running In Place ( member #31721) posted at 8:55 PM on Wednesday, April 6th, 2011
Oh hell no.....
4 months past and I still feel like shit.
I am sorting out my own shit right now....I let a lot of my life slide when this thing hit....work, my athletic training, friends....sleep...etc.
I am still a chaotic mess
Me - BS 41
Her- WW 42
Together 11 yrs, Married 9 years
D-Day November 26th, 2010 10:36am
2.5 week EA/PA Affair
TT-Day #3 Mar 3rd, 2011
3 Terrors 15, 14 & 5
In R
www.aubosox.wordpress.com
HurtButHopeful? ( member #25144) posted at 8:58 PM on Wednesday, April 6th, 2011
No.
R is going well, H is completely committed to M and doing everything he can to support, repair and build the M.
But I still am walking wounded, even though I desperately want to "be all better now." Something seems to not be healing, no matter how hard H and I try..... 
Resources for R:
His Needs Her Needs, by Dr. Willard Harley
Love Busters, by Dr. Willard Harley
(for husbands) Becoming the Ultimate Husband, by Reb Bradley
AREYOUKIDDINGME? ( member #27864) posted at 9:00 PM on Wednesday, April 6th, 2011
NO. Wow she is truly unbelievable if she expects that to happen. ((((Feb)))
BW-Me 39
D-Day #1 02/09/09 D-Day#2,#3 03/28/09, 03/29/09....Trickled for months. 10 OW
Updated 6/11. Now Married 18 years, 4 boys, 2 daughter-in-laws, 2 princess's born, and 1 cowboy on the way. And the new dog that saved my life many times tha
atadstressed ( member #22295) posted at 9:02 PM on Wednesday, April 6th, 2011
DDay 21/12/07 & numerous after
false recon until 08/10/10
threw him out 08/10/10
Not quite there yet but mostly happy being single
Don't engage with an idiot. They will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
LoveHerStill ( member #31504) posted at 9:03 PM on Wednesday, April 6th, 2011
No.
It will be one year since d-day on April 11th.
Still get triggers going to places we used to go.
Me BH-45 @ Dday
Her WW-44 @ Dday
Married-20yrs
Together-26yrs
D-Day 4/11/10
Divorced 9/13/2010
XWW Married OM 5/23/2011
It only hurts when I breathe.
romanticidiot ( member #28655) posted at 9:13 PM on Wednesday, April 6th, 2011
Nope. 8 months out and it still stings.
Maybe it will get better after I leave, but this sort of trauma never goes away completely. It will affect every intimate relationship I have for the rest of my life.
Are they really that clueless? Get over it? You lied to me, disrespected me, f#cked some a-hole, treated me like shit, tried to make me think I was crazy after I finally caught on... All while I was trying my best to love you and honor my sacred vows... And I'm supposed to just "get over it.". Wow.
"When you're going through Hell, keep going." -Churchill
Afraid2LoveAgain ( member #11185) posted at 12:16 AM on Thursday, April 7th, 2011
9 1/2 years since d-day.
I still have triggers. 
BW -- 58
Divorced 2001
Re-married 2014--on what would have been our 35th anniversary
beenthere2? ( member #28554) posted at 12:20 AM on Thursday, April 7th, 2011
Ummm...not just no, but HELL NO!
I am 4 months out from final TT dday and while we are doing very well (even our MC is impressed how far we are in the recovery process) I am not over it by any means.
I agree that there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about it. I am not as angry or hurt anymore, but it can rear its ugly head at any time.
Me: BW 34 Him: WH 36
Married 10
Dday #1 5/15/10 claimed EA/just friends
#2 9/20/10 (admitted to kiss w/ same OW
#3 11/29/10 admitted to a lot more
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