SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

lostall, I just finished reading your post twice and my heart is racing. I feel like I am going to puke. What to do, what to do?!?

I am so sorry for the horror that you and your children have endured. It is all the more chilling for me to read, because your ex sounds JUST LIKE mine. He is charming and adored by those he meets. Attractive and funny and well respected. It feels like once he opens his mouth every thing that was red is now blue. Everything was up is now down. And you feel like you were insane for ever being so terrified of such an upbeat person, who clearly cares about you and is deeply remorseful for any pain he caused in his one, isolated moment of madness. Maybe you even mistook the madness? Maybe it wasn't as bad as you'd remembered? Maybe you were just having the kind of day that makes everything seem worse? Until the madness surfaces again and you know you weren't mistaken.

Jesus. I don't know.

Thank you again for sharing, lostall. It is major food for thought. I need to figure out a game plan.

Breathe, Ground. Breathe. Don't panic. You are still there, and you are still whole. You will figure out what the best course of action is.

Take the time to figure it out. Don't put it off, though. Think, and think clearly.

>>>Maybe you even mistook the madness? Maybe it wasn't as bad as you'd remembered?<<<

And maybe you are the crazy one? And should be grateful that he loves you despite your craziness - flights of fancy - irrational fears and behavior...

Know the drill. Been there. It's all cool as long as it is just you. My point is: if you have kids, please don't make the mistake of thinking it's just you. Please don't make the mistake of thinking you can shield them. You are NOT that powerful. Refrain from magical thinking.

You do need to figure out a game plan. So take a step back. See through the manipulations, the emotions, the guilt - look at your sitch objectively. See how you can extract yourself and your kids without harm. To you, them *or* him.

PM me if you like.

I think he has more than general "BS Rage." I have an awful Irish Temper, and when I found out I LOST MY SH!T. But I did not, and would not hurt or threaten to hurt anybody.

But to answer your question. I would experience periods of rage where I wanted to smash everything and everyone in sight (but didn't) for about a year. Now I'm just sad because we had such a beautiful thing and even though we're trying to R... when it comes down to the truth he ruined what we could have had and all I can hope is that I can be okay with having something different.

I wouldn't wait to see if he will do anything. He already has. It's a classic abuse cycle, and you need to take action NOW.

I understand that you have guilt over the A, but HE is responsible for this, and it has already gone way beyond any typical BS reaction. It sounds like he's come unhinged.

File for a RO and take practical steps now... don't leave yourself open for a random moment of insanity from your X.

Sorry you're going through this.